Chickens of a Feather

Posted: September 26, 2010 in A/N wank, Publishing wank, Twanks
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Does it come as a huge surprise that our first (blog-worthy) submitted twank hails from the ever-masturbatory feathersmmmm? Not to us, it doesn’t.

For the sake of hilarity, let’s rewind back to a simpler time in fandom. The entire TwiFic blog phenomenon was just being born, and with that came Twigasm, which for those of you who may be unfamiliar, was/is an adult-catered Twilight FanFiction podcast. Feathers, who was at the time authoring the RPF love story I Love L.A. (which has since been pulled for publishing and reworked into the masterpiece we know today as The Unidentified Personalities Redhead) was one of the authors involved.

Since Omnific (a controversial, business that takes mediocre, yet popular fanfictions and edits them for the purpose of monopolizing off their guise of original fiction) sprinkled Feathers with the ill-gotten gains of publishdom, the author has become widely known for a long string of incredibly verbose and wanktastic author notes. In fact, like any good twankhard, she seems to love the attention (we know you’re reading, chicken), often transparently making the A/Ns as long as she possibly can, while passive aggressively instigating her critics.

Her most recent A/N defends her use of the endearment “chickens” (duh, it means she fucking loves you, you flock of sanctimonious morons). It also promotes her upcoming sequel to The Unidentified Talent Redhead, which she just knows you’ll buy, because you weren’t bored by the complete lack of characterization in the first one entirely fulfilled by her first, admit it.

But this isn’t where the real twank comes in. We were notified of the activity on her Twitter account this evening, and we had to admit. We were quite amused. While it’s against our rules to post screenshots of private Twitter accounts, we couldn’t resist a little creative re-enactment.

Isn’t it funny when people take things too seriously?

Like whenever mediocre fanfiction authors write a self-insert story about boning Robert Pattinson, and then proceed to dress it up as actual literature once it gains a little steam in the community?


No matter what I do or how I explain myself, some people aren’t going to like me.

True, but it probably helps if we’re not being preached at/told to go fuck ourselves every single A/N.

Is it ever okay for authors to bash another author’s story?

Oh, this is going to get good. Translation: Someone who actually holds some weight in this community was a big fat meanie pants.

I love concrit. I just think it should only be given by critics whose ultimate goal in giving it is to see the author excel.

I’ll remember that next time I go to see an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

On public vs private criticism: If you sling nasty shit, then own up to it, slather your dildos in it, wear it on your dumb faces.

It’s okay to sling shit in public so long as you wear the feces as warpaint. We’re with you.

I have negative opinions on stories, but I never share them in public.

Wait…. what?

We’re too unmotivated to go through your timeline and prove you wrong. (And we would.)

Feel free to flame me.

Don’t worry, we will.

I’m not judging anyone.

No, you’d never do that. You’re too busy “staying classy” and using your very public A/Ns as a tool to attack and incite your critics.


  1. Hifuckinlarious says:

    LOL! Your first post/selection couldn’t have been better. As far as E-G-Os go, she’s a definite top fiver (maybe even three). Brilliant. Looking forward to the fun.
    U is rrrright… U ain’t no different than TMZ. Celebs have to endure it and these people think they’re celebs in their own mini-world so bring it on, cause I’ll LMAO along with you.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I just discovered your blog, know nothing about you and have only yet read a few entries, but so far you may well be my hero(es).

  3. holy shit says:

    I’m curious! I’m off to read some of these A/N’s! Who has a link?
    This blog is brilliant. Great job for giving a voice to what we’re all secretly thinking. It is slightly bitchy, though, and probably why I’m enjoying it so much lol.

  4. anona says:

    Read the first Redhead book out of curiosity (never read the fic version–real people fics scare me) and it was smut with very little plot and character dev. Are all Omnific’s titles former fics?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I want to remain anonymous just because you excel at trashing people. So what if feathers gets her stories published? WTF do you care? If Omnific gets sued, they get sued. And while you may not like her stories, several thousand other people do, so your opinion holds little weight with most of us. The Twi fandom is just a bunch of people enjoying a hobby so why must you trash the people involved with such a mean spirit?

  6. anonymous says:

    It’s really easy to tear someone else down, isn’t it? What did Feathers do to earn your displeasure? What did Squally do to be derided? What did Tazz do but enjoy reading and writing fanfic? Why do you take screen shots from Twitter and post them on your site? Why do you care if a group of fanfic writers and bloggers gathered for a weekend of fun? Who appointed you judges of good and bad behavior?

    Those of us who read fan fiction are not expecting the best in literature. We read because we enjoy the stories, and we write to bring our ideas to others. No one is paying us a penny, but it really sucks to know that one little conversation on Twitter might get you hung out to dry if the Twankers find out about it.

    Why not twank about those who write for the FGB? That’s a worthy story to listen to.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I have no problem posting my name. This blog is horrible, and I would hope that you’d be ashamed of yourselves, but you’d have to have an iota of compassion for the feelings of others for that to register. What you’re doing is, quite simply, cyber-bullying. I’m appalled that some people can be so mean-spirited.

    I stepped into this fandom as someone who wanted to read more about the Twilight universe. I wanted to write because I enjoy it and I had some extra creative energy to spare. What I discovered was a community of (mostly) great girls (and probably a few guys) who have become friends. I count feathers_mmmm among those friends. She is talented, funny and sweet. You obviously have never spoken with her, or you would know this. Instead, you go off half cocked and spew vile hatred on the internet. Brave…really brave.

    • Anonymous says:

      Thanks for including my name in the last comment… /sarcasm. I included it, but I guess you thought it would be “better” if it were omitted and I were listed as “Anonymous.” My name is *****. I write as *****/**************…and I think the people behind this site are wrong for what they’re doing.

      Don’t like an author? Don’t read her stuff! If you want to bitch and complain about an author in private, well fine. But when you stoop so low as to create a public forum where people’s feelings get hurt, that’s BULLYING. It’s unnecessary, and what you’ve created is essentially the Twific equivalent of a “Burn Book.” (ya know, like what the mean girls had in middle school…I would like to think that a lot of maturing had happened since then, but again, since the creators of this blog are anonymous, they could be 17 for all I know)

      And what’s the huge problem with someone pulling a fic to have it published? It’s their work and if they can possibly make some money from it, why is that so horrible? How is that your business? How does that even affect you?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Okay, this is just plain rude and ridiculous waste of your energy. What the hell? Were you bullied as a child and this is a prime way to get your digs in now that you’re supposedly grown up? So what if you don’t like their stories? There’s a tiny button at the top right corner with an X…use it and leave these people alone.

    Oh and FYI…that pulled fics list you have in the upper left hand side has quite a few fics that HAVE NOT BEEN PULLED! I happen to have more than one in that list that are currently sitting on my fanfic page now. In addition, nobody gave anybody permission to post those stories. To have made that gdoc is wrong, as some people are trying to adjust and publish their work and having the fanfiction version posted is a problem. In addition to that, it’s just plain common courtesy not to post someone’s fic, whether posted online or not, without ASKING PERMISSION! Your perpetuation of of that list makes you accessory to that wrongdoing. Just saying.

    Of course, I’m probably wasting my time on here, seeing as how you obviously have no problem with anything you are doing here. Just remember that what goes around comes around. karma is a bitch!

    • Whatdoesitmatterifitwontshowanyway? says:

      Re The List: So I guess you’ve never lent a book or a CD to a friend either, huh? Or you don’t have a folder full of Rob pics you don’t have permission to have in your possession.

      Wow…what a lot of upstanding citizens we have around here.

      I call bullshit.

      • Whatdoesitmatterifitwontshowanyway? says:

        Oh and btw – my fic is on the list too and its still posted, as well. So? Since it’s still posted, I’d be delusional to think that anyone who wants a copy isn’t making one right now anyway, as are you.

        Is it morally wrong to share fics, especially ones that have been pulled for whatever reason? Sure, it is. But you’re still delusional to think that anything you post on the internet is not going to be shared with others. And you are also hypocritical to be riding on such a high horse. As I said – this is exactly the same as lending a book to a friend.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Am i the only one who can’t get over the fact that she said hot tub secks can lead to infection and then implied that she’d had it… Maybe that’s why she feels so strongly against writing it.

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