Thanks for letting me show what a douchewaffle I am

Posted: September 29, 2010 in Blog/Community wanks, Not Even Funny wank, Pulling wank, Twanks
Tags: , , , , ,

Daniellier123 actually twanked herself, something all of us here found adorable, if not terribly self-serving.

I would like to report myself. 9 out of 10 times a day, I twank, wank, whatever you call it. Let’s put it simply, I act like a cunt.

I want to get this cunt-like weight off my chest and confess to you now.

I have made fun of the following fics and authors:

AngstGoddess, but she started it.

Just Wait, including writing out a note on my FB, dedicated to my own fake version of this stories fake ending. I just needed it to die so badly. Sorry.

Hunter Hunting & her damn story. Okay, *both* of them.

Feathersmmm and her Banger Nation, where apparently, no banging actually happens. Not even after 9 months.

I might have called them cunts. I might have called their readers/followers/creepy fans: flap-lickers and/or flap-suckle..ers. When someone noted they should be fucked up their arse with a rusty cucumber (or something) I laughed. Really, really hard.

*hangs head in shame*

I make no real apologies, as I believe all my twank/wank was justified, but hey, I just figured I’d own up to it. Plus, I’m kind of bored.

Anyhow…thanks for letting me show what a douchewaffle I am.

Appreciate it.

We passed all that up, because it’s not really funny to see someone so in love themselves, they scream at every newest thing I AM VERY RELEVANT TO ALL OF THIS!

(Or maybe it is.)

But then Nonnie Mouse pointed out a few fine items that Danieller failed to include in her self-twank report. We figure she didn’t include them for a reason, and we’re hoping it’s because she’s too ashamed to cop to them, though we also know it’s possible she sees nothing wrong with the below.

For those who may be unfamiliar to the long string of wanks of one Danieller123, she wrote The Workshop of Edible Delights and Under the Apple Tree (and other stuff no one cares about). These stories started out on, but were later moved because, as the author explains, they were in violation of the TOS.

This wouldn’t have been wank if she hadn’t sprinkled these “blogs” she forced (if they wanted to keep reading, anyway) her readers to visit with various advertisements of merchandise from her own fanfiction.

Hey, since you’re reading my story and love me and my self-proclaimed cuntiness so much, buy this shirt!

You get the idea.

This is the disclaimer from her Workshop blog:

But we couldn’t find anything on her SUPER PIMP ZAZZLE STORE stating that the proceeds go to charity, etc etc etc (like you’d find at myTspot’s Zazzle, though we’re still weighing how twanky that is. At least their hearts aren’t in their own pocketbooks? Ehhh, we’ll see.). So it’s safe to assume that the profit is going straight to Danieller. And since she’s only making profit because the fanfiction has readers, and since the fanfiction only has readers because it’s fanfiction, and since it’s only fanfiction because it has Twilight characters, then… profit is made off her fanfiction. Which is not illegal at all.

The other part of the Nonnie submitted twank was Danieller’s flaming insensitivity when approached about a quote from one of her fanfickshuns, that went something like, “being tighter than a Jew with a one dollar bill.”

Some people I follow on Twitter were upset about it and emailed her. She showed no concern that she offended anyone. She fucking laughed at them.

We didn’t really expect any other reaction, and we anticipate that she’ll enjoy the attention from being twanked very much, but since all of us here hate bigotry like no other, we figured we could save her the self-twank report and send her a big dose of  FUCK YOU.


  1. anonymous says:

    Actually, I’d hazard to guess she isn’t really making profit off of her ads and merch. She’s probably using the proceeds to pay for webhosting, like a lot of other sites. In fact, doesn’t technically turn a profit off of fanfiction? Or not. But I actually approve of her disclaimer if she’s not lying.

    As for the bigotry. Well I hope it wasn’t said by a sympathetic character? If the character was a cuntwaffle then I’d be understanding. I wouldn’t know though, cause I don’t read her stories.

  2. LMAO says:

    ‘First off Angstgoddess but SHE started it’. hahahaha. omg. She can’t be serious about this. Did she REALLY just say that?

    Plus, I think she wants attention for her fics – which I flounced – that’s why she made that ‘statement’.

    I’m just DYING with laughter right now.

    Also, she bashed EP’s author on her FB. Add that to the list of author’s that she’s gone off on.

  3. LMAO says:

    “authors” not “author’s”
    Grammar fail.

  4. Anonymous says:


    Man, she is gonna be so mad when she finds out I told you all about the stories she writes.

    And that she forgot to mention EP….

  5. Anonymous says:

    I was just going to mention her. I don’t know if it can be said but the girl has been cray cray for real for a LONG TIME and people are just now recognizing this? Apparently her own self-absorption and self-importance wasn’t being noticed enough so she decided to up the ante.

    I think you can make fun of anyone you want but she takes it to another level and she’s racist beyond all imagination in the fandom. Has anyone read chapter one of her crackfic? That Jew comment was it.

    I use to love a number of authors and people in the fandom but their association and self proclaimed love of all thing “Dani” and just writing one shots and shit with this crazy bitch has me figuring they’re just as crazy and a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

    • Anonymous says:

      Well, this is a comment I can accept. Can someone answer this REAL facts without sarcasm and oh so clever jokes?
      The only think I won’t talk about it the racist comment, I don’t read that so I don’t know about it.
      But, she does have a rather special way of being snarky! Danieller is one clever woman! I’ve been told that if you don’t like her you are either a COW or a CUNT.
      Really Danielle, the only advice is to stop trashing other people’s work because it only creates things like this web, people tired of author’s big egos. YES, even the ‘hidden with sarcasm’ ones 😀
      But please go and laugh all this, putting the joke when you don’t have arguments.
      All we have to know is that her fanatics will love her 100% more for this, but there are some smart people out there… I hope so.

      A dose of humbleness for the 90% of the fandom… that would be so AZUME!

      • danieller123 says:

        It’s “asum”, number one. With a copyright.

        Number two, you forgot “twat”. I use that one a lot. Next time, just screen-cap my post and submit it. This way you get the full scope of my assholiness.

        • Anonymous says:

          The ‘asum’? Fuck it! I take the ‘AZUM’ with me ❤ I just invented it ©

          I haven't seen real arguments yet… I don't know why but I can perfectly imagine you as the classic bully in school? Really woman, you sound like you have a lot of anger response undercover there. And that's talking without sarcasm or anything. I really feel it.

          But well… I'm still loving this circus, and I think until the function closes I'll be here with some popcorn just because you know, some of us have LOTS of free time 😉

    • so obnoxious says:

      yeah, the racist thing is pervasive in her fics and i don’t understand why people put up with it. i’ve been sucked into reading her fics more than once and was quickly reminded why i don’t read her fics each time. it’s not like she’s enlightening us on the human condition. She hasn’t written “The Color Purple.” There’s really no excuse for it, IMO. How someone like this garners a following is beyond me.

  6. Twilight Slush says:

    Can someone provide a link to her facebook? I’ve never read her stories but I do admit I am intrigued b/c I also hate many of the authors she mentioned.

    Also, if you’re going to sell fucking merchandise, THAT was the best she could come up with? Cheap ass t-shirts with the fic name in red? Um go to fucking wal-mart, buy a red sharpie, and go to town.

  7. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!1111 says:

    You can make profit from Zazzle? I am beyond sure that DanielleR is going to be so sparkly when she visits this post. I do hope more people self twank. It’s becoming a badge of honor. In fact, there was talk of buttons and t-shirts being made. Perhaps a Zazzle store would be in order?

  8. Twilight Slush says:

    Speaking of EP…wtf is going on with that story? anyone have an update?

  9. Anonymous says:

    I’m really curious as to why there’s so much animosity between her and these authors that she mentions. I’ve heard complaints before about them, so I’m just wondering what’s up. Actually, I’m just being nosey.

  10. Anonymous says:

    She is the least racist person I know.

    Just because she had a character say something in a fic (which is done…a lot) means she’s racist? Seriously?

    Or because she didn’t feel the need to defend herself to people who write rude PMs to her about it, assuming she’s racist?




    • Twilight Slush says:

      oh cute, one of her fangirls came out to play.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes. That is the problem. Whether she is a bigot or not isn’t the issue. The issue is that people were offended. Instead of being an adult and trying to explain herself… she laughed. Uncool, wanky and just plain cuntish.

      • Anonymous says:

        So, no characters in the Twifandom are allowed to be flawed…okay, I get it.

        • twankhard says:

          You skills in debate have decreased by -100. Applause.gif

          • Anonymous says:

            As have yours. Because notice, you still haven’t answered the questions.

            I applaud your clever quirky snarkiness. You’re awesome.

            • twankhard says:

              We’ll save all the the teal deer it’d take to fully explain it to you for a Nonnie.

              • Anonymous says:

                I’m only a “Nonnie” because you make me that way….my super secret identity is clearly stated in the Name field.

                You really don’t *have* to explain it, I totally get that you all are more interested in being funny than actually discussing things.

                It’s all good.

        • Anonymous says:

          I’m the one who submitted this and as I told Twankhard in my email, I haven’t read the shit. I have no idea what context it was in nor do I care.


          If I wrote something and someone was offended by it then I would consider what they are saying and respond. I wouldn’t laugh at them for being offended. She needs to grow up and apparently you do too.

          • anonymous says:


            • Anonymous says:

              You are 100% mature. Thanks for lively debate.

              • anonymous says:

                you’re right. If I were MATURE, I’d totally report you to twankhard. Cause that’s what MATURE people do.

                Let’s just leave maturity out of this whole conversation, shall we? I doubt this is the forum for any of that.

                • twankhard says:

                  Finally, someone gets what this is all about. *tear*

                • Anonymous says:

                  Dude. Seriously. Just stop.

                  You are defending an author who is terribly obnoxious. You are also defending an author who wrote a terrible, terrible fic about a hooker and a tree.

                  I submitted this to Twankhard because this particular author has fucking vicious fangirls. If I mention my dislike of this fic on my regular message boards I get attacked.

                  You are the fangirl of a fangirl. Congrats!

                  • Anonymous says:

                    thank you 🙂

                    please do tell me: where did I defend anyone on this thread? lol. I just called you out for bawwing cause, yeah.

                    I don’t give shit about Danieller or whateverthefuck her name is. I’m here for the twankertainment.

                    You know what they say about when you assume things.

                    • Anonymous says:

                      obviously i got you confused with the original Nonnie that I replied to. Way to add the discussion though. Very productive.

        • BOO! says:

          I’m flawed, but then I don’t give a shit. I’m also a losery fanfic nobody, so that helps.

      • anonymous says:

        yeah, see. I starting to feel like getting offended and flaming her for it was actually the twank here. I dunno. Still haven’t read the context. Can anyone provide that for me, cause I still don’t feel the need to read the story. Is it “offensive” when a racist character makes a racist remark if the racism isn’t glorified by the author?

    • Anonymous says:

      ‘Just because she had a character say something in a fic (which is done… a lot) means she’s racist? Seriously?’

      Um… you do realize that her characters aren’t real people, right? They’re fiction. If you haven’t been informed yet, fiction means false, which means not real, which means that everything a character says is from her thoughts and her fingers on her keyboard. So, whatever her character says, she says. And it wasn’t even a statement meant to improve on that character, it was something so unrelated. Racism should never be tolerated, regardless of what context it’s in, especially not in fucking Twilight FANFICTION, of all things. Give me a break. Danieller should send some of her better dogs.

      • Anon E Mouse says:

        Ditto. Yes, we all know it’s FICTION, but it comes from someone’s head. I’m not familiar with what part of her fic you guys are referring to, but it’s one thing to have a racist comment be from the unsympathetic character/bad guy or there is a character who goes through a metamorphoses from being a douche to a non d-bag.

  11. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for using my wank suggestion!!! That is service. I emailed that shit this morning and here it is.

    That shirt is $29.95, dude. $29.95!!! Ridic.

    Who in the fandom buys fanfic shirts? Really. I want to know.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Laughing. My. Fucking. Ass. Off!! I could kiss Dani for this, serious up! Twank yourself before these sad little cunts get the chance! Two thumbs up.

    I really wonder why she’s being called a racist…just because one of her character made a racist-y comment? Psht, that’s the best you can come up with? (*shakes head*) Sad really…

    I must say, Twankfucks, you’ve got a good show rollin’ here. Sad little bruised ego’s trying to gain attention by bashing those who are more talented than you… you must feel so happy with yourself.

    I’ve put my name in the little bar above… but you’re probably going to list me as anonymous nonethe-fucking-less. Again, sad.

    You know, people might actually respect you if you came out of your ‘nonny’ shells and confronted the authors you bash face-to-face instead of this little game you have going on.

    Maybe you should just accept that you’ll never be anymore than sad little cuntfucks… owning it is the first step to overcoming it (*winks*)

    • Twilight Slush says:

      The Carebears/Rainbow Bright Crossover Fandom sent me here. They want to know what a cuntfuck is. Help?

    • AnonymousHonesty says:

      It’s a sad sad day when people actually defend racism. There was NO need for Bella to say she’s as tight as a Jew with a $100 bill. We get the picture! She’s a virgin! Is it so fucking hard to say she’s as locked up as Fort Knox? And then to laugh about it when people see the unreasonable mention of said racial remark? CRAZY I tell you! Just crazy!

      This is FAN FICTION people. Say whatever the fuck you want but don’t say shit like that.

      • danieller123 says:

        If I change it to this will you ~then~ accuse me of “stealing”?

        More importantly, will you finally stop crying about it?

    • Facebook UN-friend says:

      “You know, people might actually respect you if you came out of your ‘nonny’ shells”

      Sound advice from…..wait for it….nonny.

      And don’t even bother with, but I’m not bashing the author. White knighting is so much more distasteful in my book.

      • Anonymous says:

        I didn’t realize amateur writing, loads of periods, two-five word sentences, and extremely unconvincing plot lines was considered ‘talented’. Shit, I must be doing something wrong then…

        Oh, and when someone finds out what a ‘cunt fuck’ is, let me know? I’m not sure if I should be offended or not…

  13. DANIELLER123 says:

    I actually did forget to mention EP. My bad. My large ego was all in thew way.

    I bashed it non-stop. Forgive.

    With the 5 bucks I made off my zazzle store, I bought myself a burger. It was quite delicious. You know, us fatties gotta eat.

    As for the racist comment, I find it funny and do not take the reviews seriously due to the fact that that ‘story’ (if it is even allowed to be called that) was making fun of what it is wrong, including when remarks and stereotypes are made.

    Some of these fics, having rather large followings and no seems to mind.

    Have I mentioned I bashed EP? 😉

    I can laugh at myself and my own foolishesness and mistakes. Honestly. That was the whole point. 🙂

    Thanks for my making today worth living by adding me to your blog. So honored. *sniffle*

      • Egocentric?step to the left says:

        Omg, not this cunt. Her writing is so stilted and lacks feeling of any sort. Now I see why. The author is just as lacking as her flat characters. Go start some more drama in an effort to make yourself popular. It’s the only thing you’re good at.

        • Anonymous says:

          I tried to read this fic, but the grammatical errors alone were enough to make me flounce. The fact that I thought that both Edward and Bella had no redeeming values…Yeah, I guess I am a cunt. A cunt with high standards.

      • huh??? says:

        How was that a twank? She just pretty much said she was bitchy to other authors and that her jibes at the were so fuckawesome that had to be re-shared here at twankhard. Or was the self twank when she said, I’m sorry for being a cunt, but not.

        • twankhard says:

          Damn, you’re right. Making profit off of fanfiction is not wanky at all.

          • huh??? says:

            Wasn’t saying hocking merch wasn’t wanky. I was just questioning the rampant self-wank kudos because I don’t see anything but her rubbing her own bitchy back and other commenter’s (and twankhard) rubbing her front!

            You should have twanked her hard for her sad, sad, sad attempt to endear you with her self deprecation, which was pitiful. The fact that she called her blather a twank speaks so much more of her ego than her skeevy attempt to push tshits.

            You should go back and retwank yourself for allowing her to call that a twank. Missing that twank is way bigger than the moderate twank of cashing in on switching UtAT fourteen times.

            Let me review: tshirts for coffee cash = meh; not calling her lame-ass self twank = OMFG I can’t physically roll my eyes that far back.

            • twankhard says:

              You should have twanked her hard for her sad, sad, sad attempt to endear you with her self deprecation, which was pitiful.

              Maybe our sarcasm wasn’t getting through…

    • Anonymous says:

      I gotta say that Danieller123 is known for being a meanie in the fandom…but I say- I f you are going to do something do it well…She does it well 🙂

      Maybe you guys should bring her on board, she seems like she could be an asset!

      In all honesty, though…I read the story- saw the comments on fb and I think the whole racial epithet thing was thrown way out of proportion. Now we can’t even make authentic characterizations bc we might offend someone. It kinda sucks…free speech has been disrupted by political correctness. F*ck politically correct..I want my speech back!

    • so obnoxious says:

      which wrong were you undoing when your BELLA made this comment, about a plumber, in the first chapter of “the edible delights”?

      “Now either make the damn call to Jose or Juan or whatever the fuck the little brown man who is sure to show up here’s name is,”

      i wasn’t informed of the social justice you were performing in this one…

    • Anon E Mouse says:

      The author of EP’s ego has gotten out of hand. I started the story, but have since abandoned it because it got too drawn out and lost interest. But then again, I could make a list of ego crazy authors.

      • Anon says:

        “…I could make a list of ego crazy authors”

        Please do! Maybe an anon will have something to share once their memory is tickled a bit.

    • BOO! says:

      Where can I buy shares for the zazzle store? Anyone?

  14. anonymous says:


    This whole thread is a perfect pastiche of all the twank ever twanked. Well done.

    Thanks for the entertainment twankhards. lol. I’m serious. This is a compliment. You’re living up to your name. This thread brightened up my day.

    • oh jeebus says:

      Lol, this whole site has brightened up my week, I love it! Seriously, seeing some of these authors getting twanked and watching everyone and their mother coming out to defend and criticize both the site and the authors has me in stitches. (Especially when the comments devolve into namecalling and attitudes that belong to children on a playground, not *supposedly* adult women.)

      Cannot wait to see what comes next, keep it up!

  15. Anonymous says:

    So… I’ll admit that I needed a little help with discovering what tl;dr meant… I honestly thought you were finger epileptic but a friend of mine told me it meant Too Long; Didn’t Read…

    (*supresses laughter*) I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at your ass but for someone who claims to be ‘anti-hypocrisy’ you sure are a hypocrite. You write god-only-knows-how-long bash fests and expect people to read your insane little ramblings but you don’t read my little rant?

    You put me up as anonymous, so I’m just going to put my name in here… it’s ****… * * * *… ****!!! ****!! (not that hard of a name, huh?)

    • Anonymous says:

      Your comment proves that you STILL don’t understand what tl;dr means. Google may be your friend but it doesn’t help if you just don’t GET it. Try again.

  16. Facebook UN-friend says:

    After Twankhard got started, I knew it couldn’t be long before danieller showed up in a twank, my disgust with this author is practically palpable. I was hooked on UTAT, looked forward to the daily updates on my blackberry where I’d stop everything to read and then forced every friend of mine to READ UTAT or PERISH. I made the mistake of following dani on Facebook, stupidest idea ever. The daily rants of other BNA(seriously, get over the word BNA and your life will be a happier place) ragging on her/talking about her behind her back, the ‘lurkers’ and ‘lame ass bitches’ who only follow her to dish about her behind her back and let’s not even get started on the ass kissing required to be allowed the privilege of following this author on FB. Either comment on every other post and let the author know how funny/unique/full of awesum she is or BE CUT FROM HER FOLLOWER LIST (dun, dun, dun). I’m not on FB often and even if I was, there are so many others that take care of the ‘omg, you’re so witty, please update soon, NEED MOAR’ that I don’t bother. So where does that leave me? Obviously I and others were cut off (*tear). For the record, we are not ‘lurkers’ or ‘lame ass bitches’, we only followed you so we’d know where you decided to drag everyone next to be able to read your fic. We were your fans. Now? Not so much.

    • AnonymousHonesty says:

      What happened to this fandom? Why do we have to be mean? It’s not right but it’s NOT RIGHT AT ALL for people to have big fucking EGOS over some fanfiction. This fandom was JUST FINE before the ego trippers started puffing their feathers out (no bash on feathersmmm).

      This fandom use to be a nice playground of entertainment then egos took over and people got too big for their britches. Writing fanfiction doesn’t make you cool. We ALL honestly look crazy to people outside of the fandom. Use going crazy over some half ass writing books about sparkly immortal creatures. But these EGOS act like their on the path to winning the Nobel Prize in Literature soon. Get real and check that ego.

      There would be NO REASON for being mean if people would check the egos at the door and just have fun and let live. You write a big name fic that gives you a lot of reviews. That DOES NOT make you the shit. It’s FAN FICTION people!

    • Anonymous says:

      One of my peeves are authors who invite you to follow them on twitter in every author’s note in every chapter, and then have locked accts. for which you have to ask for access. It’s even worse when they deny said request for no discernable reason.

    • danieller123 says:

      I have a feeling i know who you are, so, I’ll explin for fucks sake, if nothing else.

      I dont even have my FB listed, so I don’t understand your commentary on asking ppl to follow me there. ?

      And as far as enjoying ppl saying ‘omg, ur so asum’ ….if you truly paid attention to my FB postings, you would see that there more ppl who do NOT agree with me, VS those that do. Which is fine. Most of them even follow the shit I hate, but I don’t care. To each their own.

      If they ~are~ there, it is because they contribute something entertaining to the page. Not b/c they lick below the belt. Generally, we share a laugh together. Or a recipe. Or shit about being moms. SHOCKINGLY it’s not all about giving fics and their owners the finger, as you make it sound.

      Anything posted on my wall: ‘omg i think your so ahmazing and ur fic is the bestest!!!! lolllll’ gets deleted (the post). I don’t give a shit. But thanks.

      I delete people who simply ‘hang out’ b/c I don’t understand the point of them being there, other than to watch with a bowl of popcorn, which is kinda creepy, b/c as I have said, we don’t just talk about fic related shit.

      You get update alerts from You don’t need to join my page to know when a fic is updated. For the record, I never asked or forced anyone to be a “friend” on FB, nor did I ever say it was strictly for my fics.

      You singed up and put yourself there without any reason to be, so if my daily grumbles or frustrations or random bullshit annoys you, I am glad you are not there any longer.

      You improved your life. And mine.

      • danieller123 says:

        Sorry, I forgot to say, if you wanted to follow UTAT, I left the link of where it had moved to on No need to follow FB. And it moved twice b/c NING wanted to charge for having it posted there. My bad. My bad.

      • twankhard says:

        That’s a lot of teal deer, allow us to translate:





  17. Anon E Mouse says:

    Though not directly related to this entry, is there a category for fic authors who’s egos have gotten bigger than the Atlantic Ocean? Some people need to be called out for being too big for their britches. I once had an author go nuclear over a review that was only about three sentences long and was concrit. She whined about it later on Twitter.

    However, I want to add that there are many great fic authors who are humble and sweet, but the majority of them write lesser known fics.

    • Twilight Slush says:

      Or how about the authors that beg for reviews then when they get them, bitch and moan about them on every form of social media imaginable

      *littlesecret* cough cough *littlesecret*

      • Anon E Mouse says:

        PS: my post wasn’t aimed @ Danielle. I’ve only read UtAT & enjoyed it. Not familiar with her other stuff.

      • AnonymousHonesty says:

        I’m coughing with you. She’s so annoying on Twitter. Isn’t she a lawyer? Don’t they have better things to do than tweet every 25 minutes. She tweets way too often. Twitter is annoying as is but she tweets more than a normal person should.

        • Anon E Mouse says:

          AoC creeped me out, but I guess that is due to the massive age difference of her E and B and the preachy drug use and politics.

        • rolling_eyes says:

          If she does not have anything better to do, apparently neither do you since you’re checking her Twitter every 25 minutes; if you are not checking on her, then why would you follow someone who annoys you so much?

          But carry on, you are funny.

          • AnonymousHonesty says:

            When you follow someone you get updated when they tweet. There is such a thing as flooding you box you know. So by clicking on their twitter if you look at the little time stamp you can see 12:30pm, 1:00pm, 1:25pm you get my drift.

            • swaggerjack says:

              Are you subscribed to her tweets? That’s the only way you get updates on a specific user. You can turn that off, you know.

      • Incog Nito says:

        You know – Little Secret is worthy of her own Twank blog for that shit she pulled over AoC on Twitter and the Twilighted forum.

        You’d think that her fans made her life terrible by giving her feedback about her (littered with typing mistakes and grammatical errors) story.

  18. Anonymous says:

    @ Facebook UN-friend: Dani “cut” you ’cause she’s smart like that. She doesn’t like “lurkers” and neither do I for that matter. I had to make a few “cuts” myself. Get over it and go get you flaps licked somewhere else.
    Have a nice day 🙂

    • oh jeebus says:

      I honestly can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not, your comment really made that little sense. How is it smart to cut a lurker on FB simply because they don’t fawn over your every move? Whatever.

  19. Anonymous says:

    (your) flaps licked

  20. masturbating monkey says:

    I kind of want to jizz on all of you.

  21. Hifuckinlarious says:

    Wait… what?

    Who the fuck creates their own zazzle merchandise for their own story? Really? Really?
    Now that’s fucking EGO much.

  22. Anonymous says:

    everything about this post is just tacky. the whole thing.

    say what you want about this all being funny or whatever, this kinda shit is disappointing and just makes me shake my head.

    people and their drama. gotta go fuck everything up.


    • twankhard says:

      For future reference, you’ll never find tact here (on either side). I think you’re looking for this.


      • Anonymous says:

        no, not really. the page says, “leave a reply” so i’m leaving one. you didn’t say, “leave us affirmation”. unlike some who seem to get off on this kinda crap, i’m just saying i find this entire concept, including the post above, to be… like i said, tacky.

        you really don’t have to blot out my name. i don’t really care if people see that i’m commenting. in fact, i wish you wouldn’t blot out names. if someone really has something to say, come out from behind the tree to throw that rock. js.

      • Anonymous says:

        Ahhhh, the enchanted forest: where everyone’s wonderful all the time and we blow sunshine up wankers asses all day long.

        Is there a point where tact becomes tacky? I think I’ve seen it there, mebbe once or twice.

        • anonymous says:

          Ah, yes…ADF, where you can be as snotty as you want to be…unless, of course, you hit a sore spot (read: one of the rangers or their friends).


          I love this site. But what I love even more is how we’re all so capabale of twanking – each and every one of us. And that’s what makes this all the more fun.

    • Garth says:

      If you’re gonna wank, wank in here.

      I like it. We get to rumble, have a little fun, and what happens on twankard stays on twankhard. It’s like fight club.

      People need an outlet.

      Plus, it’s not like any of the targets of these posts haven’t heard it all before.

      Or, I’m just an asshole and this place is my holy land. Definitely possible.

  23. devilmademedoit says:

    first i need to know more about what AngstGoddess003 did to her.

    i missed this and i’d love to hear more.

    second, I read UTAT. it started off okay but as the story progressed the typos and grammar errors were terrible and don’t get me started on the sentence fragments.

    for example…little hands and noses and feet and hands and faces and hands and feet and loves and smells AND OMG JUST WRITE A FUCKING SENTENCE.

    the irony is that she looooves to wank authors for any reason but her writing is shitty at worst, laughable at best.

    now, more about AngstGoddess and her loser ways.

    • Anonymous says:

      More on Angstgoddess please! She’s another one that is twank worthy! I could go on and on about her- but bottom line, I cringe when someone says they LOVE her and it was the “first fic they ever read” I immediately ask them to stop reading my fic bc they obs aren’t’ smart enough to get what I’m writing!

      • Anonymous says:

        *falls to the floor*

        Sorry, i was blown away by the size of your ego increasing – i should have read the warning signs and stayed at a safe distance, my bad…

        Insulting your readers? Quick, twank yourself, because that’s just the most offensive thing you can do! Don’t you write because you enjoy it? It’s supposed to be fun! If you’re going to set boundaries on who and what qualifications they should have to read your stuff then set up a private site (don’t publish on something open for all to read because *wipes nose on sleeve* you’ll git them tharrr ingorant fuckas who aint gots no smartz) and send out invitations to those who you deem worthy to read your eloquent prose.

        You don’t have to worry about sending me mine. js…

      • BOO! says:

        It was the first fic I flounced. Then I got curious and decided to read the epi and then had major eye twitching over the hoodie over the bridesmaid dress and flounced for good. I gave myself kudos for attempting to stick it out.

    • Anon says:

      I’m glad you asked about Angstgoddess because I wanted to. What instigated the anger? I’m also curious about happened between Angstgoddess and EdwardsBloodType. There was mention about drama a few places on the net months ago, but no one would ever say anything more than generals and that’s not helpful to those in the dark. I’m curious about these in-fights because they do effect the fandom of which I am part. I’d like to know why the camps are fixed as they are, and how they migrated to opposing corners of the ring.

    • tattletale says:

      Don’t get me started on AngstGoddess…thats a twank all it’s own

      • Anonymous says:

        AG’s false modesty is legendary, but that nasty author note she left for her readers (and then subsequently deleted) revealed the extent of her ego.

          • lol says:

            Ironically, it was wank with AG that caused EBT to top that.

            omg, when two wanks collide.

            EBT is STILL raw over it…the neverending wank. It’s not even amusing.


            • twankhard says:

              “omg, when two wanks collide. ”

              Isn’t this how black holes are formed?

            • oh jeebus says:

              Now I’m morbidly curious as to what actually happened between AG and EBT. Apparently I’m completely oblivious, cuz I didn’t notice any of this dramaz going down a few months ago.

              • S says:

                She called out EBT in a tweet very passive-aggressively. She tweeted to her followers: this is how you never write an author’s note” and then put in the link to EBT’s Author’s not that had a message to the readers of her story basically saying she was going to be cutting the story she originally planned to write by changing the length and content. However, it was sort of whining abt the fans being upset abt recent developments in the story. Ir was an A/N that basically made it seem that she wrote for fans instead of herself.

                The issue is that AG acted as a friend of EBT and didn’t give her the alleged concrit in a PM or even a review….she made an example out of her by posting it up for the world to take on as advice instead of directing her opinion to the author. It was a shitty an pussy move of her in my opinion. I mean even in college professors blot out names of the student’s paper they share with the class of which they use to teach by example.

          • Anon says:

            Is anyone familiar with the huge Potter Fandom Wank of MsScribe and her sock puppets? That was just one crazy chicken negatively effecting many, reaching into the entire fandom in one way or another. Imagine all of the sparkley egos polluting our fandom roost. Some crazy, selfish chickens in there. Wonder what our fandom story would be, if the shit really came to light. This blog is a start, and I am glad.

        • Anon says:

          I have evidence of that false modesty from her old tweets, before she went private. I used to admire her talent for writing & so I began following her. It lasted for all of two days or something, as I couldn’t stand her once I saw how she was with her tweets. I remember reading a series of tweets over a short period, shocked that anyone could be so caviler with their self-entitled, shallow celebrity, and so I saved a few on my hard drive. I’m wondering if I should be submitting those to this site now. I think I will, as a matter of fact, as soon as I dig them up off of an old computer.

      • Anonymous says:

        AngstGoddess is pretty tame. That girl who writes High Anxiety though is a headcase.

        • Anonymous says:

          I’m starting to agree with the headcase comment. A friend directed me to her twitter earlier and she had gone on rant about being unfolled by somebody. Shouty caps and all. It was hilarious and kinda sad at the same time. I’m mean really, it’s just Twitter.

        • cookiem says:

          Anyone who uses the word “peen” is a headcase.

        • tattletale says:

          Don’t get me started on head-cases…there is an official fandom list nina

    • Anonymous says:

      I could be wrong, but I think it has something to do with AngstGoddess reccing her fic, Men Without Eyes, on Edwardville. AG said she loved the story, but was a little uncomfortable Daniellier123 dubbed her Edward “Disabledward” (as she should be, because 1) who the fuck names their own ward? and 2) it’s really kind of fucking offensive). So this gets back to our author who then proceeds to throw the following shit fit on her profile:

      “I’ll make this brief.

      This is fan-fiction. We play with our ‘Wards. That’s what is lovable about them. That is the fun part.

      They can be tattwards, assholewards, badasswards, mafiawards, stutterwards, dilfwards, domwards, etc etc etc.

      It’s a way people with a sense of humor, no sense of pretentiousness, refer to them when making chit-chat.

      The story behind the ‘Edward’ lies in the story. Not in the silly name.

      Get over yourselves.

      Because, it is fan-fiction. Comical. Free. Entertainment. Not life altering and amazingly sad if it is.”

      • Anonymous says:

        Um. 1) she didn’t name him herself. and 2) everything this girl does apparently is offensive, why shouldn’t disable ward be? why is this one offensive exactly?

        • Anonnnie says:

          Really? So, I just imagined “disabledward” being in that fic’s summary from day one?

          And it’s sad I even have to clarify why taking something as silly as the “ward” identifier and applying it to people with disabilities, as though that should be their defining trait, is offensive. That shit is insensitive and immature, plain and simple. Honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t just call him “crippleward” since she’s already cool with insulting Jews and Hispanics.

          If you want to kiss her ass, I think you should do it on her facebook so she can properly thank you.

  24. Anon says:

    “Don’t get me started on AngstGoddess…thats a twank all it’s own.”

    …A twank I would gladly read. Maybe? One day? *grins*

  25. Wow.JustWow says:

    Wow, were you guys not having enough fun licking each others clits over at the gazebo?

    *pat on the back* Way to bring the negativity into the public realm so we can all act like soulless wenches. That is totes what our fandom was missing!

  26. devilmademedoit says:

    I want a AngstGoddess vs. EBT show down…it’s been too long.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Lmao. That is all.

  28. thankfuckimnotawriter says:

    It’s so funny how she came here all “look how cool and fun I am, I even twank myself, hahaha, let’s all be buddies!” and you just go and ULAL her anyway.
    Love it!

    • BOO! says:

      I didn’t get that feel. I thought she was more “I’m too sexy for my shirt” but I guess it’s subject to interpretation 😉

  29. Anonymous says:

    I wonder what we’d think about a forum like this for our grade schoolers. Leading by example and all.

    “So mom…I was in a group today where people talked bad about everyone else. Ya know, you can nominate people to talk badly about. I sat in the group and listened. Don’t worry, no one saw who I was because I was behind a wall. We could hear everything people said, and some people I recognized. There was even a person who spoke up and said some things they did to someone else. Some people laughed, others didn’t. I think a person or two felt pretty badly though. Some people didn’t even know they annoyed others, or had been talked about. I can’t decide if it’s good or bad. What do you think?”

    My advise would be, without question, not to go there. I wouldn’t want him or her tainted by views that were skewed. I wouldn’t want them to know such a place existed…even if for the only reason that I want to shelter them. Keep them from witnessing and feeling hurt.

    Many will recognize my voice, and I hope more than that…they’ll hear my words. We can be mean and horrible, just horrible sometimes. I understand letting off steam…it’s normal. More importantly, however, we are humans. I might not exist to you behind this world wide web, but I am real. Consider that when interacting with others, and perhaps just maybe we can even be a little more forgiving…and certainly more tactful.

    • usuredidteachme says:

      luckily, you’re not my mother.

      thankfully, we’re all adults and are fully capable of deciding what is and what is not a good place for us to express ourselves.

      mercifully, you probably won’t be hanging out here much.

      • twankhard says:

        But think of the puppies. DEAR GOD, THE PUPPIES!

      • Anonymommy says:

        “luckily, you’re not my mother.

        thankfully, we’re all adults and are fully capable of deciding what is and what is not a good place for us to express ourselves.

        mercifully, you probably won’t be hanging out here much.”

        LMAO! I must be a terrible mother. I would have acted differently in that “wall” scenario. I would have advised my child to stay put, listen & form their own opinions about what they were hearing. I wouldn’t want to shelter them from the opportunity to listen to all sides and come to their own opinions, develop their own feelings and reactions. Shelter them my ass! Are we wanting to raise a bunch of emotionally stunted pussies? Well guess what? That’s what the fandom seems to have a lot of…egotistical, spoiled brats who take situations before them for granted. LET THEM LISTEN to that conversation behind the wall. I hope they hear it. Maybe they’ll learn something valid, something enlightening, something different than the bullshit being fed to them now by the very people that blindly worship them.

        Shelter them? *shakes head* Been there. Done that. *points up to exhibit Daniellier123* See where it got us Mom? That’s not advice anyone should give. That’s a travesty. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.

        • tattletale says:

          anonnymommy: You do suck as a parent! Didn’t you get the parenting memo? you are supposed to let *everyone else* police your child and censor everything so that you don’t have to do jack shit…you are working too hard mommy…pssssh- taking the time to teach your child right form wrong and form their own opinions… you are giving the rest of us half-assed parents a bad name!

          • Anonymommy says:

            Well fuck me, didn’t get that memo. I’d use it as toilet paper anyway, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Thanks for telling me about the memo tattletale. Explains why so many are “mothering” the way they are round the fandom. I do see a benefit in nurturing authors but if their tantrums or self-importance get to the point they seem to, that nurturing is not working. Granted this way may not be the most ideal method either, but it’s so much more fun. LOL!

    • Anonymous says:

      I wish we were all happy like we used to be in middle school. I wish I could bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.

    • tattletale says:

      ahhh but you miss the point! It has been all the ass-holy ness <——–copyright Oh Jeebus 2010, that has led us here in the first place.

      and I'm an adult- so if I choose a hate ring as the subject of my coffee cub- who are you to judge it! so nanny nanny boo boo!

      • oh jeebus says:

        That’s right, that word is mine, bitches!

        And you go Tattle, you tell ’em!

        • Garth says:

          actually, you don’t own shit. The term ass-holy is a derrivative work orginating from my proclomation that this ass had found its holy land. cease and desist.

          …..sorry, punchy at work today. need the lulz.

          • oh jeebus says:

            Hey! But I totally already copyrighted it and everything! I said it was mine first, so that means it is mine and you can’t have it, I don’t care if I did steal your work and switch it up a little, it’s totally mine now!! So there!

            And I’m punchy almost all the time, it makes everything so much more funny and interesting.

            • tattletale says:

              Oh, fuck me *trips* (that’s short for triplets) I copyrighted that shit…well intellectually anyway…

              I haven’t had this much fun since I baked a cake in middle school with rainbows and shit! it tasted funny tho…?

              • oh jeebus says:

                Lol, yeah I’m having a great time watching everything going on here today. =D

                And I like *trips*, it’s got a nice ring to it.

      • Anonymommy says:

        …choose a hate ring…I don’t know you but I already love you. LOL!

  30. Anonymous says:

    People can bash this blog all they want but everyone and their momma know you’re ALL thinking this same shit.

    You can’t say shit on Twilighted unless you’re blowing rainbows and smiles and cupcakes up people’s ass. ADF isn’t so bad. This though lets you speak your peace in private.

    This is no different than saying it anywhere else.

    It’s all anonymous.

    Edward’s whoever is still an anonymous person even if a screen name is listed.

  31. Anonymous says:

    Her tree fic sucked. Couldn’t even get passed the first chapter.


  32. WantToHumpTwankward says:

    I was wondering how many days it would take before people started hating on the haters….I don’t think this is a ‘hate’ site…I think it’s a site that is saying shit that everyone thinks but don’t want to get put on a stake or cross for…..

    nuff said..bring on the Twankward..I want to hump him all to myself….there has to be a Twankward in the fandom right>?!

  33. Anonymous says:

    This is like the never ending twank.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Can we have an open forum where we nominate authors to be twanked? For example, AG (no need for an explanation on why), the chick who writes EP (faking swineflu andosing a baby, faking a husband, I could keep going), ABG (who while visiting the NM set in VC sat by an elevator waiting for Rob to show up so she could offer him a blowjob), the girl who writes Daniel Gale (her ego is big enough to over shadow 90% of this fandom). I could continue all fucking day.

    • Anonymous says:

      Er, what? ABG as in AngryBadgerGirl? Seriously? She seriously thought that Robert Pattinson was so sexually desperate that he would willingly accept a blowjob from a fat, ugly fangirl?

      More details please!

    • LOLOLOL!!!111 says:

      Uh – Is all of this shit true? If it is, then there are way wanky-twanky people for you idjits to be picking on than a pregnant lady. I’d reather see these twanks ^^^^ anyway. At least we’d be learning something new in the fandom.

    • anona says:

      Did she really fake swine flu and husband? WTF?

      My list of authors who’s egos need to be checked: EP chick, Mac214, Lolashoes, woman who wrote Poughkeepsie (isn’t she trying to get it published?) , ikiss, anabanana. I have no problem if a fic gets big, but my issue is when the writer is too big for her big girl pants.

      Who is ABG?

      • Anonymous says:

        What did Mac214 do? She’s alright. And the rest of them? Poughkeepsie girl needs a checkn for sho. Annabanana needs to stop being everyone’s beta and finish her own fucking fic.

        • Anon E Mouse says:

          She whines about her reviewers and readers and expects everyone to fawn all over her. She also has a Twitter set up for one of her ‘wards’. She’s pretty famous for her ego. Go check her Twitter and it oozes forth.

    • Anon says:

      The writer of EP faked a husband? What! I am too busy reading the stories, I guess I’m missing the facts about the assholes writing them. Another reason to be happy about this site, a valuable source for the dirty truth. And the girl who writes Daniel Stale…more wank please. 😉

      • tattletale says:

        you should copyright ———> “Daniel Stale”<———copyright that

        • Anonymommy says:

          Daniel Stale Copyrighted Galazywide Bitches…including Alderaan, Cardassia, Holberg 917G the far outer rim of Tatooine’s asshole.

          • Anonymommy says:

            typo, Galaxywide, although Galazywide could be even BIGGER than galaxy. Galazzzzzzywide, rollin’ with the homegirls through the Galazzzzy in our great big spacecraft, foshizzzle the Galazzzy yo. Let’s all hunt down Han Solo. I’m sure ABG will give him a blowjob, even if he isn’t Rob. I might join her. We’re all looking for a good time…in our own ways. *g*

            • AngryBadgerGirl says:

              Stop making jokes about my alleged (actual) promiscuity! I’m trying to be offended at someone having called me fat and ugly. DO YOU MIND?

              Rob isn’t that desperate. It’s that mah suckin skillz iz THAT GUD.

              Wait, why am I admitting to all this? I should be having some kind of tantrum instead, shouldn’t I? Meh, I’m too lazy. I’ve done more than my share of twanking when I was newer to the fandom. Now it’s an honor just to be mentioned at all. I’m flattered that people even think I’m twanky enough for the twankery club. ;o)

              • Anonymommy says:

                I appreciate your sense of humor about all this ABG, and I did say I might join you, so that is saying something about me too BB. Actual…alleged…it’s all subjective. 😉

              • Anonnnie says:

                For what it’s worth, between this and the fic sharing thread on ADF, I am liking you quite a bit.

      • BOO! says:

        You’re doing better than I am. Dorkous that I am, I really thought Daniel Gale was a dude, LMAO!!! *blushes over cluelessness*

      • Anon E Mouse says:

        She faked swine flue and a husband? WTF? Is that for real or are you kidding?

    • YES! I was hoping my name would come up! Someone cue up the music to the Jeffersons cos now I’m up in the big leagues. Of course I sat by an elevator and waited to offer Rob a blowjob. LIKE YOU WOULDN’T? Psssh. Judgey McJudgerson.

    • Twilight Slush says:

      Ummmm she faked her husband? How do you know that? WTF? Details please!

    • tattletale says:

      WOW! Get this chick on staff statt! She has the tri-fecta!

      I’m sure you said something worthwhile in your post but I couldn’t see it…I was eclipsed by Daniel Gale

    • BippityBoppitybitch says:

      Again, this was my original post. ABG, awesome for you to comment. I laughed when I saw it. As for offering Rob a blowjob? Fuck no I wouldn’t. We wonder why Twifans get a bad rep. That’s why. I do love the fact that you don’t try to act all high and mighty about it though.

      Regarding Daniel Gale- any fic involving Bella shoving a thermometer up Edward’s ass is sick and not at all humorous.

      The girl who writes EP has been the center of lies and drama since day one. I actually liked the story, originally, even with the atrocious grammar mistakes. Until the whole “I have swine flu”, “I lost a baby”, “My husband’s a cop, follow him on Twitter”. As it turns out, I was not the only one who found her annoying as fuck. I know people (who she was stupid enough to give her real name to, so they could send her Twi goodies) pissed her off and looked up her real information. What they found out what that her “husband” was never listed as a police officer in the town she lived in. She did however have a spouse listed in a jail in the area. Her name was listed on visitation records at said jail also. (People who go to these lengths to dig this shit up must have some serious stalking abilities) But even with or without made up husbands and fake children that died, I lost interest in the story and moved on.

      I have no idea if any of the information about her is true but I heard it from several different people. I called bullshit on the miscarriage from the day she had someone make an announcement about it on Twitter. So I wouldn’t really be surprised if anything else that came from her mouth (or keyboard) was a lie.

      • twankhard says:

        I wouldn’t even know who to twank on that one. The author (who has way more valid twanks), or the Creepy McCreepersons who would go that far to invade her privacy.

      • Anon E Mouse says:

        Then I guess her ‘husband’ is in law enforcement of sorts. LOL

      • Tanya Denali says:

        You mean all the time she tweeted about going to Italy with her hubby every other weekend she was lieing.

      • Anonymous says:

        She called him her boyfriend Ben De Luca or some shit like that. She never said they were married. Only engaged. She tells way too much of her personal life so people don’t have to stalk. She and Ben were luvers forever but she went down the wrong path and had a baby with someone else then later got back together with Ben (who is the inspiration for Edward in EP with his Italian heritage and potty mouth) and she got pregnant then they got engaged and then she had swine flu and miscarried.

        I don’t really think a person as old as her would lie about swine flu and a miscarriage. Only that bitch daddyslittlecannibal would lie about serious shit.

        • thankfuckimnotawriter says:

          Well here’s an explanation. If someone fucked me on regular basis with a nine inch cock I probably wouldn’t get the facts straight either. Talking about screwing your brains out.

        • BippityBoppityBitch says:

          Well, I won’t argue that she did or didn’t lie about anything. She is still crazy as hell, with or without a fake husband/boyfriend/fuckbuddy/babydaddy/mafiaprince/idontgiveafuck.

        • yomama says:

          She DID tell some people she got married. They went to the courthouse.

    • S says:

      WOW!! I’ve personally met the author of EP and her husband…and the part where you really went their abt her faking the loss of her baby is horrendous. Lets hope Karma never sees you in such a situation where you lose a child. You’re despicable, especially since you don’t know her to sit there and judge what is legit and not about her life.

      It’s a shame ppl don’t know who you are. You sound like a loser…I bet you are. God forbid we see what your ego is REALLY made out of in your RL. And if you are lacking in self-esteem I’d understand why.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Oh, and anyone involved in the whole FGB bullshit. TBY, Lolashoes, Nina… What started out as a great idea ended up being a huge publicity stunt for a select few authors. and the worst part was that so many people in this fandom bought into it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Yes. And thank you.

    • Anonymous says:

      At first, I thought this site was great. It called out some of the stupidity that goes on behind fandom, but when you begin to attack people who do things out of the goodness of their hearts, that’s just fucked up. They are in no way attention whores but good women who no matter what give you kind words, encourage you to work harder at your fics and take time out of their own lives to do something for a great cause. What you just said makes me realize how mean and misunderstanding some people in fandom can be. Until you suffer the loss of a child with cancer, or have friends who’ve lost their children because of the disease, then maybe you’ll feel some sort of regret for those words spoken, but until then, you are just plain mean. FGB needs to stay off this site. It’s too good of a cause to get mixed in this BS.

      • holy fictioners says:

        What has FGB to do with charity anymore when it’s been turned into a huge popularity contest with fics and writers rivalling each other? It’s all about who gets the biggest bidding team(s), whose team gives the most, who can say THEY contributed to charity, changed the world, OMG!!!!!!

        People who do charity and want to do charity out of the kindness of their hearts don’t do it for fame or popularity. Neither the readers nor the writers really give me the impression they give a damn about cancer. It’s all just funnnnnnnn! Maybe some did care in the beginning, but it’s just a farce now. Tacky, tacky, tacky. But tackiness in the name of charity is holy, right? You can’t touch it.

        • Anonymous says:

          It’s not that you can’t touch it. You can focus on the negativity if you want – but that’s your bag, not FGB’s.

          The only reason FGB was some big tacky popularity contest to you is because you let yourself get caught up in that nonsense. Most people were able to laugh at those crazy few who built up all this drama around some of the author auctions.

          Make fun of *that* stupid ass shit. What a fucking joke to make it into a competition. Or people who equate their self worth & popularity based on how much money their auction offer generated? That’s funny. And also bound to happen as part of the nature of an auction. So, lame but funny.

          But the truth is that it was an awesome way to raise money for a great charity.

          I’ll be the first to admit – I got caught up in the fun of it and spent way more money than I would have otherwise given in a straight up donation.

          But don’t try to tell me that you know what these women’s intentions were when they donated their hard earned money. Every single time the amount went up for something I was bidding on, my line of thinking was, “oooh, that’s more money than I wanted to spend, but fuck it, it’s for charity afterall.” I’m not saying I’m some kind of saint but I say this because it’s important to realize there’s a difference btwn the fandom drama ego-fest and the actual fund raising that is going on via FGB.

        • itiswhatitis says:

          I look at fgb this way: the teams/publicity/author-doucheyness/whatever aside, somewhere in the neighborhood of $200K was raised to benefit childhood cancer in the last year through it. At the end of my day, that matters a whole hell of a lot more than the bullshit politics that got it there. Is it tacky to turn a charity thing into a bitch/pimp-fest? FUCK YES IT IS! But $200K for childhood cancer is way more important to me. I don’t really care why any of the people who donated did, I just care that they donated.

    • Anon says:

      “Oh, and anyone involved in the whole FGB bullshit. TBY, Lolashoes, Nina… What started out as a great idea ended up being a huge publicity stunt for a select few authors. and the worst part was that so many people in this fandom bought into it.”

      I’m embarrassed I bought into it too. I’m not sure who is to blame though. Organizing this kind of huge venture was a noble thing to do and involving authors was a good way to get the $ flowing. But that is where the problem is too. We all want to give to a good cause but it was twisted into teams trying to outwit, outbid and outspend (Fandom Survivor!). Competition between threads, the fangirls, the authors, and don’t get me started about the open bidding joke they pulled this year. If you want to give to charity, DO IT don’t make us sit at home so that we can post our bid for dramatic effects as the team leaders sit back giggling because they already know the limits of how much we would pledge. They would have made a shit more money if they had not sent those parameters because my limit was not reached. Had I just bid it outright instead of this stupid buildup of bidding, they would have made even more from me.

      The University of Edward Masen author even went so far as to set a limit to get a certain kind of “submission.” He/She/They (who knows at this point, and really who cares) promised a hotter entry if the Team raised above a certain amount. I didn’t bid for it so I may never know if it was worth it, but competition between the threads was laughable. UOEM posters wanted to outbid the MOTU people, etc, all with the ringleader Squalloogal directing the circus, the threads exchanging little jibes to get moral up and the wallets opening. I know it’s for charity, but is it a good thing? Verdict still out on that one. A ton of money was raised. Great. But now a ton of questions have arisen. I think thats great too. I hope anons come forward with info that can give us a look into what really was going on, and who’s egos were the most sparkling.

      • Anonymous says:

        Those organizers removed stories during FGB.The Office,Bella Swan Diaries,Trust in Advertising,Boycotts and Barflies I think.The timing was curious.

      • tattletale says:

        I’m with you on that one chica…that’s why I gave my money to the creature of habit team. They took my donation with an excited squee and I didn’t have to prove paternity, match dna or give a retinal scan to get it.

      • Very Disappointed says:

        i was really digging this site when at first. now i am very disappointed. what started out as hilarious satire over ridiculous behavior, has now gone down the bitter betty road.

        why the fuck are you complaining about an event that raised thousands of dollars for a children’s cancer charity? was anyone hurt? was the money put into the organizer’s pockets? because those things would be something to voice.

        so you say the negative aspects of this situation was author’s egos were boosted, or people opened their wallets wider for more smut…ummm…so?? this fandom already has big headed authors who think they are the shit. why not use that ego to pump some money to a great cause? so are you saying we should only help a great cause if no organizer gets publicity, no author gains recognition, and no bidder feels bad for being outbid?? hmmmm…

        here is a suggestion. don’t take part in the community part in this fandom. read or write in private and don’t interact with anyone. and go online and support your favorite charity privately.

        i feel like the people who are uber negative and catty for no reason are just as bad as the BNA you swear need to be taken down a peg. these nasty comments about a specific fic just for the sake of hating are beginning to diminish the purpose of a site like this. if you want people to understand how ridiculous their behavior is, you should stick to just that. don’t allow this site to be overrun by personal attacks and non-related complaining. since you moderate each comment why don’t you choose to leave out the ones that aren’t relevant.

        • Anon E Mouse says:

          I love to snark with the best of ’em, but the fundraisers really do an admirable thing. I don’t know if it has gotten out of hand with people pushing agendas and feeding egos. At the end of the day, it still raises $ for a good cause.

        • BippityBoppitybitch says:

          I am the one who posted the FGB comment originally and here is what I see was the problem. The first FGB started out awesome. As a fandom we were doing something really worthwhile. Then, you start to get to know the authors running it. You find out that certain ones contacted CNN about the whole thing (although they claim to not want any individual attention), then you have another who is constantly talking about how she wants Peter to find out that she helped get the whole thing started (because she is nothing more than a glorified stalker), and finally you have people like TBY who yanked her story for “publishing” and then sent C&D letters to people who had saved copies of the chapters. OH and then you hear that she pulled it because it contained “smut” and she didn’t want to be known for writing “smut”. Alright, that’s all fine, EXCEPT for the fact that 90% of the authors that signed up for FGB auctions write smut. If it had just been the five or six authors that started the whole thing, would it have been as successful? No. Again, like I said earlier, it started with the best of intentions and got to the point of being absurd.

          Am I bitter? Fuck no. Am I jealous? Hah, yeah. I wish that the meaning of my life revolved around being popular in the Twilight fanfic fandom. It rates right up there with being attacked by man eating jackrabbits.

          • Anonymous says:

            “then you have another who is constantly talking about how she wants Peter to find out that she helped get the whole thing started (because she is nothing more than a glorified stalker)”

            who, giselle?

          • Very Disappointed says:


            i still don’t see your point?? you say it turned into a publicity stunt. so??….the more publicity the more money raised, the more spotlight on alex’s lemonade stand. who cares who gets the the spotlight. the money still went to a great place. why wouldn’t someone contact CNN?! im tired of seeing horrible shit on the news all the time. i would love to see a segment about an online twilight fandom raising over $100k for children’s cancer research. again, that may encourage someone at home to contribute, and again, it puts spotlight on alex’s lemonade stand…

            and as far as the author’s pulling theirs stories…they do it anyway! there is always some lame ass excuse as to why they story got pulled and blah blah blah. do you stop being apart of this fandom because of it? are you not reading, writing or participating in fandom discussions (like this one). so why would you tear down FGB and say its just a stunt??

            i swear people are just SEARCHING for shit to whine and complain about….damn…

            • BippityBoppityBitch says:

              Publicity for the charity alone would have been fine, encouraged even. When you single yourselves out instead of focusing on the fact that hundreds of other authors/fans donated their time and money, that is selfserving. Maybe I am just a jealous, crazy, obsessive, complaing bitch. I just think that you should donate to donate, give to give, help to help. Not to turn it into a popularity contest.

              As for TBY pulling The Office (which was just a boring story with an abundant amount of smut and panties) I could care less. The fact that she made a huge ordeal about it and then changed her reasoning about why it was pulled, that is what made her decision twatterific. If she would have just owned up to it then I might have respected her a little more. No, who am I kidding, I wouldn’t. But that is because I am a jealous bitch hiding behind a fake name.

            • Stop says:

              Any and all media attention should solely be on Alex’s Lemonade. It’s called FANDOM Gives Back. It should stay within the fandom. Thinking anyone in the fandom should get a national pat on the back for this is ridiculous. It should completely be about ALS and kids with cancer.

    • Anon E Mouse says:

      Lolashoes has a huge ego.

      • BippityBoppitybitch says:

        You can say that again. I can’t stand her ass.

        • Anonymous says:

          Lola has a big ego? Who knew? I thought she was a delicate, tropical flower who needed Algie to fight her battles for her.

          • Anon E Mouse says:

            I hope people coming here don’t think that we’re all snarking on an author just because she has a popular fic. There are tons of authors with popular stories who are down to earth & cool (I’m sure we could all come up with a list). The thing that is bugging most here (I’m guessing), is when an author grows out of her big girl pants, gets a sense of entitlement, pushes opinions down throats, disses readers/other authors and so on.

            About Omnific, are all their titles former fics? Would a legit house publish something that was ever online in any fashion, fic or not? I’ve heard publishers won’t touch anything that has been out in public domain before.

            • BippityBoppityBitch says:

              I agree. I know several authors who are humble, funny, and not at all twankish. But they get overshadowed by these bigger authors, with bigger stories.

  36. Anonymous says:

    I personally love how everyone thinks that this a productive thing to do.

    All I see is a bunch of hateful, bitter people, hating and being bitter toward people they are accusing of being hateful and bitter…I just had no idea how many hypocrites there were in this fandom until this blog….so I guess, thanks for that.

    • Anonymommy says:

      It’s very productive. Dare I say it’s therapeutic? Are you aware that the Forums have strict guidelines for discussion? As an example, look at Twilighted’s TOS that you agree to when you join. It’s restrictive. The chains are unlocked here, unhindered by fear of repercussion under the handle that marks an X on our backs. It’s extremely productive. I’d bet that this site may very well improve the way fandom operates. I don’t see dishonesty here just the harsh truth and harsh is better than none at all. Get over yourself and what you consider productive and maybe your application of words like hateful and bitter will one day change to something more positive for what we all are doing/being. I have learned more on this site in 2 days than I have spending a couple of months on ADF or Twilighted. There we are restrained and here we are not. Freedom. Tastes mighty good.

      • Anonymous says:

        I wasn’t digger what you said earlier about kids and school and shit Anonymommy but I’m with you on this. I thought you weren’t feeling the hatred here but I like the change in tune. Nothing wrong with changing your mind.

        I hope this changes the way this fandom operates. We USE TO BE NICE. Egos have ruined this fandom.

        The harsh truth is what everyone is thinking but can’t say because you can’t speak the truth. It’s not wrong to bash a person when that person DOES something bash worthy and some egos and stupid shit deserves some bashing so speak your thoughts people.

  37. Anonymous says:

    Twitter is no friend to authors. Readers would be much better off not following authors, because 99 percent of authors, no matter how beautifully they write, seem to be two-faced hipsters, self-absorbed dimwits, lust-addled and grammatically-challenged morons, and/or name-dropping cretins who despise their uncool readers. Ladies, we don’t care about your lame KStew fantasies, your clothes, your drinking problem, your stash of slash porn, how humble you think you are, and we sure as hell don’t want to meet you in real life.

  38. yomama says:

    What i love the most about “dani” is ALL of the time she spends talking shit about “the fandom” and twatlickers and cuntlickers etc etc etc ad nauseum like she is above it all BUT SHE IS STILL HERE!!!!! As long as people are licking HER cunt, it’s all good in the hood. But let it be HH or someone else and she spends inordinate amounts of time raging over it. Don’t get me started on the bipolar moving fic shit.

  39. Anonymous says:

    Anyone else notice how all these “big” authors are all spreading the “happy,happy,joy,joy” moral on Twitter? Is it because they’ve finally noticed that readers are getting pissed? So instead of being like “hey, sorry for being a huge bitch”, now they are like “look at me! I’m farting rainbows and sunshine! I love my readers! I love, love, love, LOVE!” Too little too late, maybe?

    As far as the Khar/EP rumors, I’ve heard that too. Are they true? No idea. I do know that the whole swineflu/baby thing didn’t really add up.

  40. Anonymous says:

    Anyone else notice how all these “big” authors are all spreading the “happy,happy,joy,joy” moral on Twitter? Is it because they’ve finally noticed that readers are getting pissed? So instead of being like “hey, sorry for being a huge bitch”, now they are like “look at me! I’m farting rainbows and sunshine! I love my readers! I love, love, love, LOVE!” Too little too late, maybe?

    As far as the Khar/EP rumors, I’ve heard that too. Are they true? No idea. I do know that the whole swineflu/baby thing didn’t really add up.

  41. Some Random Person says:

    I have a suggestion for an upcoming twank. I will definitely send in screen caps the next time this happens too. Can we please discuss those people on facebook who will make this big announcement about “cleaning up” their friends list so they only keep around the faithful ass kissers? It’s not just authors that do this. It is so fucking annoying and self-important. And they never give a reason either. They just leave a cryptic status about “haters” and then have everyone run to their defense in the comments on it. So sick of seeing this.

    • Anonymous says:

      So would you rather they just did it silently, then?

      Why would anyone want anyone on their “FRIENDS” list who isn’t really a friend? This is what I dislike about Twatter. You defriend someone and all hell breaks loose when really, you just don’t want the drama. And yeah, I’ve seen people try to do it with out the whole “I’m doing this!” tantrum, it still causes a rukkus.

      Lose lose situation if ya ask me.

  42. Fandomitis says:

    As someone who asked fgb people about the teams let me tell you the one I spoke to was just as fed up with the antics as everyone else. The problem was the team leaders and the authors making it into a competition it was a disgrace. Squally was the worst of all of them making it about her

    • Anonymommy says:

      “As someone who asked fgb people about the teams let me tell you the one I spoke to was just as fed up with the antics as everyone else. The problem was the team leaders and the authors making it into a competition it was a disgrace.”

      I believe this. After seeing it unfold on the threads (I’m on rarely, and only lurk), I think many of us recognized the monster egos turning the fundraising into something a little too ugly. But the result was a huge amount of $ raised, so I’m not certain if anything can/will/should change, other than trying to tone down the egos. How can one do that? Ugh headache just thinking about it.

  43. Anonymous says:

    @Daniella – however your name goes – … Dig up stupid.

    I have to agree, i think this is all healthy. All of those that are coming on and posting these ‘holier than thou’ comments on respecting each other, how being nasty isn’t the answer, if my child saw this thread blah blah fucking blah. *hands out buckets to all the preachers* Here! Stick these under your chins, no one wants to smell the bullshit you’re dribbling.

    This is a great way to get out all that pent up tension and anger, or whatever it is you have (and don’t say you have nothing to say, coz this fandom is fucked up) and just spill it!!! PURGE! GET IT OUT! Who cares if you’re anon?! Isn’t it better to just write an anonymous letter of pure venom, get it out of your system and then no one’s the wiser?!

    All these authors know, is that a bunch of anon people hate their attitudes or their stories. You know what? That’s LIFE!!! NO ONE is fucking perfect! There’s people that bitch about people behind their backs in RL too, so why not in the fandom? And why not in one place?

    The authors may just learn a thing or two about themselves, if they took a step back from the defence line and really looked at what’s being said.

    I’ve had people hate my fics and even tell me so in reviews. I have ALWAYS replied with “i’m sorry my story doesn’t seem to be your cup of tea, i hope you find something that you will enjoy reading” or along those lines. If you put yourself out there, then you have to take the good with the bad or else you’ll be a fucking hermit! Foetal in a dark corner somewhere crying coz nobody likes you.

    I don’t understand the fangirls coming in to defend these authors, when it seems to me that the authors would have come in and said their piece. ( like Danieller whatever her name is here….though we wont go there coz i’m still laughing at the hole she’s digging)

    @Twankhard thank you. Keep it coming. And i’m sure this is possibly amongst the tl;dr 😉

    • so obnoxious says:

      i agree! it’s a flippin hobby. i really don’t understand where all this avid and somewhat pathological behavior comes from. do model train builders go through the same BS?

  44. tattletale says:

    I’m also wondering when AG will finally admit to not being the sole author of WA…hmmm

  45. Anonymous says:

    CAn I just say I’m laughing so hard!

  46. BOO! says:

    Christ, I was sucked into that too. I started having twankery stress that noone would buy my fic and I’d be shamed out of the fandom for being so losery. As it turned out someone spent 5 bucks on it. So, YAY, my lowly twi author status was maintained!!

  47. DyingOfLaughter says:

    god i love this site. i stopped reading FF when all the ‘cliques’ came about and after the twitter wars started of robsten and nonsten i deleted my twitter.

    i followed a few authors on twitter when i had one. can we PLEASE twank FF authors who ‘twitter-fuck’ fictional edward characters (why do these edward characters have their OWN twitters!!!! THAT is a twank in of itself!!). these authors go on for hourssssssssss twitter fucking; talking about sucking dick, slurping, threesomes with another. it’s fucking gross. some ppl in this fandom obviously don’t get any real dicks in their twats so they write their smut in their FF and masturbate to their fantasy and then twitter fuck fictional characters. get off the computer and go out and find a REAL man with a REAL dick (or a woman with a real pussy, whatever floats your boat).

    • SnortTwank says:

      Kind of like the authors who have 2 tweeter accounts because they are SOOOOO big. Tweet fic shit from one but have the same people on another just because they are too huge to let the masses know of their all important updates. Like antiaol. Besides bitching and moaning all day on twitter about her kids and all the fics that are beneath her ( cool name btw FLOUNCYBri. Be proud of it, girlfriend. Raise that ego flag with pride. People are waiting to hear what fics are good and which are bad based off what you say) she had to have two twitters and a blog to keep people informed. I took the Flounce 101 advice from her and promptly flounced her fic when Pussyward’s dick fell off from all the whining and crying he did over a chick who he banged a few times, (and who was also banging the whole neighborhood,) and came back 10 years later and ***poof*** *wave magic wand* they were like still like totally in love!!! *eyeroll*

      • cookiemonster says:

        Isn’t antiaol, uh, I mean flouncybri the one who talks about the state of her pubic grooming ad nauseum? Authors, please refrain from discussing any details about your cooter. That includes all of the TMI posts on ADF.

      • Anonymous says:

        I actually like her work, but this is so true. Thanks for the laugh.

    • Anonymous says:

      Middle aged women going online to play some fictional character who is MALE and only goes online to chat up the fan girls, just totally creeps me out and is right up there with the losers that spend 20hours a day playing WOW or the old men that chat up young girls via chat rooms, IMO.
      Get. A. Fucking. Life. You. Sick. Perverted. Tossers.

  48. Anonymous says:

    I love it when people come on here and blatantly accuse other places like ADF and nonsten etc. Of being behind twankhard. It’s like they’re fishing for a reaction so they can start the crusade. Give it up. Twank isn’t the brainchild of an established corner of the fandom. They’re obviously much smarter than that.

    On another note I don’t see why it’s so vial that a place like this, founded on solid info no less, is sooooo terrible yet it’s totally acceptable for these author driven blogs and public wank sessions to exsist and tell everyone else how we’re supposed to feel. Take your own advice! Don’t like it, don’t bother to read.

    • BippityBoppityBitch says:

      Agreed with this 100%.

    • Anonymous says:

      I don’t know who started this but I wish I could hug you. Curiosity is killing the cat in me about it though. Someone on ADF weeks back mentioned starting or finding a site to rant in private about things that needed to be said and they go bitched the FUCK out over it.

      All I have to say is, honey if you succeeded if starting this site I applaud you greatly and congrats on the baby.

      • Anonymous says:

        that was me. and it was months ago. and no it’s not my site. TWANKHARDS you’re violating my copyright bitches. lol. why didn’t you invite me???

        I’m also sure I wasn’t the first one who thought this would be a good idea. But I got completely roasted in that campfire and I’m pretty sure I’ve never managed to shake off the “bitch” label since. Eh, IDGAF. This place is the tits. Much more productive than the passive aggressive sniping you see in the communities.

      • Anonymous says:

        I think you’re talking about this:

        But, I have on good authority this is not her blog.

  49. tattletale says:

    Hey- where is today’s twank- this one is played out– I need something new to mock!

    • twankhard says:

      I’m working up your Johnny twank, but it’s mostly for the lulz. That guy, I can’t even…

      • BippityBoppityBitch says:

        Is he even really a guy? Is Sabastian Robalallalachard a real guy too?

        • oh jeebus says:

          That’s the consensus on Twilighted, although he/she/it has never come out and said either way, so…

          As to Johnny, doesn’t it say on his profile that he’s a guy? (Even though, as someone pointed out on another post people can say whatever they want about themselves on ffn. But why would you lie about something like that?) Or am I thinking of someone else?

          • tattletale says:

            Hey Trip! There are lots of guys…i think there is a fear (or used to be) of *snickers* coming out bc peeps would assume they were gay.

            SR is a guy, Morgan Locklear is a guy, Stratan is a guy (I think) Johnny is a guy…there are others, but those are the most notable. They all mention they are also *not* gay. Although, SR has never noted, but I suspect he is actually a Canadian family man…

            But I am rubbing *rubbing* my hands together on the JohnnyB tool…can’t wait! Although- he may NOT be able to see your post over his own ego!

            • oh jeebus says:

              Hi Trip! *waves*

              Now I’m really curious about Johnny. I’ve never read any of his stories – hell, I’ve barely just heard of him – but I really wanna know what he’s done that’s Twank-worthy.

              Oh and who’s Straten? Never heard of him.

            • twankhard says:

              People don’t think they’re gay because they write FF. They think they’re gay because they write FF and direct you to the pictures of everyone’s outfits on their profile.

            • anonymouslyLOL'ing says:

              …And Leon McFrenchington is ABG aka McVampy aka batshit crazy

              • AngryBadgerGirl says:

                Mybatshitcrazy says whert? This gossip is from like eleventy frillion eons ago.

                But let’s get this alleged (actual) story straight. Leon’s my transgendered husband. He was Leona, the hermaphrodite sword swallower I met when the carnival came through town. I fell so hard. I mean literally. I tripped over his big sword. The one he was about to swallow. Cos Leona could swallow, lemme tell ya. Sorry, I’m obsessed with blowjobs and the taste of skittles-flavored love juices.

                Anyh00r, Leona and I ran away together, where they turned his half-a-hole into a whole-pole using the latest in hydraulic/bionic phallus building technology. All of this was funded by my alleged (delusional) sale of my original fic entitled Enefriends.

                See, the truth is so boring. Just your typical girl meets carny with half a peen-vag love story.

                • Anonymous says:

                  ABG, is a disturbed person with multiple personality disorder, who has for what ever reason mistaken me for a previous lover from the lunatic asylum – where she has been a longtime resident.
                  She stalks my house, doing lewd things to my mail box, tries to dry hump my Labradoodle and offers blow jobs to my neighbors.
                  I have lost my social standing in the P&C committee because of this!

            • Anonymous says:

              I like him because he owns up to it. He has an ego and is a little bitch about it but it’s him. Unlike Dani, he’s not bashing other authors when he’s shit isn’t perfect.

              With a beta (now) he has grammatical errors up the ying yang but he tells a good story.

          • Garth says:

            Hey Dudes. That’s all. I just like you 🙂

        • thankfuckimnotawriter says:

          If he’s a guy, he must be gay. his profile is full of polyvores and shit, no straight guy would do that.

          • Anonymous says:

            ROTFLMAO! I thought he was gay too! He probably is. I picture him as the Christian Sirano of the fandom.

            • WTFchuck? says:

              I only know of 2 guys that write FF. One being ML who you mentioned and the other hasn’t been mentioned at all. Who is Johnny and this other guy and what do they write?

      • tattletale says:


  50. yomama says:

    I was in a group of people that received an email with a photo of Khar’s “husband’s” dick in it. I still have it and it came from her email so it has her real name.

  51. Anonymous says:

    I doubt there’s going to be any kind of forum ladies. That’s how problems start. This is meant to expose people who deserve it, not create a clique of people voting on others.

    I have no intention of starting exactly what we’re fighting against here. I doubt they do either.

  52. anonymous says:

    Squally made the FGB all about her? Who would of thunk it?! Not HER, surely?!

    If the FGB had been organized the same way that Miss Kathy had organized the Haiti Fundraiser – where the emphasis was on the FUNDRAISING and not on the WRITERS/TEAMS and the absolutely ridiculously over the top crap that went down with FGB this year, then it would have been fine.

    If you want to fundraise, then the emphasis should be on the FUNDRAISING.

    It should be about the intention to do good – Not on the individuals who do the fundraising, not on kissing butts with the authors that contribute, not on the self-congratulations aren’t we wonderful bullshit, not on the self-promotion and the gaining of popularity in the fandom.

    But it didn’t seem to go down that way, so perhaps the organizers need to revisit their process so that people don’t become cynical about what they are trying to do… by returning the emphasis to Alex’s Lemonade Stand.

    • Fandomitis says:

      Bwahahaha MsKathy. The Haiti project was her way of pushing her massive ass ego onto the fandom and come out looking like a fucking gem. Please.

      Talk about ego and twitter accts? She’s up to three, porn, fic and sugar-laden ass candy spewing about how wonderful she/life is when behind the scenes she’s tearing down everyone within reach.

      No offense too but the writers/teams pushed themselves onto FGB. That much was clear by those three refusing to be involved in the organization of it.

  53. Incog Nito says:

    Anon E Mouse asked if legit publishing firms would publish Fan Fiction.

    The answer is – probably not.

    With the exception of Cassandra Clare, who cut her teeth writing HP FF, the transition is a hard one for many reasons.

    Smut – Real ‘authors’ (as opposed to ‘writers’) don’t rely on sex to tell their story. Most FF is so explicit that a publishing firm wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole. If you take out the sex, what is left? Go and have a look at MoTU on FF to see what happens when the smut is removed, and what remains. Really, most FF is nothing more than Mills and Boon, and even THEY aren’t as explicit as FF writers tend to be.

    Weirdness – just because something works in FF, doesn’t mean it would work in RL. Stories like WA, CWAIA and EP, are, quite frankly, so WEIRD that publishers wouldn’t be able to promote them or market them easily.

    Ending – the popular FF ride a wave of, well, popularity, and the writers tend to drag out their stories beyond their used-by-date. They really seem to struggle with knowing how to ‘end’ their story, and how to end it well. (think CWAIA, EP) FF writing should really be used as a tool to refine these skills.

    Characterization – because the stories are FF, there are inherent traits based on canon that make them identifiable as FF. Some of this is so ingrained into FF writing, that people don’t even notice it. Most stories would need a massive re-write in order to be legally publishable and dodge the copyright bullet.

    The Edward Cullen factor – if you change the name of most FF to something else, would you REALLY care about the story? Chances are…no. You’re reading it *because* it is about the Cullens, specifically Edward and Bella. Go change the name Edward for ‘Bob’ in the first chapter of your favourite FF and see if you still want to keep reading.

    The FF factor – how many of your RL friends and your RL family know that you read/write FF? Most of us keep our FF habit on the low because there is a certain stigma that comes with reading it and writing it. The world of publishing is no different. Though, I’m sure that publishers *do* scour the FF world looking for the next upcoming talent.

    There is, however, a huge difference between what is good writing that is potentially publishable; and what is popular; and FF tends to forget that from time to time.

    • Anon E Mouse says:

      Incog, I totally see your point. I gave in and got the ebook of B&B because I enjoyed the fic and wanted to see how it translated. There was definitely something lost in the translation. Some of Omnific’s titles can translate well (I don’t know if Seers of Light was a fic or not, but it can stand on its own), but the others–not so much. Keep in mind that I haven’t read all of their titles. They seem to be the next stop for fic writers who ‘pull for publishing’ in this realm.

      • Anonymous says:

        I totally agree on this. Boycott’s and Barflies was the first ff i ever read and I really enjoyed it. So, when it was published, I forked over the $15 for the paperback. Needless to say, I still haven’t finished it months later. I originally read it for B and E, so it just wasn’t as interesting to me when the characters were changed.

  54. WantToHumpTwankward says:

    Agreed….let’s all move onto another Twank!!

    I also find it amusing that the love fest has started AND if you follow TwankHard openly on Twitter….look out..the BNAs are watching!!!

    I come here for shits & giggles…and obviously word is getting out!

    As for FGB…I think it’s a great idea to raise money for charity but how about you actually sell stuff. I didn’t want to pay for stories….I got into FF because it’s free and I’m poor!! The team thing never actually made sense and the Team Leaders, some of them had egos worse than the authors,.

    I digress……another twank please….it’s a new day and we know there’s pahlenty of things that can be talked about!!!!

  55. Anonymous says:

    I thought a story about BDSM would have logically lots of smut. There’s called erotica. These novels have a plot but the relevance is the smut. I don’t say it’s right or wrong, but it does happen and it gets published for a select group of people. Whatever swings their boat

    • Incog Nito says:

      Even for erotica fiction, the rest of that post rings true if writers in the fandom want to become published.

      I was just using MoTU to make the point that to get published, stories need more than smut, and that if the smut is removed, what is left? It could have been any number of stories within the fandom.

  56. Imma Nonnie Toooo says:

    When is somebody gonna twank ARenee363 and her obsessive hatred of all things hunterhunting because HH’s tatt fic has about a gazillion more reviews than her, as well as her general batshitcrazyness, tweetfucking her girlfriend / having jealous tantrums when said GF tweetflirts with others, and her beyond narcissistic formspring account?

    Swear to Jeebus, twanking her would require a separate blog, let alone thread.

    • Anonymous says:

      This just made my day.

    • LOLOLOL!!!!111 says:


      Or just do a new twank. The LULZ are dying dooooown.

    • DyingOfLaughter says:

      bwuahahaha she is who i was talking about above about twitterfucking and one of her friends twitter fucks her edward character. it’s beyond disturbing.

      • Anonymous says:

        Some of that shit is funny as hell.

        But hysterical x-rated banter isn’t for everyone. If you’re not into it — unfollow her.

        • Imma Nonnie Toooo says:

          That’s a valid point but breeds even more ARenee twank. I unfollowed because I found that shit kinda creepy & didn’t care to see it. And then she demanded publically to know why (and I’ve seen her do this countless times). Reading ARenee364’s timeline for any length of time one can see narcissism at best. She comes across as mentally unstable to me.

    • ARenee363 says:


      I can’t thank you enough! This little jealous rant got me a shit ton of favorite emails from FFn today. I do hope you keep up with your blatant interest in me though, as it makes me feel so warm and giddy that you obviously do care, or else you’d have moved on long ago. Holding onto that hatred you have for me, instead of hurting me, means that I actually mean something around here!

      My narcissism knows no bounds though, I stare in the mirror all day when I’m not twitterfucking my GF…though, I would like to know if that’s something I do in my sleep as I usually keep the fucking to BBMs and Gchat. Hmm.

      Anywho, Twank away ladies. With every word you write, my follower count on Twitter and FFn continues to grow.

      *kisses* AR.

      • cookiemonster says:

        “Well-being and happiness never appeared to me as an absolute aim. I am even inclined to compare such moral aims to the ambitions of a pig.”

        — Albert Einstein

  57. Anonymous says:

    Was the author DaddyslittleCanibbal not dead? WTF. I cannot believe that. Is she a psycho?
    Please tell me this ain’t true

  58. Anonymous says:

    I can’t believe this… I’m speechless really. I ‘didn’t knew’ her, but when I was reading a story on a chapter that came up and I almost cried. I was really surprised. I have no words. What kind of person does that?

  59. WHOA says:

    “She did however have a spouse listed in a jail in the area. Her name was listed on visitation records at said jail also.” Are you sure about this? The town I live in is just 30 minutes away from where she lives. I’d love to look that up.

  60. SIGH says:

    You have got to be kidding me with these fangirls. She’s not racist? Seriously? It wasn’t just one comment from one character in The Workshop. It was multiple racist and bigoted statements from multiple characters. Apparently in multiple fics. I’m generally very good at blowing that sort of thing off, but it got to the point in TW where I had to flounce. Don’t kid yourselves, it is very apparent when the author is speaking through their characters. I don’t understand how something so poorly written with so many spelling and grammar errors, missing words, and word misuse (note: “adequate” does not mean “equate,” and “passed” is not an acceptable substitute for “past”) has people white-knighting it.

  61. Anonymous says:

    If another person says, ‘it wasn’t her that said it, it was Bella!’ then I have lost all expectations of reality and sense in this fandom. Fanfiction… FICTION, people. Everything that you read comes out of the head of an author – they put those thoughts together and they put those thoughts into words. Everything that is expressed is their own, and not of some make believe character.

    Oh, and thanking people for twanking you doesn’t make you look any cooler. Makes you look like a bigger moron than before. Just an FYI to you sweet, gentle authors out there who think you’re important and what not. =)

  62. Anonymous says:

    You mean like this? ~

    I think too many people in the world throw around the words “bigot” and “racist” these days. This is not to say it’s not out there or that some of the claims are actual, but I grew up in a bigoted / racist family. This author is not bigoted or racist. I read the excerpts.

    And let’s say she is. Then pretty much every author out there right now is, as well. Because most of them have their characters say something that could be construed this way.

    Even *gasp* SM herself, when the vampires and weres call each other names.

    Come on now people.
    Let’s be real.

    • SIGH says:

      Are you seriously comparing “leech” and “dog” to “fag” and ‘that brown person who does my plumbing?’ Jesus, please tell me you’re joking.

      I swear to God it drives me insane when people act like if something doesn’t rise to the level of experience they have it means that it is completely dismissible. Yeah, maybe your family was running around using every racist epithet in the book, but that doesn’t mean that what Danieller123 wrote thinking she’s cute and funny doesn’t rise to the level of racism and bigotry.

  63. totallymademyday says:

    lyke oheemgee..!

    dear god..this stuff totally made my day. that daneilla whatever seriously is one crazy person. she & a bunch of her fan girls would litter their fb page with rants about readers wanting to know when it would update, about EP, about other authors! Dani would actually write stuff like …”if you like EP or are friends with Khar…get the eff off my page”….i kid you not! like constantly! one day i got fed up & in the nicest way possible told her that it is possible to still like/read EP & not be a Khar devotee. apparently that was TMI for her & I got defriended!! total HF for me i tell you…didnt know
    what to do with myself…i mean for God’s sake SHE DEFRIENDED ME!! ykwim?

    Anyway…then i began to look forward to rant free pages but lordy no!! i had her fan girls as friends too & it went on & on & on…now i am Dani free & loving it! Jesus lord…some people (& not just Dani) need to chill the fuck out.

    Can you next twank authors who whine about readers asking about when the next update will be….i want to just say sometimes…be thankful you have people reading the crap you put out. There are many many well deserving fics that dont have so much audience just becasue they dont belong to a group or a clique.

    Anywho…everything i wanted to say, had been thinking about was said by everyone here & for that i am thankful to who ever started this blog. there needs to be some reality check for everybody in the fandom

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