By popular demand in Johnny’s thread (*irony*), we present to you…

The Fic Bridge: Big Name Author Love

Today, we are being positive about Big Name Authors. Why? Because chances are they have felt the heat of hate. They are easy targets and usually are tough to get a rise out of.

Instead of reacting, more often than not, a BNA will power through and keep writing for the readers that are enjoying their stories. Chances are, they jump at the opportunity to participate in charities and pimp other author’s stories.

When I was starting out, I had friendly, sweet help from quite a few well known authors. They answered questions, gave me the time of day, and continued to talk to me even though I am such a disgusting thing on Twitter.

They have set precedents for up and coming authors.

So today, big name authors get a little love.

We were going to make a day where we could just appreciate all authors equally, but the BNAs with 30,000 reviews just don’t get enough support! SR and SnowqueenSomething don’t have even have BIG NAME READERS to write creepy RPFs about them and their genitalia versions of Edward. Hurry! Let’s make them feel fellated and appreciated!

squalloogal wrote: I have turned off PM’s for the time being.

To those who had sent messages – Please wait on word from SR. I don’t know anything helpful to you. If you have copies of UoEM I don’t want them. I don’t want to know and I wish to remind everyone that “University of Edward Masen” is owned and written by the author going by the penname Sebastien Robichaud.

DO NOT DISTRIBUTE COPIES – this is theft.

DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT – I will just swear and call you a FUCKER.

That is all.

***********

Urgh I hate these kinds of posts.

So to cleans the palet…

Something lazy with hopefully some laughs and Something to SAY.

*********

A/N
I do not own Twilight; The University of Edward Masen; Master of the Universe or any other fanfiction stories or characters you may find within.
I am however blessed to call these Authors Friends. So I am not fazed.
Special thanks go to my beloved Beta Jenn who helped make this garbage readable.
This is the tale of a love story across the forums and through the pages of Twilight fanfiction
Above is just a sampling of the love we have shared with our lead characters Snowqueens Icedragon (Icy) and Sebastien Robichaud (SR)
I mean no disrespect. This is an act of love and the usual Squally fuckery.
In Lieu of an awe inspiring update of UoEM and MotU we have in its stead…. this.
Enjoy!

::SRICY a Love Story

Back in the age when fanfic was king there lived a mousy man named Sebastien. He was friends with a dragon called Falcor and a mean but sexy bloke called Sinward.

Sinward was of the tribe of WARDS, of which there were many. All the Wards were hunky, but some of them could kick your ass. Even though Sinward was a fierce guy he was very loyal and a great friend and ally of Sebastien’s.

Sebastien haled from the small village of Uni. Its nearest neighbor was a strange and mysterious place called Bunker. Sebastien heard tales of a beautiful and sassy maiden living in the land of Bunker and chose one day to visit.

As he entered into its royal courts he met a strange and exotic fellow by the name of Fifty. Sebastien thought it such a strange name for a fellow to bear, but said nothing of it. Fifty kind of gave him the creeps.

“What are you doing here? What do you want?” Fifty glared at young Sebastien and made him stutter.

“Um..I um, I’m loo look looking for the beautiful maiden of Bunker.”

“You can’t have her. Be gone you craven little man,” Fifty bellowed. “Even if you could find her, she’d have nothing to do with you. Look at you. ” Fifty stared at Sebastien and as he did he began to chuckle.

“Actually do you know what? I WILL tell you where to find our beauty Icy. She can be found in the midst of Bunker near the fountain of OB.” Fifty laughed harder believing Sebastien to be no threat to his manhood and let him on his way.

Our poor hero was so shaken by his encounter with the domineering Fifty that he looked behind him and pondered on whether he should go back to whence he had come. He was such a brave little Uniman though that with a deep breath he took hold of himself and marched into Bunker with focus.

In the belly of Bunker there could be heard such merriment. Many brazen and barely clothed women were drinking and talking about all manner of unmentionable things. Sebastien looked on in shock.

Who are these women? he thought to himself wondering how such creatures were allowed to mingle in polite society. Yet there in the midst he noticed a flash of long brown locks and the glimpse of a svelte figure.

That was her – he knew it. The beauty. The beauty of Bunker.

Never had he felt so thrilled and so terrified as he did in that moment. Icy, the beauty, turned around in the gaggle of woman and faced in his direction. She was heart stoppingly attractive. All Sebastien’s senses left him and he found his feet leading him closer to her.

When he was but a hares breath away from her he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had stolen his very breath with her enchanting whiles. The words of Fifty began to play over in his head. He heard again the laughter of the domineering man echoing through his soul.

Sebastien feeling defeat without saying a single word dropped his head and began to move away. How could a man like him be enough for such a goddess as Icy?

Just as he began to turn to leave her presence he felt her hand gently and tenderly take his. Sebastien looked up into the deep pools of chocolate that seemed to be reaching his very soul.

Icy smiled. “Hello,” she said quietly.

“Hello.” Sebastien being a man of great breeding never forgot his manners, regardless of the situation and circumstance, and began to introduce himself.

“I am Sebastien Robichaud of the land of Uni. You must be Icy of Bunker.”

“What makes you say so?” Icy looked upon him in kindness

“Well, you are the most beautiful lady I have ever set eyes upon” Sebastien blushed at his own bluntness. His face looked like an overcooked lobster. That blood red blush only made Icy’s smile grow. She had never encountered a soul, male or female, that had such little guile. Her heart began to soften greatly towards him.

All at once the gaggling girls surrounding them began to scream and swoon. Both Icy and Sebastien looked around. They had been lost in their not so private moment and were now aware that all the women seemed to be about to pass out. Sebastien looked for the cause of the ruckus when he noticed Fifty approaching him at great speed.

“Step away from her worm. She is mine.”

Icy’s nostrils flared. “I belong to no-one Fifty. How many times must I explain this to you? Just because I spend my weeks with your words and endless stories in my head does NOT make me yours.”

Fifty huffed.

Unbeknownst to Sebastien his good friend Sinward had been worried about his little chum Sebastien and followed him into the land of Bunker, if at a distance. As he came upon the scene in front of him he growled in righteous indignation. How dare this ‘Fifty’ speak to his friend that way.

That was it. He was taking up arms and going to battle. He charged into the throng of gaggling women who, by the way, were fainting and creaming themselves at his very presence and shoved Fifty.

“Back off you overgrown whipping boy,” Sinward huffed.

Fifty was having none of that and began throwing sex toys at Sinward. It was turning into an all out brawl on a scale no fairytale has ever been witness to.

Butt plugs and ben wah balls covered the ground. Sinward had a lovely bullet shaped mark on his forehead that was turning purple at speed while he was trying to strangle Fifty with his bow tie.

Bored of the commotion around them, and while all the woman had taken up various locations and positions sprawled out pleasuring themselves watching the events take place, both Sebastien and Icy snuck away to a quiet place.

They fell in love over time and settled down in the land of Gchat where they whiled away their days playing in Sebastien’s PJ collection and Icy’s bottom drawer.

The land of Fanfinction would always rejoice to have been witness to such awesome fuckery and such passionate love.

THE END {or is it?

This doesn’t have 5 more chapters and videos to go with it. How will all these BNAs know you love them, unless you profess it? Frequently?

What’s this?

You only have 200 reviews?

No one gives a shit about you.

Now, go find someone who’s actually important and tell them how they are LYKE OMG SO AWESUM!

.

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Comments
  1. oh jeebus says:

    I was looking forward to a post about this since I read about it on twitter earlier and you did not disappoint.

  2. AnonymousHonesty says:

    The SR love is sickening and him/her and the ICY friendship is too much. I’d swear SR is Icy’s so called husband and beta NEW because those two together are a mess and somehow they are BFF for realz!

    It’s funny though. Icy’s story is FULL of grammar mistakes and regional/country errors (50 Shades is AMERICAN lady! Stop making him sound like a British dude) British dudes no offense but she may as well have set that story in jolly ol England with the grammar and British sayings she has.

    • Anonymous says:

      I wish there were “like” buttons on these comments.

    • Anonymous says:

      I agree in all, and the Icy&Sebastien ‘story’ is quite funny and some things I just don’t know so I won’t speak about them.
      But I never thought that the grammar mistakes are that important, you obviously can’t compare this people to real authors because they have professional editors and these people don’t. Grammar does not make a good story for me. But that’s obviously only my opinion.

      • oh jeebus says:

        Bad grammer and/or spelling are pet peeves of mine. It really starts to bug me if it’s too prevalent in a story and usually I just can’t continue. And they might not have professional editors, but they do have betas (some have more than one – although I don’t think Icy and SR have multiple betas) and if I were to be beta-ing their stories there would be a lot fewer mistakes.

    • BippityBoppityBitch says:

      “jolly ol England”- I just snort laughed again. Did she have Edward call Bella “Love”? Because I fucking hate that. Twilight-Edward can pull it off because he is 108. FanFic Edward just sounds like a giant pussy-douche when he says it.

      • tattletale says:

        I got news for you *trips* B…SM and 108 yr old Edward didn’t get away with it either…he sounded like a giant pussy-douche when he says it too!

    • tattletale says:

      I gotta say- I don’t have an issue with SR or Icy. Since a reason has not been given for his story being pulled- I’m reserving judgement. As far as ICY goes…She seems to stay out of the drama (that I have witnessed anyway).

      I’ts kinda like politics though. You either fall in line or get out…once you are largely read, you are expected to either fall in line with the BNA’s or be persecuted by them…(why doesn’t she want to be friends with us. That hoity bitch!) So it’s a no win really.

      yes- I know there was no snark or funny in there anywhere- I suck

      • Anonymous says:

        Agree completely. That’s the only thing I think she does quite well. I have heard a lot of shit talked about her but she just remains quiet. It’s completely like politics. And she handles it well, which you can say that much about the megalomaniacs around.

        • cookiemonster says:

          Another agreement here. Icy and SR seem to keep pretty low profiles. I don’t want to blame them for their crazy fans. I like to save the snark for BNAs who deserve it. Hello, hunterhunting!

      • fandomvom says:

        ITA. Icy keeps out of a lot of the drama that strangleholds the fandom sometimes.

        I wouldn’t say she has an ego, espesh compared to some of the lolaphants out there.

        This, right here: ‘They have set precedents for up and coming authors.’

        For bloody what? To act like a total twat? Very good. *EPIC EYE ROLL*

      • nonnie says:

        Icedragon stays out of drama… unless she receives negative pm’s and reposts them on her thread on twilighted so these readers can be publicly bashed and torn apart by her fans.

        • Sound says:

          Or finds a random comment on someone’s LJ that expresses confusion for MotU’s popularity and feels the need to respond.

          Two months after the fact.

        • Anon E Mouse says:

          Did she really do that? That’s my fandom pet peeve. If you can handle constructive criticism, then don’t put your stuff out there for public consumption. If you are that thin-skinned, don’t put it out there for anyone to read. I can understand someone getting upset over a review that’s not constructive in any way and is along the lines of ‘this sucks’, but don’t take it public. Take it up with that reviewer or just ignore it. No one likes a whiner.

      • Anonymous says:

        OMG – No truer words have I read on any blog. But it’s not even that you have to “like” them. It’s not enough to be nice and to joke around with them, but in a reserved “I don’t really even know you, you are just a few words and an avi on my computer screen, so I am not going to give you my life story and ask you to be godmother to my new daughter” kind of way. You have to drop to your knees and offer to blow them at every available opportunity or you feel an awfully chilly wind blowing up your skirt.

        And heaven forbid you point out that one of them might not be perfect and may, in fact, be far from it.

        Luckily, I like the cold.

        P.S. I am, of course, generalizing here. There are some completely nice and lovely BNAs. They just seem to be the exception to the rule, for some reason.

    • Anonymous says:

      Everybody keeps calling SR a “he.” Wake up. Not a man.

      • Anonymous says:

        What’s the point of lying and making people assume you’re a man? This is FANFICTION. No one gives a fuck what gender you are. He, she, shemale, who the fuck cares.

  3. Anonymous says:

    For the love of Pete, NONE OF THEM ARE BIG NAME AUTHORS! THEY WRITE FANFICTION! John Grisham, big name author. Jodi Picoult, big name author. Nora Roberts, Stephen King, Dr. Seuss- BIG NAME AUTHORS!

  4. Nonny Booboo says:

    “So today, big name authors get a little love.”

    Yes, and tomorrow I start a nonprofit called Feed the Rich.

  5. WantToHumpTwankward says:

    Wow…..I am speechless at the dribble of shit I just read!!

    …………

    Oh wait, no….I Must be evil and jealous

  6. thankfuckimnotawriter says:

    HAhahahahahahaha!!!

    Is this squally person even for real?

    • Anonymous says:

      Apparently so. Icy and SR: A Love Story? Some people have been in the Bunker for so long they’re losing it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Oh, she’s for fucking real alright. Real enough to single-handedly destroy any and all somewhat intelligent discussion on the UOEM Twilighted thread. It’s been absolutely amazing and quite disturbing to watch the rise that this particular twatwaffle has had in the fandom.

  7. oh brother says:

    Even when someone makes a post allegedly for “underappreciated authors,” it’s usually a masturbatory exercise for the OP. “Look how sweet and caring I am to think of the ickle authors!” And half the comments are telling OP how wonderful and magnanimous she is, and the other half are from people who don’t quite get the concept and end up pimping the same BNAs or at least “B-level” authors with 100+ reviews for each whiny chapter.

    Meh, at least they didn’t hide that they were being elitist in this post.

  8. anonymous says:

    God, I hope Icy and SR can find some humour in this because it is really, really funny.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Uh… not gonna lie. I did not read that whole thing. As soon as I saw “Fifty” talking to “SR”, I dumped it. But I’m sure someone will make a community for it. I’m starting to think some of these people are one person and multiple personalities disorder is running rampant in the land of BNA. I wonder if each of their personalities has it’s own FFn account and posts reviews/comments about how wonderful they are.

  10. BippityBoppityBitch says:

    What the… I didn’t read the Icy/SR love story drabble. Someone give me the condensed version, and I do mean condensed.

  11. Imma Nonnie Toooo says:

    There’s a lot of twank with the Icy reader crew that is hero-worship and creepy as all hell. I heard she did “fan” meet n greets. I’m not sure if it’s true. Nor do I know what’s twankier – the so-called BNA doing a meet and greet or the “fans” who attend them. If I ever ask for a FF author’s autograph please …. euthanize me

    And who refers to people who read their FF as fans anyway?

    I think I’m off topic ….

    • BippityBoppityBitch says:

      AG handed out signed copies of WA when she went to CC. But there really isn’t a need to bring her up again, what with it being BNW appreciation week and all.

    • Annnonie says:

      to understand those who refer to readers of their FF as fans, I think you need a certain delusion of grandeur.

    • twankhard says:

      According to our inbox, there was a whole convention in DC this year just for Snowqueen which they called BBCON2010. They even had a “gala” in her honor.

      • BippityBoppityBitch says:

        OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!- Yes, I stole it. You can send me a C&D letter if you want. But really, this is just getting too easy to make fun of.

        • yomama says:

          It was more just some people meeting up – seriously. I didn’t go but I know people who did. They hung out, toured DC, drank and ate. The end. BBCon was tongue in cheek.

      • tattletale says:

        NFW! That can’t be true! That is a twank on fans- not her, I’m sorry. People have gone too far!

      • Anonymous says:

        Her fans are not her. Might be stupid of course or ‘wrong’ but you still can´t blame the woman. She can be many things but narcissist? Not. Trust me, there are MUCH more megalomaniacs around without the 30000revs.

        She went to the convention like all the others that assisted and the people came on her with all that shit xD

    • BOO! says:

      Doing a meet and greet with a fanfic author has got to be the most, fucked up beyong all realms of tragic, ridiculous notion, since Edwards icy venom made a super purty, fast growing baby for Jakey to get jiggy with to soothe his broken wolf/shapeshifter heart.

  12. BippityBoppityBitch says:

    Oh and I tried to read MoTU and I couldn’t get past all of the “Oh My” and “Holy Crow!” and “My inner diva was sitting in a chase lounge” talk. Maybe that was just me.

    • BippityBoppityBitch says:

      Not to mention the fact that Bella and Edward had Blackberry phones that they kept “snapping shut”. You can’t shut a Blackberry.

      Now I am just complaining about petty shit. Someone stop me.

      • AnonymousHonesty says:

        HAHA! Maybe English Blackberry’s can me snapped shut. IDK? I love England though so no bash but the last time I went there cell phones *excuse me* “mobile phones” weren’t as popular as they are now.

        But the “holy crow” and Bella’s inner goddess musings were enough to turn me off.

      • thankfuckimnotawriter says:

        Carry on 🙂

      • tattletale says:

        maybe they have a blackberry flip phone. There were like 10 people who bought that piece of crap. Edward and Bella were 2 of them 🙂

      • tattletale says:

        Why would I stop you? then there is a chance I might get hit by the bus 😛

      • STFU says:

        Did B & E flit places? Let’s just clear this up right now. Faeries flit places. People and vampires don’t flit. For the record I’ve also never met someone who “slicks on lipgloss” or “completes a look.”

    • anonymous for now says:

      OMG. The “Oh My” and “Holy Crow” and is this the fic with tampon pulling? Like I can keep all of this straight?

      Lions and Tigers and Bears… Oh My.
      Holy Crow – Your Fifty lives in Seattle – but only in your head.
      I’ll be in the bunker peeing myself.

      Hell, having an anonymous user name is liberating. Look how rude I was there!

      • BippityBoppityBitch says:

        How the fuck could I forget the tampon pulling? Her Edward did pull Bella’s tampon out! And I threw up in my mouth when I read it.

      • AnonymousHonesty says:

        Don’t forget about Edward memorizing her so much she can feel it in her “belly”
        She overused the word belly among others.

        Hells bells she overused a LOT of words and thesaurus.com is bawling because she didn’t utilize it’s services.

    • BOO! says:

      That’s cool, I flounced MoBS after the 50th, OMG HUGE COCK!!!!

      • WTFchuck? says:

        OMFG! MOBS! Seriously!? WE GET IT! He has a big cock! Do you really need to then go and talk about small clothes ripping at the seams and shit? FYI Beaver really is NOT that funny!

        HH has surely done something in her days as an ‘oh yer so awsum’ author to get twanked?

        • BOO! says:

          Now lets be fair, you know Bella only went on and on and on (times by infinity) about his HUGE COCK, cause she had an xxxs vag, to go with her xxxs ass and her xxxs brain.

          • WTFchuck? says:

            Well that’s true, her ‘Beaver’ *giggles* is super, duper, extra, tiny; minuscule, narrow, petite, minute, microscopic; puny; undersized; teensy weeny; pint-sized….are you getting me?

            Look, it’s like this. Imagine that there’s a gorilla and it’s really cold, so it ask its friends if they have a spare jacket; but the only friend who has a spare jacket is Nonnie the Mouse. That gorilla would just tear the shiz out of that jacket, ya know?!

            I know, i’m just being a bitch now…but HH started it with her phatt ego.

  13. Annnonie says:

    oh jesus fucking christ. These people, I can’t even..

  14. AnonymousHonesty says:

    THIS fic brigade BNA appreciation is the problem with this fandom. We have sent these people’s egos to EPIC proportions for no reason.

    They ARE NOT Gods and Master’s of the Fic Universe. They are REGULAR people like you and me. They do this shit for FREE. So STOP treating them like they are a celebrities.

    THIS is what’s wrong people! Let’s worship and blow MORE smoke of people’s ass because they write a FAN FICTION. BORROW/STEAL Stephanie Meyer’s characters and take them for a spin in their own “original” idea.

    And NOW they are the bedrock of the fandom and the MOST IMPORTANT people and the rest of us peons and lesser know authors and readers are NOTHING because we don’t write big stories?

    What’s wrong with the world? What’s wrong with this fandom? THIS is what’s wrong here.

  15. nonnie nonnie boo boo says:

    here it is again: For Fuck’s Sake.
    I wonder if squally had fifty orgasms while writing this shit.
    I see now why squally just jumps on bandwagons and pimps “BNAs” (*after* they’re already “BNAs,” as though they need pimping) and doesn’t usually write. Someone give the girl a dictionary, please! “cleans the palet?” Really? And why is she capitalizing random nouns? I realize that’s not the point, but I had to point it out…

  16. Anonymous says:

    Wow. I guess we should all give some big love to all of the “Big Name Authors”. And ignore the other authors. Especially the small name authors who are far more talented than the BNAs.

    And what a lovely story. I suspect SR is really a female, so this is a nice little piece of slash. Perhaps we should nominate it?

    • AnonymousHonesty says:

      You think SR is a woman? IDK. I mean who would choose another gender to write fanfic. That’s extreme.

      Small time authors aren’t noticed until they have an entourage and people they can send cyber ass spanks and gropes too and fans and tee shirts.

  17. Anonymous says:

    heehee…just got a RT from an author I follow dissing the BNA love day. She totally agreed with it.

  18. Some Random Person says:

    The person who wrote that (squally?) is straight up cray cray, fo’ real. I made it past the first paragraph, but I couldn’t take it anymore.

    I never got into MoTU, even though I see people rave about it constantly. Maybe it gets better as it goes on, but it just wasn’t my thing. I’ve read so many stories that are better than the most of the main popular ones and they never get any recognition.

    • so obnoxious says:

      pardon, but a bit of clarification is needed. did fan fiction become the cure for cancer in the last few hours? the route to world peace? the blue print for universal healthcare? it’s just not that important. for fuck’s sake, half the work is done when you type the word Edward.

      i’d be so embarrassed if i were either one of those FAN FICTION writers.

      also a question, why do people think it’s possible to steal something that’s freely offered? As it happens, I have a PDF of UoEM that someone sent me when the story was pulled. i feel no fear that i’ve broken some unspoken ff covenant. i’ll bet a thousand copyright attorney’s would agree with me.

      Yeah, it’s lame when someone slaps a new title on someone else’s story and passes it off as her own, but for fuck’s sake, it’s FAN FICTION. if it were better than, you wouldn’t be tossing it out there for the world to masterbate to, you’d be getting that shit published.

      it’s a fun hobby, and. that’s. it.

      • Anonymous says:

        I am so sorry to be asking this question over a crazy website, but I happened to be on a search for a copy of UOEM and found your post. I don’t usually reach out to others to bug them about inconsequential things like FF stories, but I am 7 months pregnant, highly hormonal and saddened by the fact that I was at home stuck on bed rest reading UOEM up to chapter 17 when it was pulled. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this reply, but I thought, what the hell I’ll try since the ice cream has run out and see if you still happen to have a copy of uoem that you may be able to share with me Chp17 and after. Either way, thanks for letting a pregnant lady rant…

    • Monkey Bum says:

      I stopped at “enchanting whiles.”

    • BOO! says:

      At least this Squally chick isn’t in denial and knows her dung beetle mojo is far more superior than her creative writing skills.

  19. BippityBoppityBitch says:

    Is MTK the one that constantly talks about pooping on her Twitter? Things like that need to be kept private. I don’t need to know about your bowel movements, lady.

    • tattletale says:

      She does talk about pooping alot…but she has quite the following for her yeast infection fic…so obs people wanna read. Jeebs and I are waiting for the dm on bitch_pls

  20. BippityBoppityBitch says:

    So since we complain about fics on here, is here anything you guys would suggest reading? My list is pretty much at zero now. Or is fic rec’ing not allowed?

    • tattletale says:

      If you can do slash- Raw and Rosy by Tuesdaymidnight

      ExB Hide and Drink by Savage…something I think it’s numbers

      BxC Dinnertime (although it’s hiatus)

      BxJ Bella’s secret cullen 818

      You don’t like them- don’t read them, don’t tell me about how you don’t like them, cause I don’t care…I just answered the call to duty (and no- not like MTK doodie…) anyway this shit is rottin my fucking brain

  21. Anonymous says:

    I don’t read any of these stories y’all talk about cos I’m not into E/B (thank God I don’t) but damn, not even the “BNA” for J/R who has over 4,000 reviews is this stuck up or has an entourage. And her story really is worth the 4,000 reviews.

    Some people need to get over themselves, get a DIFFERENT hobby, readers should read BOOKS from professional writers and learn what good writing is.

  22. I mean Really? says:

    I think this is what bothered me the most about the “BNA Love Day”. I write in this fandom and by no means am I a “BNA”. It was like she wants us to keep sucking their cocks and ignore the others that pour their heart and soul into writing. I have not read UoEM and I only made it a few chapters in to MoTU before I flounced it. Most of these girls and/or guys that write that have a very low review count are far better than those that have 20,000+ reviews. Not to mention, they actually update more than once a quarter. I’m sorry, but I refuse to kiss ass to a BNA. Their ridic high review count is enough praise for them.

  23. MLF says:

    ok, here’s the thing. I would firstly like to say that I have read all the existing posts so far and some of them have made me laugh, I will admit some of the fandom shenanigans going on have made many facepalm, but with that being said-

    the ultimate twank happening in the history of the twankiverse is that a site complaining about *fanfiction authors* exists. I’m sorry, but first off- although I love this series I would be the first to denounce it in public, because I am ashamed, and rightly so. it is a fucking book about vampires that goddamn sparkle, and on top of that we’re all sitting here getting wet over a virginal 108 yr old. just pathetic. now, to add insult to injury, everyone here reads fanfiction which, honestly, seriously? do we have lives? would any of you admit to reading twilight fanfiction in real life? Would I? hell no. so basically we are all amongst the most pathetic closet losers already, but now on TOP of that, there’s a blog bitching about how we’re mad at fanfic authors? and yeah, I get the point is that we’re making fun of them, but really the joke is on us.

    what’s more pathetic- being a popular fanfiction author and having thousands of people care about your stories enough to get angry over them or your actions, or being a fanfic reader bitching on a blog about how fanfiction authors act?

    also- like I said above, some of the posts have been really funny- this one’s not. the bottom line is the BNA’s ARE hated on, small authors are not. wanna know why? because authors with low readership have LOW READERSHIP which means not enough people are reading their stories to even be able to hate on them. sorry to use logic- I’ve heard that isn’t allowed here.

    Bottom line, drama whores love attention- having a blog dedicated to bitching about these people’s egos will do nothing to make them any smaller. and really, what’s the best way to show someone they don’t matter? why, dedicate a website to them of course! *snort*

    oh and here- let me save you all the trouble: tl;dr

    • Anonymous says:

      Um no not really. BNAs that get hated on have had SO FUCKING MUCH smoke blown up their ass they think the are the shit. You wanna be the shit? Write a REAL original story and send it to a REAL publishing how. Not cutting corners and going through a pulled fic publishing “house.” And none of that “on noes, publishing is so hard guyz” if you REALLY want to be the shit and have merchandise be legit.

      No one will talk about egos because NO ONE wants to rag on a BNA because they want to use that BNA and hope in their free time they will read their story and rec it. people are probably salivating trying to get feathersmmm to read their fic and rec it when she finally gets around to publishing the next chapter of Wallbanger.

      • tattletale says:

        HEY! I’m perfectly complacent in the middle of the pack. What would I do with all those readers and reviewers anyway…then I’d just have to make up excuses as to why I couldn’t answer reviews and tell you how I’d rather write than thank you individually for appreciating my performance

      • MLF says:

        congrats- you completely missed the point.

        should have stuck with tl;dr like tattletale- then I would have considered you lazy. now I have no choice but to believe you’re an idiot.

        let me try to explain it to you: I never said BNA’s didn’t have big ego’s- I said that they are hated on, whereas small authors are not. no one’s out there flaming readers with five reviews per chapter, and you can admit that or not but it’s the truth. But my POINT which is clearly stated in the last paragraph is that this website will do nothing to show them that they aren’t hot shit, but exactly the opposite. it screams “OMG YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT WE CARE ENOUGH TO DEVOTE HOURS OF OUR LIFE TO COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU.”

        • Anonymous says:

          Why are you even arguing with people over this?

          You disagree and have spoken your peace so why are you still bitching. You should be able to say what you want. And yes this site does add to the drama but the POINT of it IS just that.You’re preaching about what everyone already knows. You’re basically trying to reiterate that sky is blue.

          We know montanaleigh we know. But you obviously have some rage and are desperate to get it out so you keep on keeping on okay now.

        • MLF says:

          oops. this was supposed to be in reply to the anon above tattle tale. my b. or should I say I twanked.

    • tattletale says:

      Thanks for saving me the trouble ————–> tl;dr

    • Anonymous says:

      ” it is a fucking book about vampires that goddamn sparkle, and on top of that we’re all sitting here getting wet over a virginal 108 yr old. just pathetic. now, to add insult to injury, everyone here reads fanfiction which, honestly, seriously? do we have lives? would any of you admit to reading twilight fanfiction in real life? Would I? hell no. ”

      This entire post is brilliant. I’d die if anyone in real life knew that I’m even aware this degree of twi fandom exists, much less that I devote any time to it. This blog is funny, but I wonder how self-aware we all are. The joke is surely at least a little also those of us who care enough to spend time mocking these things.

      • Anonymous says:

        If people spend so much time praising and gushing over fic and authors why can’t they spend equal amounts of time calling the bullshit out?

        Double standard much?

        • MLF says:

          they can, if they want. for me, this (fanfiction) is pathetic and lame, but it makes me happy so I don’t care. but if it DOESN’T make me happy, well then great. then I can just flounce and STFU and spend a little less time being pathetic and lame.

          • oh jeebus says:

            WE GET IT! We’re all really lame. But we’re having fun being lame, so we probably won’t be stopping anytime soon.

            • MLF says:

              sorry dude. (but not really) the person asked a legit question- I gave them a legit answer. Not to you but specifically to them. Like I said, “FOR ME” this is a little too lame for comfort. honestly, I do have a RL that I am not a total loser in. but you made and excellent point I agree with- “WE’RE ALL REALLY LAME.”

              honestly if people can sit here days later still bitching about the same thing, then I feel perfectly comfortable sitting here two days later reaffirming how lame I think this whole thing is.

              plus by some mistake I have subscribed to the comments on this post and keep getting emails everytime someone comments on it, despite deleting it from my wordpress subscriptions (?). At first I planned to just ignore it but fifty emails later I felt like maybe people needed a reminder of, yup you guessed it! HOW LAME WE ARE!

              • oh jeebus says:

                Lol I don’t think we’ll forget that we’re all pathetic and lame blah blah, I was just wondering why you didn’t take your own advice and stfu and flounce.

                And yeah, the emails get a little annoying, mainly because we’re a chatty bunch.

              • twankhard says:

                I removed your email address from all your comments, so you will no longer get notifications. If you’d like to start getting them again, just make a new subscription.

                • MLF says:

                  Thank you. I really appreciate that…but I’m still getting all the emails? Is there anything else I can do to stop getting these notifications? I’ve already tried deleting my subscription through the emails link but it’s not working..?

      • Tact Guy says:

        Actually, most of my family and close friends know full well that I read, write, and am involved in this fandom. I’ll call out the source material, sparkles and all, but I do it with complete transparency. I probably look like a big, hypocritical lunatic, but those who know me know that I’m kinda like that anyway.

        It doesn’t really bother me.

      • MLF says:

        I’m glad somebody got it. some of this is undoubtedly funny but seriously…bitching about fanfiction? how lame are we?

  24. Anon says:

    If you read between the lines on twitter, it looks like BNA’s just took their high and mighty asses to gchat, private twitters & email. Not necessarily taking the high road as that BS would suggest For true most part I don’t see anything worthy of having a worship week honoring their mediocrity and false modesty.

  25. Tact Guy says:

    Signed copies of fanfictions. FML. Seriously, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I’d like to see them publish (like really publish, not self-publish or omnific publish) an original (not de-twi’d fanfic) novel and then see if they are worthy of the ego.

    Another thing that gets my hackles right up? Fanfiction author interviews. WTF? Just get them to do a freaking guest blog post, for fucks sake. Unless they actually have some kind of expertise…no, actually, even that only warrants a guest post.

    Wankers.

  26. Anonymous says:

    My, my, it takes so little to rile you people up. And then you don’t have the wherewithal to sign your names. Instead, you hide behind your computers and anonymous labels, hurling insults and useless commentary. It’s amusing and slightly disturbing that you are so easily frustrated with the goings on of an online world. I’d hate to see how you handle the stress and fuckery of real life.

    I’ve yet to see the point in all this. You bitch and you whine about such unimportant things. Who gives a shit what fics people read and don’t read? Who gives a shit about who likes/loves/is friends with whom? Why are you so easily bothered by what other people do? Don’t you have enough to entertain you?

    As far as I’m concerned, this all is nothing but an exhibition in jealousy, insecurity, and low self esteem. If you have a beef with someone, for God’s sake, man up. This reeks of 12 yr old girl drama.

    I’m sure you’ll blot out my pen again. I’m certainly not a “big name author”. I’m a reader and writer just like everyone else. I just hate seeing this kind of poison. Garbage like this is ruining my hobby. Thank you very fucking much.

    • nonnie nonnie boo boo says:

      hey, fuckhead. we hide behind anonymous names b/c they won’t let us post our pennames on this site. otherwise, i’d have no problem telling you who i am. if this is “ruining your hobby,” don’t fucking read it.

      • Anonymous says:

        fuckhead… oh, you’re clever.

        perhaps i’m not clear enough. the effect of *this* is what is ruining my hobby. spewing hateful rants and negativity drives people away and causes additional drama. this all is dysfunctional and masturbatory. it’s shameful the way people behave sometimes.

        reminds me of junior high.

        • nonnie nonnie boo boo says:

          like i said, if it bothers you, DON’T READ IT. go somewhere else. people get made fun of on this blog because of their huge egos and the stupid things they do. like taking this crap too seriously.

          • Anonymous says:

            what? so it’s not okay for me to disagree with you? only those of like minds are welcome to speak?

            if so, the site needs to change the “leave a reply” to “leave affirmation”

            i’m merely voicing my opinion that this is doing more damage than good, regardless of whether or not people read. negativity here begets negativity elsewhere.

            this behavior is not okay in my book and i’m unwilling to idly stand by and say nothing. and if that bothers you, maybe you shouldn’t read *my* comments. the fact that they bothered you enough to reply to me says something.

            • You know you can put your name here if you don't want to be anonymous says:

              You know Kate, if you want to act so high and mighty you may as well sign your name is. Many have little names they’ve been using *shrugs* I don’t know how they did it but try that.

              None is this is okay. Bitching about authors isn’t okay. But we do it.

              Having a ridiculously HUGE ego over a hobby isn’t okay. But people do it.

              Getting riled up because people are *ruining* your hobby isn’t okay. But you’re doing it.

              I’m rather calm because reading this site is humorous for me while sitting here watching Bones on hulu.

              YOU are getting so riled up because a few are *ruining* your hobby. So are you going to quit? I’d hate to see you flounce because I’m rather fond of Night Must Fall. But since it’s annoying you SO FUCKING MUCH to EPIC RAGE PROPORTIONS you just might flounce. I’ve got a copy anyway.

              • twankhard says:

                Anonymity is a rule, not an option. We remove all identifying names unless it’s the wanker.

                • Anonymous says:

                  If people act like they REALLY aren’t bothered and want to put on their big girl panties and fess up I say let them but I get what you’re saying.

                  I get you but if I were you I’d let them go to town and look prim and proper. But I get you.

              • yep, it's me says:

                lol, i’m not going to flounce. i’m riled up because the actions of a few are impacting many. like a lot of people, i come here (meaning the fandom) for an escape. shit like this threatens that, so yeah, that ticks me off.

                sorry if you feel that disagreement equals high and mighty. if so, okay, nothing i can do about that.

                fyi, i’m not defending the subjects of the posts here. there may or may not be validity to them. i’m just commenting / calling out / whatever you want to call it people who have nothing but negativity to spread, a lot of which i see in the comments. i, personally, find it to be in poor taste, and it’s not doing anything to better the fandom. so sue me for wanting to have a drama-free fandom, as unrealistic as that may be. but if it bothers you being called out / disagreed with, maybe you shouldn’t comment in the first place.

                big egos suck, all the way around. that much i think we can all agree on.

                dm me on twitter or ffn if you want to talk more. i’ll be glad to discuss (and i seriously mean that in a good way, not a snarky/bitchy one. i don’t mind constructive debate/disagreement)

                • Anonymous says:

                  Given this site just started, I’m not really seeing how its impact is threatening the fandom (just yet). I’d say there are quite a number of people who have been doing that rather well already.

                  Hypersensitive/drama loving authors pulling fics = more and more people won’t read WIPs anymore. Sucks for lesser known authors.

                  The publishing bs. At some point, the people whose copyright is threatened may actually decide to rightfully take legal action. Then what will happen to ff?

                  Etc.

                  Every couple of months I have to step back from the fandom cause the drama, egos and crazies just don’t make it worth hanging around.

                  Sure, maybe this site perpetuates that because people are all serious business about it. But that’s the point, people need to stop taking ALL of this so seriously.

                  So far I’m finding this to be refreshing and pretty entertaining. There are plenty who won’t ever be called out. Why? Because they’re humble and don’t act like twanks.

        • Anonymous says:

          No one is ruining your hobby. Just read and comment and stay unconnected. Once you start Tweeting with people and being all “OMGZ I luv you let me follow you” and nominating people for awards and shit the fun gets sucked out of it and the egos get inflated.

          This site just started so saying it’s ruining your hobby is fucking hilarious. Hush now.

          • Anonymous says:

            yes, actually it is. the *this* i mean is this site as well as any others whose sole intent is to flame and rant and bitch. my “hobby” is something i do for fun, to escape drama. so when people and sites and what have you decide to promote negativity and drama, it ruins my hobby.

            if that’s hilarious to you, *shrug* so it goes.

            • masturbating monkey says:

              The masturbating monkey agrees with “Yes, It’s me” *snickers*. You guys need to be jizzed on.

              Nope, I’m not a big named monkey, but if I want to fangirl BNAs, I’ll do it. It’s human nature to both build up (and knock down) people. We celebrate talentless assholes all the time – why not pay homage to the ff writers we like? Jealous much??

              Why are we attacking their egos anyway? All I’m seeing in this post are egos. They are nearly as big as my monkey cock.

      • duh says:

        cause Katinki is your REAL name. jesus.

        • hi says:

          Twankhard Moderators,
          I thought your whole thing was anonymity. You’re letting the people who post here out the other people who post here?

    • Anonymous says:

      Sweetie, the garbage that is ruining your hobby is yor friends and Twitter buddies thinking they are the SHIT because they write a fic based off some mediocre books.

      I write fic. I have a lot of reviews and I appreciate my reviewers. I KNOW I’m not the shit. It’s fan fiction. I’m a regular lady with a loving family. I write as a hobby. I don’t get asked to do author interviews an shit like that. I’m not cool. That does NOT make you cool.

      All this popularity and big egos is a a bunch of fuckery. You can TELL these people were the picked on folks in high school and this fandom is giving them the popularity and prom queen crowns they never got.

      • Anonymous says:

        oh i agree that interviews and awards and whatnot do not make someone cool.

        but ranting behind the wall of an anonymous forum doesn’t either.

        • Anonymous says:

          Praising and worshiping a fanfic writing doesn’t make you cool and neither does writing or defending it so lets agree to disagree.

          • Anonymous says:

            you are correct and i agree. worshiping is just as damaging as flaming.

            i’m not defending actually, or at least that’s not my intent. i just think a lot of the behavior i’m seeing here is juvenile and mean spirited. i’m personally not comfortable with that.

      • BippityBoppityBitch says:

        Well fuck you guys because I am cool. I’m a bitter, angry bitch, but still cool.

    • tattletale says:

      Re: “I’ve yet to see the point in all this. You bitch and you whine about such unimportant things. Who gives a shit what fics people read and don’t read? Who gives a shit about who likes/loves/is friends with whom? Why are you so easily bothered by what other people do? Don’t you have enough to entertain you?”

      I care what people read bc i’m not important in my daily RL but I am a BGA around the parts!
      Me : Tattletale ——————-> BNA

      and all kinds of people bother me, but I’m seeing the psych about all the voices tomorrow…

      Obviously we don’t have enough to do or we wouldn’t be here now would we…duh! Now whose pointess…*rolls eyes*

    • Yes, it's you says:

      So katinki and bellaflan are posting on here lol. Keep that shit on Twitter. I have copies of becoming bella swan and dark games already and don’t give a shit what else you post

      • Anonymous says:

        HAHAHA! I have a copy of EVERYTHING. Just in case.

        Becoming Bella Swan is a little shitty though. I think it’s meant to be humourous but I must me an old fuddy duddy because I didn’t LOL once.

        If Bellaflan really does work in publishing she needs to do the fandom a favor and talk to her Twitter buddies and those crackpots at Omnific and tell them they can’t be publishing fics like they are.

  27. Incog Nito says:

    Twankhard,

    Please don’t quote Squally on here.

    She will come after you and call you a ‘fucker’.

    Maybe you are fuckers, but it’s really offensive coming from someone who chooses to call themselves a ‘SLORE’.

    Incog

  28. Anonymous says:

    Have you guys seen this blog? Has the same general purpose as this one, except they haven’t called out specific authors. Love the ones on Opinions, Whining and Mean girs. Actually, they’re all prett spot-on. Lots of the same things mentioned here.

    http://fandomrules.blogspot.com/

  29. Garth says:

    You know, I’m trying to understand just what it is these superfans get out of this. Are they just social climbers or something? Like, if they ride on the coattails of these BNAs, they too can be famewhores of the fandom?

    Didn’t anyone tell them that this is the internet? You can’t be cool on the internet. The cooler you make yourself out to be on the interwebs, the lamer you are in real life. js js.

    • tattletale says:

      Hey *trips* Jeebs and I have been waiting for ya…
      Oh- and for the record, I’m so cool on the internet…my whole WOW group thinks so!

    • Anonymous says:

      This fandom is becoming a popularity contest and the people who don’t have it in them to write and want to be noticed do ride the coattails so they can get the attention they never got as a child

      *Exhibit A-Z = Squally*

      • tattletale says:

        I tried to ride some coattails to get noticed, but I kept snagging my pantyhose.
        *shrugs*

        • Anonymous says:

          those bitches didn’t give you props and take you under their wings and mention you in their author’s notes as their sparkle brigade and give you ass spanks and gropes and ask you be beta their fics because only your buddies edit your shit?

          are you kidding me? they didn’t do ANY of that for you? no way!

  30. Anonymous says:

    Personally I don’t respect these people because of their fics, nevermind their online behavior otherwise. I honest to god don’t understand these trends where the relationship is all either physical are mental abuse. I don’t understand WHY women want to read about a woman being treated like shit and nothing more than a conquest to fuck. Personally, that bull is so disrespectful to me. It freaks me out how popular it is. Really ladies? Gross. I’ll take a relationship built on love and respect thanks. If that’s considered an extreme uber feminist opinion then we haven’t come even nearly as far in society as I would have hoped. A fetish is one thing but these get psychotic. Way to stereotype fetishes as an excuse to write deranged bullshit.

  31. Anonymous says:

    Holy shit, writing fanfic is NOT a hobby. It’s a brilliant way to hold on to your hang up over a vampire that shoots his load into a plain jane mousy girl who you hope to become one day when that worm hole opens up and Twilight FINALLY becomes a real world possibility.
    Living in a suspended fantasy? Not a hobby. That’s a mental disorder.

    • Anonymous says:

      you’re a mental disorder haha! Writing anything THIS fictional is a hobby.

      Hobby = an activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure or relaxation, typically done during one’s leisure time.

      Writing about the joyous adventures of Edward and Bella and how he’s a Douchward because as a woman you don’t like your men to be gentlemen but to call you a bitch when he meets you and you love his eyes.

      That’s a hobby, yo.

  32. LikeImTelling says:

    The only big name author in this fandom is Stephenie Meyer, and I prefer the saga to fan fiction, However MTK is a very nice person and isn’t ohhh look at me like a lot of the larger review writers. She talks and is nice to the lesser knowns. I know you’ll all hate me for that but it’s just how I feel.

    Sorry I’m not bitchy enough to be one of the cool kids.

  33. WantToHumpTwankward says:

    I think people are starting to lose sight of why this website was started. I think this is also because people have already started the witchhunt and bad mouthing of the nastiness of it all.

    Why must everyone be so serious? I hate the BNA’s that are even titled BNA’s…and then on top of that, they feel like their too good to talk to all their readers or interact with them, therefore they make a secret Twitter account because they are too popular.

    I follow Twankhard openly on Twitter and have a feeling that very soon I am going to be called out or unfollowed because of it. I say bring it…

    Everyone in this fandom needs to relax and take their Xanax or whatever happy pills they can find and go back to having fun. When I started reading Fan Fic I had NO IDEA who BNA’s were and just stumbled across fics because they were a fun storyline. As it is right now, I don’t even bother reading “talked about” or “you HAVE to read this, it’s the next big thing” fics anymore….because I don’t want to be caught up in the bitches who then go on the threads and act all exclusive.

    As for “squally” ..I’m sure she’s been crying for days now, either that, or she’s happy that her names being thrown out in the fandom! That drabble was dribble and shit and if her beta helped it to make sense then maybe her beta needs to go back to beta school???

    That is all….now hang up your high hats, take off your pants and let’s have some fun! Isn’t it called funfiction? *facepalm* ~ *Puts down Gin&Juice and walks away*

    • Anonymous says:

      Word yo! The fun has been sucked out of it but Twankhard is so not the causer. It was losing the fun long before now.

      I just read fics and lurk. I just read and have fun reading some fics that I like. Where did all this fuckery come from? BNAs and publishing and people getting too big for their britches over a hobby that’s where.

    • Incog Nito says:

      Actually, Squally has conveniently started a fundraiser – and is name dropping.
      Very convenient.

    • MLF says:

      If I had thousands of followers and I would want a secret twitter also. can you imagine how many messages they get from people? and then if they respond to their friends instead of their readers, how many readers would honestly be mad? I’m thinking many. and honestly- they are fic writers, they have no obligation to interact with their followers in the first place. the point of following someone isn’t “I followed you so you would talk to me,” but rather “I followed you because I want to hear what you have to say.” if you don’t want to follow them that’s perfectly fine- they don’t give out the password to the next chapter over twitter.

      I guess it comes down to whether you think people deserve to have privacy despite the fact that they have a large following. at the end of the day they are still human- and frankly I’d rather they vent on their private twitters than their public ones.

      also- “I think people are starting to lose sight of why this website was started. I think this is also because people have already started the witchhunt and bad mouthing of the nastiness of it all.” I’m honestly not sure why this site was created. from what I have gathered there are two schools of thought: 1- the site was created so angry readers could have some recourse against the authors with their ego’s sparkling too brightly. if this is the case then as I originally commented it’s a waste of time because it does the exact opposite. nothing like being talked about to reaffirm you’re NOT important- OR- 2- it is just a site that makes fun of people for commedy. if this is the case- I am still not ok with it. honestly- is it sometimes funny? yes. but it really just comes off as bullying, and right now with online bullying causing people to commit suicide right and left, it’s not too funy. and I know many people share my opinion and as the site gains in popularity, there will only be more and more people that feel the same way as me speaking up. that being said, I don’t think there’s a witchunt going on by any means (or at least I’m not part of it), but you can’t expect everyone to agree with the posts or even what this site stands for, period.

  34. BippityBoppityBitch says:

    Here is an honest question. What makes you a BNA? Is it review count? If so, what’s the number that constitues big? I may or may not be an author with a story that may or may not have over a thousand reviews. I may or may not have a Twitter that has over a thousand followers. Does any of that “make” someone a BNA? Personally I think that the whole idea of someone being a bigger author than someone else to be a little funny. We read/write fanfiction. Let’s call it what it really is and move on.

    • anonny nonny says:

      When I think BNA, I think of:

      * authors that are wankers
      * authors that have wankers for readers

      Most of the people I associate “BNA” with are assholes on twitter/twilighted/livejournal (or were, until they got hip to our jive and took it to DM’s and GChat).

      I don’t associate the term with a good story/lots of reviews. It’s all about the random kife that comes with it. Douchey author notes, white knighters, etc.

      I’m not really getting it across right, but in my mind this makes perfect sense.

      • hi says:

        All “Big Name Author” refers to is the fact that a lot of people know about them.
        Bratty-Vamp and Lalina are BNAs.

        It’s not really a title one bestows on themselves. It’s just a term people use to differentiate between authors that are well-known and authors that people might not know about yet.

        • Annony nonny says:

          Brattyvamp is probably my favorite writer out in twific land, but I don’t think of her as a BNA. I think of her as a well-loved author of some great stories. I don’t see any of the assholes pimping her shit all day long on twitter (admittedly i have no idea about twilighted because I can handle that site). I don’t see people whiteknighting her, even when shit got real in ‘the best man’. She just writes her stories, posts them and *gasp* even replies to reviews.
          I guess that just means we’ve got different definitions of the term.

          • Anon E Mouse says:

            Lalina and BV seem like cool people who post popular stories and don’t get caught up in the twank or pontificate on their Twitters and proclaim their awesomeness.

    • AnonymousHonesty says:

      THIS is the POINT! What makes you a BNA? I can think of two authors I enjoy Bratty-Vamp and Lalina and both have a number of stories that have over 7000 reviews but they aren’t twitter fiends, FGB horders, FB fiends, etc. BV doesn’t even hangout at Twilighted so I guess she’s not a BNA. In casual net convo someone will go “who is that author? what do they write?”

      So how are they not BNA? Because they don’t sit on a throne and wave to their loyal followers like these other BNA?

      I think of both as somewhat big because they have a number of big stories so their work speaks for themselves. These so called BNA have like ONE story to their name. ONE story doesn’t make you big. Just writing fanfiction doesn’t make you a queen or a king but let that site tell it.

      Look at carmelinagunn, the girl has two well written stories but they are T rated so she’s NOT a big named author. She never pimped herself out so much that people want to kiss ass.

      None of these three did. ESPECIALLY Bratty-Vamp and Lalina but whatever BNA show love website. You need to make some rules because calling someone a BNA is a very gray area.

      • BippityBoppityBitch says:

        Didn’t Bratty Vamp write that one story that had an Italian title? If so, I really liked her Jasper. The image of Jasper and Edward wrestling up the side of a building is hilarious. The image of Jasper in nothing but tubesocks is epic.

        • AnonymousHonesty says:

          Yep. Abbracciare il Cantante.

          I haven’t seen these authors have any interviews? It’s a shame! Now THIS is the real shame of the fandom. It’s a SHAME that in order to get to wear the BNA queen crown you have to grab a BNA beta or preaders so you can get pimped out. It’s a SHAME new authors in this fandom get ignored because they are not approved by someone big or pimped out on Twitter.

          What the hell? Get LolaShoes to pimp you the fuck out on Twitter and you’re an elite guard of the fandom. That IS BULLSHIT.

          Everyone should have the same opportunities and the same chances. What is WRONG here? Am I the ONLY one who sees the errors in this? And people are bitching about this site being wrong. Take OFF the blinders and look people? The calling out and the good outweighs the so called *bad* and you need to RECOGNIZE.

          When the fuck did prereaders come about? Squally probably created that so readers could have titles.

          But I digress.

          This is a FUCKING SHAME. You have you RIDE coattails of self-proclaimed BNA to get ahead in this fandom. Does ANYONE else see the fuckery here?

          That’s a FUCKING SHAME and THAT my friend is WHAT’S NOT RIGHT AND WRONG HERE!

          • BippityBoppityBitch says:

            It is. I don’t normally read BNS (big name stories), I stick to the smaller group. The authors aren’t cunty and the writing is better in my opinion. You leave a review for them and it actually means something. Whereas if I left a review for WA then it just got lost among the millions sent and I doubt AG ever even read them all. (Again, not meaning to pick on AG just using her as an example. It is still BNA appreciation week, right?)

            • Anonymous says:

              See right here I think there is confusion. One person says a BNA is someone who has a huge ego and has rabid readers. Another says BNA/BNS aren’t cunty and reviews mean something. IMO, those are two very different things. Yes, someone with a BNA story can’t respond to every review because it’s impossible, but it doesn’t mean they don’t read them or take them to heart. If that were true, there would be a lot less author flouncing after getting a shit ton of crap reviews after a chapter. I think the bulk of author flouncing is done after readers get pissy after a chapter they don’t agree on…not from fandom shit (although that does happen sometimes.)
              I think any author, or most, that has a 10k reviews or more are lumped into the whole BNA/BNS thing and I don’t think that’s true. There are many that are gracious and don’t get involved with or encourage all the crazy ‘fan’ shit. Some who don’t want ‘teams’ for FGB or blogs or special twitter accounts.

              • MLF says:

                see, this is another thing. I totally don’t understand why teams for FGB are a bad thing. I’m a broke college student- I literally don’t have the money to be trying to bid on my favorite author’s stories, but do I have an extra five dollars to donate to a team? hell yeah. and I know for a fact there are MANY people in my situation. teams let us donate what we are able while still getting to read the auction pieces- that is a win win in my book. and the teams aren’t formed by the author’s themselves..it’s always been a “number one fan” type who starts the teams. the authors themselves cannot be affiliated with the teams or it would be a conflict of interest.

                • hi says:

                  This is what I did too. Got a bunch of outtakes by just tossing $5 into the pot for several different teams. It’s win-win because I get to enjoy the outtakes and FGB ends up raising more money incrementally for ALSF than they would have ever raised if it were solo people bidding on each story.

            • MLF says:

              see personally, I could care less whether I get a review reply from an author. I don’t care if they’re big or small- I leave a review if I enjoyed the chapter, not because I wanted to be thanked for leaving a review. and honestly- I would downright prefer they spent their time writing, not responding to my “great chapter, I enjoyed the blah blah blah and was wondering about blah blah blah”

              I thought the point of the review was to provide the author with feedback, not make myself feel important when/if they respond.

          • hi says:

            An author gets pimped by a BNA and their story explodes in popularity. That’s how it works. It’s one of the ways word is spread. If you don’t know a BNA who can help get the word out, there are a million little blogs around for the sole purpose of getting the word out on lesser known fics.

            I don’t see what’s wrong with one author using their huge-ass audience as a platform for spreading the word about a great fic they’ve read. The BNA isn’t crowning the authors they rec as members of the cool kids club. The BNA is just an author who read something she likes and is telling other people about it.

            • AnonymousHonesty says:

              The problem is when a so called BNA thinks that just because they rec fics they reign supreme. It was fine when people just rec’ed fics. That was well and good.

              NOW it’s like if you don’t get a specific person rec’ing your fic you’re not elite. NOW it’s the cool kids club. There’s no hate for it on my side. I’m just annoyed because I left school a long time ago and I don’t get this elitism over some fucking fan fiction.

              BNAs rec some shitty things but who cares right? If they rec it then it’s WORTH everything. Just because someone rec’s something doesn’t mean it’s great. It just means that person likes it but now people take what a person with a blog or a certain review count or a certain followers number to mean EVERYTHING in this fandom.

              And with that the BNA who was simply rec’ing things gets it in her pretty little head that she’s hot stuff. That people listen to whatever dribble drabble they spew.

              • MLF says:

                “BNAs rec some shitty things but who cares right? If they rec it then it’s WORTH everything. Just because someone rec’s something doesn’t mean it’s great. It just means that person likes it but now people take what a person with a blog or a certain review count or a certain followers number to mean EVERYTHING in this fandom” <— I don't think that's true at all. I can only speak from personal experience but I can say that anytime a "BNA" rec's something and I check it out and don't like it, I don't read it. I garuntee you no one is out there reading a fic they despise just because a popular author recomended it. and like the person above you said, there are a ton of blogs and websites dedicated to recomending stuff by small authors. For example, one of the subject's of this post? the fic bridge? the concept behind that site was the "read alongs" which are hosted on twitter. ANYONE, author, reader, ANYONE can sign up to host whatever fic they would like, and I have found several small unknown authors/stories through it. or the fictionators blog, which takes recs from anyone. I have personally recomended stories there before and they were featured- small, unknown stories with barely any reviews. so really if you want things to change, you should lay off the whining over here and actually do something about it, because it is totally in your power to do so.

  35. BippityBoppityBitch says:

    In response to this. “Did B & E flit places? Let’s just clear this up right now. Faeries flit places. People and vampires don’t flit. For the record I’ve also never met someone who ‘slicks on lipgloss’ or ‘completes a look.'”

    What completes a look? That is what I would like to know. In my mind as long as you can’t see my ass, boobs, and stomach then you’re covered. Maybe I am wrong though. Perhaps I should “slick on” some mascara or lipgloss. Or better yet, find a “midnight blue” something or other since it is Edwar- … I mean my husband’s favorite color on me. I am so chagrinned.

  36. hi says:

    The biggest twank of all are authors both big & small who get all baawwwww about not getting attention but who don’t update regularly.

    One of the main reasons fics like Icy’s get so huge is because she updated around twice a week over a period of months.

    Once word starts to spread, momentum builds and a huge audience is galvanized. There’s buzz on twitter that reignites with every posting, people wonder what all the fuss is and so they start to read. If it’s a story that has got controversy around it or angstiness within it, people will get curious and readership will increase, and review counts explode. None of this is news.

    All “BNA” means is that they’re well known around the fandom. A lot of BNAs got huge amounts of attention because they worked for it, pumping out chapter after chapter, generating an audience for their story. Maybe that’s not your thing and you don’t care about building an audience. But I don’t think it automatically means you have an ego problem if you want people to read your story.

    I’m curious what you think – is your beef with authors who work it on twitter/etc. in order to become better known?

    • Anonymous says:

      Excuse the other working women who can’t afford or don’t want to be a stay at home mom with nothing to do but. I mean after the laundry is done and the house is clean what IS there left to do? Sit the kids down in front of the telly and churn out chapter after chapter and make blinkies and spend all day on Twitter?

      I see how it’s done now. Gotta quit the job so I can have the time to pimp myself all day.

      • MLF says:

        or you could try writing a story that is so good people will want to talk about it and share it with others.

        just sayinnn… the 99% of the recs for big name stories I recieve are from other readers, not authors pimping themselves, or being pimped by other authors.

      • hi says:

        Oh, this just reminded me of the second biggest twank… when a reader complains that a story they love isn’t updating and people automatically assume that said reader has no appreciation for the author’s time.

        WE GET IT. Authors are people with real lives and real obligations. They don’t have time to be updating all the time. That is understandable.

        And people who only review “update soon” or stalk authors demanding updates… these people are tools and do not represent the majority of the fic-reading population.

        Most of us get that what an author does takes time and energy and heart. So, when JoeShmo complains about a lack of updates, it would be nice if people didn’t jump to the conclusion that JoeShmo is an asshole. That perhaps JoeShmo really loves this hasn’t-updated-in-a-year fic and that his jonesing for the fic is an expression of this love.

        (this is fun! it appears I’m using Twankhard to vent all my grievances tonite. once I get to complaining, it’s apparently hard to stop)

        • BOO! says:

          It might be just me and my pseudo-dyslexia, but when I see MLF, my brain reads it as “fuck my life”. Anyone else have a similar problem?

  37. Incog Nito says:

    Did anyone else see what went down on the UoEM forum yesterday?
    Brutal.
    Those slores are NASTY.
    Just…right in for the kill.
    Super-sensitive about the whole why did SR pull thing.

    • STFU says:

      Will looking for this require sifting through pages and pages of flashing gifs? I don’t have that kind of time and frankly if I were epileptic the Twilighted forums would be certain to set off a seizure.

      • Anon says:

        I had to go into my account and turn off the “signature” option. It takes forever to load and is totes distracting otherwise.

    • AnonymousHonesty says:

      What happened?
      There’s so much praise and worship in that thread I can’t even filter through it.

      I worship my Lord, not fanfic authors.

      • Twilight Slush says:

        What happened? Deets?

      • Anon says:

        Someone please tell us what happened on that thread. Brutal? I’m so curious now but it moves so fast that I would not even begin to know where to look. When shit goes down over there, there is blood. Page # where it happens, or can it be summarized easily? You’ve got me wondering now.

        • Incog Nito says:

          Someone went in and asked SR to explain why the story was pulled.
          It was nice and all, that first post. Friendly.
          Normal ppls wouldn’t think it was that big a deal.
          The poster was attacked straight away – the very next post.
          Straight for the jugular by those rapid fan-girl slores.
          It was brutal.
          Even if there’s history gone down, it was like…whoa!

          • Anonymous says:

            That whole thread is fuckery and nonsense. It’s hard to filter through dissertation size posts on Dante and Jane and Mrs. Reed and LOUD COLOR LARGE FONT.

            As if people can’t read what you’re saying in normal size and color.

            A book club over books mentioned in a fic LOLOLOLOLOL! Apparently that fic makes you smarter and encourages you to read more books. So it IS doing some good!

            • Anonymous says:

              From what I understand, one of the participants in the book club truly needs the font larger. A sight problem makes reading normal sized font very difficult, so the people on the thread were making it easier for absolutely everyone to participate.

  38. Anonymous says:

    I saw that. Now I’m thinking Morgan Locklear is the wife. No grown man would be arguing with women over petty bullshit.

    • hi says:

      Were you raised in the 50s when it was beneath a man to engage in the petty antics of women? It’s 2010, baby. Men are allowed to get down in the dirt just like the womenfolk. Shrill hysterics are now gender blind.

      • Anon says:

        Shrill hysterics?! Damn, now I’m really curious about what happened!

        • hi says:

          I should clarify – I have no idea what went down with Morgan Locklear. And every time I’ve interacted with him he has been quite a nice guy.

          My point was only that it’s stupid to assume that just because he’s a man that he should be above the assholery that we all get swept up into once in awhile. And also that it’s insulting to insinuate that shrill hysterics is a woman-thing. That is all :))

  39. Anonymous says:

    Those ladies in the U of Em thread are very mean. After uoem was pulled a reader politely asked how different plotlines finished (post was about 5PM on September 24th).The first response is

    “I would love to answer these questions for you! BUT I dont want to ruin it for you when SR desides to put the chapters back up!!!! And you will be greatful that at least I didnt give you answers you seek!”

    How ridiculous is that? 1)Uoem isn’t going back up. 2) How incredibly RUDE.

    The original asker (bless her heart) asks again and says “NO! I need to know!” In comes squally who says

    “Firstly I’m not sure you really WANT to know the answer to those questions.”

    What the hell is WRONG with you people? She said 2 times that she wanted to know, did she not? Squally did go on to answer 1 of the poster’s 4 questions but squally clarified she was doing it ONLY because it was answered in the epilogue. Squally then finishes with this gem

    “Lots of things happened and I hope (really I do) that one day you’ll get the chance to read yourself and find out”.

    Unbelievable.

    I have seen several threads after a story was taken down. People are ALWAYS willing to answer questions about things some readers missed. I didn’t see what happened yesterday but I am not surprised to find out people in that thread are being nasty.

    • Anonymous says:

      The people of the thread do not have to answer those questions. Call it what you want, but everyone has a right to answer or not answer a poster.

      For a FanFiction as widely received as The University of Edward Masen, answers can be found from many people.

      I think it’s important to acknowledge that there is no official word about UOEM’s future just yet. Sure, we can conjecture all day long and have our opinion on the matter, but there simply isn’t evidence that the story itself will never return.

      So until then, maybe we can understand that the people on the thread are indeed loyal to SR and would naturally have hope that it will be reposted. Considering this, they would truly not wish to ruin someone’s reading experience when maybe a little patience and understanding might be needed.

      I don’t think you could find a place more sympathetic to the question, “What happens next?” but I also think that understanding the respect for the author that is fervently practiced in that place is imperative. I recall reading other posters politely explaining why they don’t feel comfortable filling in the gaps, but they directed to other places where some answers might be found.

      Not everyone is going to handle situations the right way, but invoking a broad generalization of the character of the posters there is unacceptable. Many lurkers, many people who have questions are welcomed with joy.

      Whether anyone chooses to believe any of this is not important; however, the fact is that there are good people who treat others courteously. To mischaracterize an entire group is to grossly hyperbolize a situation based on premises that are not understood fully as the context was ignored.

      The participants on that thread obviously care about UOEM and it would be logical that they would wish to preserve the plot points. It could be wrong or it could be right, but the fact is that an author could be contacted or the user could have asked elsewhere or other users.

      • undercover says:

        Preserve fucking plot points? The free version of the story is gone and you’d have to be delusional to think it’s ever coming back. Those people are only protecting SR’s pocketbook. Loyal readers who stuck with that crap but missed the ending will now have to pay to read it when SR actually does “publish” it. You completely underestimate the intelligence of people in this fandom. What’s going on is completely transparent, no matter how much you try to dress it up with words about respect and fairness. The Emperor has no clothes. I can’t wait for all of the wank surrounding UoEM is finally exposed.

      • anonymous says:

        What the fuck is the point of having a thread about a story if someone can’t even ask questions about that story and is guided ‘elsewhere’?

        Stoo-pid.

        The story was AVAILABLE ON-LINE.

        FOR FREE.

        There is no need to ‘preserve the plot points’ of a work that has already been out in the public domain.

        Fucked up slore logic at its best/worst/most ridiculous.

  40. nonnie nonnie boo boo says:

    Here’s the thing. It’s not that we all hate every single BNA out there. Some of them are actually extremely humble and don’t participate in the drama. I know one author who has over 5,000 reviews and whose (amazingly hilarious & awesome) story is very widely read, yet she refuses to be a part of the drama. It’s the BNAs that hold themselves above all others that need to have their egos slapped around a bit. That’s the gist of it (for me anyway).

    • thankfuckimnotawriter says:

      Do we think of the same author? She writes a vamp fic, right?

      • nonnie nonnie boo boo says:

        Not the one I’m thinking of specifically. It’s AH. But there are quite a few BNAs who are really awesome and don’t have inflated egos.

      • Anon E Mouse says:

        Can you rec these stories? I’m always for reading from a good author who doesn’t relish in their groupies and awesomeness. I would guess to say that here in the context of this site, BNA is almost another word for Big Name Author with an ego the size of Texas and not authors who just have popular fics.

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