Archive for the ‘Fangirl wank’ Category


A Nonnie from the Delaney Twank comments linked us this, and it brought all kinds of lulz. It’s a blog from a woman who claims to have lived next door to Robert Pattinson for three months. The experience was so life changing, she decided to turn them into a series of e-books, which you can purchase here for $4.99.

From her website:

Robert Pattinson had rented this hide away apartment in a mountain and I was his neighbor.

Find out what we talked and all the things he did while he was there.

I’ve been talking about Robert Pattinson and this place since May 2009. When I decided to go public with this information, no one knew whom he was until I started talking in twitter.

My ebook came out in January 2010  and now I’m writing my ebook2. What sets me apart from all the other stories on Robert Pattinson?

A copy of an Official paper that I hold from Robert Pattinson. It will amaze you when you read it and it comes with the ebook. I also have a photo that hasn’t circulate in the net yet and you will need my permission to do it.

From her blog:

Robert Pattinson -secrets

Hi everyone.
My new blog will talk about the ebook that i wrote . A true story about Robert Pattinson hiding in this mountain in October 2008. I know it has been a while. I’ve been on twitter for the past year. Giving out all types of info on Robert Pattinson. Like. Did you know that his real birthday is on April 5.. not on May 13 and did you know that Robert is older than 24 yrs. old I have lots of info on Robert Pattinson. Exactly what he did in that mountain. What type of music he played. who visited him there and all the mysteries of that mountain that for some reason he altered as soon as he stepped in. You can follow me on Twitter… drkside11…. and you can visit my website: http://www.RobertPattinson11.com you can purchase the e-book through pay pal.

His REAL birthday is April 5th. Amazing.

Are we that skectical?

I have made several attempts to reach all those fans of Robert Pattinson.

This is not a self-insert RPF.

He would get so close to me like he wanted to Smell me and breath me. Some men are like that. They are near a woman and they take a big breath and fill their lungs with the woman’s smell. I’m been dramatic but it’s the truth. Men love to do that and Robert is one of them, with the idea that they are enjoying what they have next to them.

Okay, maybe it is.

as you can see I have several version of this house. I have other pictures. Yes, he was inside his apt. when this picture was taken. He liked hanging his laundry outside in the terrace. In my e book I have a valuable official information about Robert Pattinson as proof with a picture that hasn’t circulate in the net yet.

FINALLY, WE FIND DELANEY’S INSIDER SOURCE!

TO ALL OF ROBERT PATTINSON FANS

I think you might be interested in following me. I am the author of THE DARKSIDE OF ROBERT PATTINSON -secrets…you might ask who am I? well you will see my name if you buy my book. It’s my real name the one that Robert knew when we met. YOU MIGHT WANT TO FOLLOW ME.

We do.

I talked to the guy for more than a few minutes. I saw lots of things with him that I will be talking in my  e book2.  I get a little scared sometimes because .. when I start thinking about someone and no matter how far they are. I start getting into this persons.. well its like a telephone call you can tap in and start listening to his conversations with his brain and his feeling.  you  can feel the vibrations from them and its sometimes a bit scary, because if that person at the moment is feeling depress. That’s exactly what you are going to feel. It’s very powerful and hard to talk about.

Scary creepy?

Happy Halloween, Twankas!

ETA:  A VERY RARE PICTURE OF ROB AND EMILIE

From this blog of hers:

RobPattinson-aka a very rare pic of Robert and DeRaven. They have met way before. He wanted her for the part of Remember Me, they where long time friends. Here in Let’s make a deal.

lol wut?

So. We’re being punked, right?

Thought so.

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SnowqueenIcedragon’s stans made her this tribute website for MotU’s 1 year anniversary.

Master of the Universe has become the biggest thing the fandom has seen in terms of reviews, fan reaction and outside interest. In some cases this story has been life changing for the readers. It has definitely been life changing for it’s author. Who knew that this little fanfiction story would be MORE.

Idek. We’ll let the twankas handle that one.

Now SebastienRobichaud’s stans are doing something similar. From an email sent to every member of his FGB team:

Good day to you all.
You may be wondering why you’re receiving this email.
Well, SR is currently writing the FGB outtakes you have been waiting for. So I wanted to let you all know that they are not far away. Please keep an eye on your spam folders for the next little while.
The other reason you are receiving this is because fans of SR have decided to put together a tribute site for him for the completion of “The University of Edward Masen”. Our dear author has had a lot of life changing moments while he has been writing this story and many of us are thankful for being able to read it.
If you wish to let him know what this story has meant to you then you can do so by clicking this link and writing him a message.
Only Sebastien Robichaud, myself and my techie Hoot will ever see what is written. This will be turned into a private letter and sent to SR.
You are under no obligation to do this but we wanted to give you this opportunity.
With sincere gratitude,

Squally & Hoot x

Okay, we’re bored with the Icy/SR reader twank now. They’ll never be not-twanky. Unless something is particularly appalling, we’ll no longer be twanking the MotU/UoEM stans with new posts. We’ll just ETA this one. You probably won’t see anything more on the authors either, until they decide to publish.

Lets move it along.

ETA1: MotU stans roleplay the fic into a “show.”

From this amazingly scary website:

ANNOUNCEMENT

Due to recent circumstances, chat will NO LONGER be held in Edward’s apartment. Instead, we shall be meeting in the downstairs cigar room of Escala. When entering the building, turn right off the main lobby to find the cigar room. Thank you for your cooperation.

THE SHOW STARTED MONDAY AUGUST 9 @ 8 PM FORKS

PLEASE FOLLOW ALL CHARACTERS to Follow along.

With Permission from Icy herself we are acting out SnowQueens IceDragon’s Master Of the Universe here and out on twitter

Follow us @FiftyShadesEd and @Ms_IsabellaSwan.

We Started at chapter one and will continue to move thru to the end 87 89 endless chapters and the 50 Shades of Mr Edward Cullen. Please join us on this journey of making Mr Cullen and Ms Swan a reality. Spread the word and join the site for chats and discussions about MotU as well as interact with Mr Cullen and Isabella and the rest of the cast.

This site is for 18 and over only due to extreme language and explicit sex and because Edward Cullen is 50 Shades of Fucked up.

We run the story one chapter at a time for 1-1.5 hours each night
Starting at 8pm Seattle time.

They even got a fucking twibbon for this crap. That thing people on Twitter do to support a cause, like breast cancer, or feeding the hungry, or stopping hate and bigotry. They have a twibbon for the “Bunker Babes” too.

We can’t.

Then, the application to “become” a character includes questions like:

Do you understand we will be acting out line by line the Queen’s story first in MSN and then moving it to twitter?

And

Mr Cullen’s NDA states nothing that happens in MSN can be discussed outside of our Behind the Scenes Conversations. Also that you fully understand and agree to all the terms listed on this app? If you are found to be in violation of the NDA depending on the severity of the offence you may have your role taken from you. Do you Agree if you become an Official MotU character you will abide by the NDA?

ETA2: Love comes in spurts (little spurts):

Tribute to “Master Of The Universe (by Snowqueens Icedragon)”
Song written and performed by Betti Gefecht
Mp3 download at http://bettis-art-house.blogspot.com

Lyrics:

Quick to be angered
Hard to please
Hot and cold and bittersweet
Everything about him
Makes me weak in the knees
And yet I’m still on my feet
Cuz when he shifts his way
From bright to moody
It’s just one of the fifty shades
Of his Beauty

Some call him master
Some call him a mess
Sometimes it hurts
Sometimes I want it faster
Sometimes I want less
Love comes in spurts (little spurts)
Because the gift he
Makes me
Is a treasure
He gives me fifty shades
Of pleasure

Doubt swiftly fades
Here’s my confession:
(Goddess to god, inner goddess calling)
I crave his fifty shades
Of love and passion

Fifty shades of love…

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Long ago, in a land far, far away, there existed an artist. Not the kind who makes something based off someone elses work and calls it a literary masterpiece. One who actually made his living off of the work he produced. He went to school for it, studied hard, and probably went through all the rigmarole any professional artist must face. His product bought his food and clothed him, paid his mortgage, and for all we know, fed his puppies (good god, think of the puppies!).

In this same, odd land known as Real Life, there also exists evil hackers who will stop at nothing to invade this photographer’s privacy and gain access to his highly coveted masterpieces, sell them to the highest bidder, and essentially rob (we heart puns) him of whatever monetary gain he could have made off the photos.

In this case, said photographer Stuart Shining is (supposedly) a bad ass muthafucka who will C&D your ass so fast, you won’t even get a chance to fap to Rob’s bouffant your head will spin. In fact, he apparently did so earlier last year when some of these popular photos were leaked.

Fast forward a bit, and it’s revealed that PattinsonLife/RPL has possession of, and has posted those pictures illegally onto their site(s). Someone speaks up, cue C&D, LiveJournal steps in and takes action, RPL owner/administrator Mandy/Brandnewluv‘s account gets suspended, and the photos get removed.

You’d probably think, “Oh well, yeah, that sucks. Who gives a crap?”

Wait for it….

One could argue that it wasn’t well-known to RPL that C&D letters had been sent already around to other sites possessing the same photos. One could argue that, even though it is well known in the fandom that Delaney84 is already in a legal case with Summit for posting photos from the Eclipse film without permission, and that even though RPL had already dodged the massive bullet that was being included in the same suit, that sometimes, ignorance/accidents/mistakes/drunkeness just happens.

They didn’t know!

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Oooookay, they did suspect something, else this totally random tweet would have never made it onto the web-o-sphere. But it’s not like they all freaked out and irrationally incited a mob against the Meanie McMeanpants who brought the stolen pictures to the higher powers’ attention instead of just owning up to making a dumb mistake or anything. Right?

(right?)

We can’t disagree with you there.

But this is just jittzpattzing who we’d love to insult but her emotional instability and disturbingly effective stalking abilities frighten us greatly. It’s not like the admins of RPL would make entire blog posts playing the victim when, in fact, they knew all along their actions were likely shady and not entirely legal, and there is clear proof to that fact. Right?

(right?)

That livejournal account was deleted because someone reported a few pictures (I don’t know which pictures, since everything was deleted) and I really can’t understand why. I’m sure everyone enjoyed them when they were posted, but the hate around here made a person, that probably saved the photo, file a complaint. When something that it was supposed to be fun starts being the reason I’m stressing all the time, I guess it’s time to stop;

Give us something to work with here! Okay. Okay. The people responsible aren’t taking responsibility. You’re entitled, we get it. We’ve seen that a lot. Whatever. But it’s not like anyone actually bought into this crap. Not when there’s PROOF existing, so readily available (it took me two minutes to search this crap out, really) that RPL knew what they were doing and we’re only sorry they got tattled on. It just wouldn’t go down like that, right?

(right?)

dorym said…That mean spirited person is asking for trouble from the universe for putting out such a negative and dishonorable energy which has caused unhappiness for so many fans.

maria2386 said…I miss the old days and agree totally – the bitchiness and nastiness that is apparent in this fandom is absolutely ridiculous. It’s SHOULD be all about sharing and celebrating Rob’s brilliance

*takes memo we never got*

rpattzgirl survived Rob! said…I don’t understand how this could happen, or what lead to it… It’s disgusting, and frankly scary as shit that haters have this much power…

itsyblue said…I am sure Rob would be very disappointed, this is exactly what he meant when he said “little nerds that hide behind their blogs”

*more memos*

papagáj said…What happened is the highest form of human depravity and rudeness. I loathe them. They are not worthy to call them human beings. This is what feeds them is our grief and anger, and note that even they do not deserve, so we must remain strong, maybe in another community.

CullenGal09 said…The fact that such hatred and petty nonsense has caused you to resort to this upsets me greatly, but I also understand totally.

Aeren said…I.m Cryinng Now, I.m a mother a wife, A Rob Fan and I cant understand all this madness.. Think about your followers, affiliates, I Love you…ah Bad day

Engen said…This is so sad! 😦 I really enjoyed reading this blog. So now I’m so angry at the people who reported it!!!

amfipolos said…I guess people with absolutely no lives but with extensive hate over anyone who’s happy, creative and devoted have won once again… I agree with you, you have to do what you have to do when you feel you don’t want to put up with the shit anymore.

Nicole said…The same thing that is happening to you is happening in the fanfiction writing community where UoEM and some other stories were taken down. There is just so much hate and grown women acting like complete idiots. I’m sure you did nothing wrong.

Oh, Nicole. Read above. And then below.

♪♫ Yaelfica ♪♫ said…MANDY i don’t fully understand what happened

Psssst. That’s because she didn’t fully tell you what happened.

skorobeu said…OMG!!!NOOOO!!!I am so sad.its disgasting!!!

papagáj said…KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA KAR-MA

(right…)

We’re hoping that Livejournal will listen and reinstate her account. But this post is mainly to support her and PL. All of us ToR girls love you guys and are behind you 100%. We just wanted to let you guys know that. Don’t give up, we’re right behind you.

ETA: And to all of you haters, you don’t know how much work goes into these sites. Stop your pathetic moaning, bitching & ranting. If you’re not happy then go somewhere else. You don’t have to spew your hate all over the place or better yet why don’t you get a life or create your own freaking site and see how much time and energy it takes you and then maybe you can come back to whine. This fandom went from being a fun place to be to trying to blog in hell. Keep it up and you’ll be losing all the major sources.

No love,

FP

ETA1: COME BACK, RPLIFE!

http://comebackrplife.wordpress.com/

Mandy permalink I have no words. I could barely read all comments because my tears are blinding me…. But I know that in the end you still will be there, even if I’m not RPLife anymore, just Mandy. That’s what I’m trying to be now, just Mandy.

ETA2: WHY DOES LJ HATE MEEEEEEEE?! *VIOLINS*

Mandy made some new LJ accounts, because when the admins tell her “We’re just not that into you” she hears “Blah blah blah.”

Mandy’s locked Twitter; a creative reenactment:

My new LJ is justgoogle.

WHY DID THEY SUSPEND THE NEW ACCOUNT, I AM INNOCENT! THE WORLD HATES ME, WHYYY. THEY DELETED IT. I AM HATED. BAWWW WEEP GOD NOOOO

LJ replied and said they wouldn’t unsuspend my accounts

ARE THESE GUYS SERIOUS? *LINKS TWANKHARD R.I.P R.P.L BLOG*

This is why I’m quitting fandom. I’m so disgasted!!! disgusted.

This is all because of THEM.

Oh Mandy. *Resist the Manilow. RESIST IT!* We’re not out to get you. We don’t even really know you, and you fap to Rob, so you’re naturally off our radar. But wow. A lot of other people?

15 twank submissions in one day don’t lie.

ETA3: No really. WE ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Yeah, we have no idea. It’s not like she made a post saying it was or anything.

ETA4: “With each good soul, each blog removed due to the actions of such spawns of satan is a win for evil.

http://thinkingofrob.com/2010/09/29/taking-a-short-break/

Hi guys,

ToR is tak­ing a short break. We’ve seen so much hate over the past few days that we need to step back.

We’ll see you soon.

Lots of love,

FP

ETA5: HAHAHA JUST JOKINGGGGGG

They flounced the flounce. (Link to ToR post above is gone. We cry)

ETA6: JUST JOKING ABOUT JOKING BUT ONLY A LITTLE

They flounced flouncing the flounce. Or one of them did, idek, but the quote below is pretty lulzy.

Robert is our tree, he grounds us, and we branch out from him in a way that we feel is respect­ful to him.

And all the manip artists smiled. (Then emailed them to us.)

Many efforts have been made to show human­ity and kind­ness on his behalf because we have seen the com­pas­sion in his soul and want to spread the same like­ness. We aspire to keep things uncom­pli­cated because we under­stand that Rob is a sim­ple man. Antag­o­nism and regres­sion is a way of life, unfortunately, but defeat is nonex­is­tent in our minds. Never Think.

You do that so well.

ETA7: THEY ARE INTERNET TERRORISTS

http://www.robstenlove.com/blog/2010/09/have-people-lost-their-minds.html

A beloved site, RPLife, was taken down in our fandom yesterday, and someone is to blame. Some little plotting group of wanna-be bullies. I wish I could say that this is all these bitches are, but they are in fact Internet Terrorists. Quietly plotting, gathering info, seeing where they can throw some ammo and hope they find a weak spot so the blast will leave a hole. You know what I want to refer to with my descriptions. You know where I’m going with this when I call them Internet Terrorists. And all of this was done in the name of what? Responsible journalism? Protecting private property? Puhleeze!

 

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