Archive for the ‘Not Even Funny wank’ Category


Warning! This twank doesn’t come with brain bleach.

rubber-duckies-1234 has an interesting little story by the title of Daddy’s favourite girl, which features an incestuous/pedophilia/omgthisissogross mature relationship between Charlie and Bella. Our first instinct was to just run very far away, but others have been reporting this story to FFn for violation of the ToS.

But we can’t understand why they would. Like rubber-duckies says again and again:

I put up a warning that there was going to be incest. So please don’t review or if you don’t like it, or if your disgusted by it, I mean why review a story and tell me it’s sick. I know it’s sick and twisted but everyone has different opinion and there is a plot for this story.

Rated M for mature themes and incest.

You’ve all been warned! We don’t know about you, but whenever we see something offensive, disgusting,  repulsive, immoral, scary, etc and so on, we just ignore it. That’s why whenever we see suspicious men on playgrounds with their hands in their pants, we walk the other way instead of causing a scene, amirite?

A/N: No rude reviews please and vote on my poll!

The readers have been warned that the story is sick, twisted, and incestuous, and instructed to only leave nice reviews.

ENTER: THE RUDE REVIEWS!

Okay everyone, don’t be mad because I know that I promise there won’t be another AN. I have some bad news and good news.

Bad news:

People have been reporting this story saying it’s sick and disgusting. I put up a warning that there was going to be incest. So please don’t review or if you don’t like it, or if your disgusted by it, I mean why review a story and tell me it’s sick. I know it’s sick and twisted but everyone has different opinion. I don’t know if this story is going to be deleted or not.

And remember it is Fanfiction “Unleash you imagination.” That is the quote for the FF. Just saying.

She seems so familiar with Fanfiction.net’s slogan. We wish they’d add to that “…if you’ve read the ToS.” (Which she obviously hasn’t)

She also lists in her last chapter every (good) reviewer, story alerter, and story favorite’er, because that’s something everyone wants to be closely associated with.

Also an Evil Twin wank from her FFn profile, just because it made us lawl:

Sorry for those of you that gotten hate messages from me, I lent my brother my laptop and forgot to sign out of FF because I just made an account and my brother went on, so I am so sorry for the trouble I caused.

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Daniellier123 actually twanked herself, something all of us here found adorable, if not terribly self-serving.

I would like to report myself. 9 out of 10 times a day, I twank, wank, whatever you call it. Let’s put it simply, I act like a cunt.

I want to get this cunt-like weight off my chest and confess to you now.

I have made fun of the following fics and authors:

AngstGoddess, but she started it.

Just Wait, including writing out a note on my FB, dedicated to my own fake version of this stories fake ending. I just needed it to die so badly. Sorry.

Hunter Hunting & her damn story. Okay, *both* of them.

Feathersmmm and her Banger Nation, where apparently, no banging actually happens. Not even after 9 months.

I might have called them cunts. I might have called their readers/followers/creepy fans: flap-lickers and/or flap-suckle..ers. When someone noted they should be fucked up their arse with a rusty cucumber (or something) I laughed. Really, really hard.

*hangs head in shame*

I make no real apologies, as I believe all my twank/wank was justified, but hey, I just figured I’d own up to it. Plus, I’m kind of bored.

Anyhow…thanks for letting me show what a douchewaffle I am.

Appreciate it.

We passed all that up, because it’s not really funny to see someone so in love themselves, they scream at every newest thing I AM VERY RELEVANT TO ALL OF THIS!

(Or maybe it is.)

But then Nonnie Mouse pointed out a few fine items that Danieller failed to include in her self-twank report. We figure she didn’t include them for a reason, and we’re hoping it’s because she’s too ashamed to cop to them, though we also know it’s possible she sees nothing wrong with the below.

For those who may be unfamiliar to the long string of wanks of one Danieller123, she wrote The Workshop of Edible Delights and Under the Apple Tree (and other stuff no one cares about). These stories started out on fanfiction.net, but were later moved because, as the author explains, they were in violation of the fanfiction.net TOS.

This wouldn’t have been wank if she hadn’t sprinkled these “blogs” she forced (if they wanted to keep reading, anyway) her readers to visit with various advertisements of merchandise from her own fanfiction.

Hey, since you’re reading my story and love me and my self-proclaimed cuntiness so much, buy this shirt!

You get the idea.

This is the disclaimer from her Workshop blog:

But we couldn’t find anything on her SUPER PIMP ZAZZLE STORE stating that the proceeds go to charity, etc etc etc (like you’d find at myTspot’s Zazzle, though we’re still weighing how twanky that is. At least their hearts aren’t in their own pocketbooks? Ehhh, we’ll see.). So it’s safe to assume that the profit is going straight to Danieller. And since she’s only making profit because the fanfiction has readers, and since the fanfiction only has readers because it’s fanfiction, and since it’s only fanfiction because it has Twilight characters, then… profit is made off her fanfiction. Which is not illegal at all.

The other part of the Nonnie submitted twank was Danieller’s flaming insensitivity when approached about a quote from one of her fanfickshuns, that went something like, “being tighter than a Jew with a one dollar bill.”

Some people I follow on Twitter were upset about it and emailed her. She showed no concern that she offended anyone. She fucking laughed at them.

We didn’t really expect any other reaction, and we anticipate that she’ll enjoy the attention from being twanked very much, but since all of us here hate bigotry like no other, we figured we could save her the self-twank report and send her a big dose of  FUCK YOU.

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A two hour follow up post? We are (hardly) amazed by the response.

Apparently, wank begats wank. Or maybe it’s just another Saturday night, we’re not sure.

We’ve just received this twank submission:

107yearoldvirgin is accusing feathersmmm of “stealing” from her because she used the word “wang” in Wallbanger and quoted Ron Burgandy in her A/N.

We can’t make this up.

While the nonnie sent us screenshots of 107yearoldvirgin’s facebook wall (where she tells Feathers to “fuck off and choke”), we weren’t able to really find any logic in the accusation, or proof that any of 107yearoldvirgin’s stories we’re so dependent upon use of the popular term “wang” that it would constitute copying of any kind. No amount of digging has uncovered any logic, actually.

No, it’s just funny.

Except the death wish.

That’s just insane.

LET IT BE HEARD, UNIVERSE! ALL WANG BELONGS TO 107YEAROLDVIRGIN, ELSE YOU CAN FUCK OFF AND CHOKE.

Thanks for the warning, nonnie.

ETA:Because 107yearoldvirgin isn’t being self-important at all, she needs a whole contest to prove how much she doesn’t own wang or unfairly persecute people who use common terms.

Welcome to the Steal My Fics One Shot Contest!

What the eff is this about? It’s about giving permission to the strealers and the haters; the lovers and the laughers.

So, you want to take a piece of my second-rate ficcing and make it your own? You think you know Don? Wanna steal my ‘Wards?Come on. Everyone else is doing it.

Why not steal a SleepHumper or a Wang? Maybe take one of my One Shots and twist it around. Or use my Manny in a new house? Perhaps you want to have a mysterious photographer who can’t feel? A gay assistant named Ali? This is your chance! You have my blessing to Steal My Fics. Make me laugh and let me see what you’ve got hidden up your plagiarizing sleeves.

We love how easy you make it to like you. But, we also think “Fuck off and choke” was a way better name for this contest.