Posts Tagged ‘all for the lulz’


We’re not really even sure we can pinpoint the twank here. We guess in the generalized sense, DelaneyG84 is one big, pulsating twank monster, just lurking beneath your bed, waiting for your feet to pass so she can jump out, grab you, and yell.

ROBSTEN IS REAL! ACCEPT AND LOVE THEM! *CRAZINESS* *CRAZINESS* *CRAZINESS*

We already know a little about how Delaney is being sued by Summit for leaking Eclipse photos, so her rabid fanaticism doesn’t come as much of a surprise.

We have no idea how she developed such a “following” but if you were to ask her, it’s because she has “insider sources” that can confirm the definite existence of “Robsten.” Not only can she confirm that RP and KS are together and deeply in love, but she also provides alleged details about their personal and professional lives, sometimes teasing her followers with clues about information gained from these “sources”. All the while, she is claiming to have so much information on RP and KS that she has to remain “muzzled” to respect their privacy.

She sometimes insults her very following by agreeing “a cat has more common sense than a large portion of R/k fans“.

She has double agents EVERYWHERE!

Begs in smugness, “Let’s forget the “Stens”. I have done my part. Y’all know the truth by now. Let’s be Rob, Kris and Twilight Saga fans. Ok?

It’s wrong to hate on popular figures. “You can’t be a fan of Rob if you hate Kstew.

Yet she continuously mocks and berates other figures of popularity, calling Joe Jonas “a virgin whore” and saying this of Rob and Kristen’s costars, Ashley Green and Nikki Reed: “AG and NR just need to keep their legs shut. There I said it.

Yet she tells Twihards they need to chill the fuck out.

And God forbid anyone doubt the existence of Robsten. She reitterates how very together the couple is. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and…

You feel me.

Sometimes, reading through her Twitter feed (which we only had the motivation to do as far back as July), we get the impression that Delaney feels burdened by her obligations and duties in this fandom. She has to confirm and deny every rumor, inform us which fan sites are acceptable to visit, and constantly reiterate how very together the couple is. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and…

We all know how rabid it can get on both sides of this R/K debate, but Twankhard was really shocked to hear some of the shenanigans, going so far to stalk and harass people and their families (on either side) in their personal lives.  Naturally, we’re like.

Who cares who’s fucking whom?

But this is some prime, WTF IT’S SO CREEPY WE’RE SCARED FOR THEM twank.

When things get really difficult for Delany, she just finds comfort in knowing that Rob and Kristen are solid.

Scary creepy?

Happy Halloween, Twankas.

ETA: SCREENSHOTS & POLL UNDER “READ FULL STORY” CUT

ETA2: Nonnie sent us this public summary of the Summit lawsuit

http://www.rfcexpress.com/lawsuit.asp?ID=54932

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You haven’t been creeped out enough today. Look what Nonnie’s sent us!

What the hell is RobManiPorn?

Well, isn’t it obvious? It’s manipulated Robporn. His head, on hot bodies. Can it get any better?

CaroSlickLips finds the goods, and Lindz does the manip’in. It’s a match made in Robporn heaven.

So tune in for your daily dose of Robmaniporn. You will not leave disappointed….or with a dry pair of panties. ;o)

There’s this message on the bottom of the blog:

Like these manis? Want to use them for fanart or banners?

Simply ask and we will provide you with un-watermarked pictures. Just let us know the date and name of the mani you are interested in. robmaniporn@yahoo.com

We do ask for a favor, though. Credit the blog, please. Wherever you do decide to post your banner or fanart, we’d appreciate a mention.

Also, we apologize, but we cannot provide unmarked pictures for personal purposes like wallpapers or avatars. Sorry.

Naturally, we wanted to get access to a few and make them into personal avatars and wallpapers (and distribute freely!), but then saw what happens when a robmaniporn flutters out into the interweb without permission. I wonder if they realize these can’t be copyrighted? We also wish Rob pursued more legal suits. *f*

Click READ MORE for some samples and prepare to vomit be dazzled.

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Twank happens in the UoEM thread, Nonnies flood our inbox, we sift through it to find the lulz.

The general tl;dr gist of this is:

  • SR makes a few brief posts (he’s been MIA for a long while) that have something to do with spreading goodness and charity. Got a lot of people to volunteer to do all the work. Denounced all the negativity rippling through fandom. Suggests he not be terribly closely tied to the fundraiser, as blind hatred for his name alone will sully it. Made no mention of UoEM specifically.
  • Maybebymonday decides, since SR is around, it might be a good time to finally get an answer as to why he pulled the story.
  • Isabeausink replies begging The Muses to ignore MBM, laces her post with the most pretentious/condescending vernacular to ever grace Twilighted.
  • After the thread diligently ignores MBM for a dozen or more posts, MBM replies to Isa that she only needs SR to reply, anyway.
  • Mostly A Lurker replies to MBM, explaining that it is an open forum, so she is inviting response from anyone except when the thread is told to ignore her. Maybe she should visit SR’s official website?
  • MBM replies stating that she is only interested in a response from SR, but given the mystery surrounding the story’s disappearance, it seems valid to post it in a public forum where others might also have questions.
  • Zoe123 pops in with a big GUUURRLLLL OH NO YOU DI-IN’T since MBM referred to SR as a “she.”  Also this overdramatic nonsense: “who are you to ask with such a sinister attitude against him and all of us
  • Chriserlyn makes a post suggesting that there is a conspiracy! MBM is trying to provoke The Muses so as to gain merit to report false accusations to the mods.
  • boricua_smv: “Wise words, my dear Gardenia. Sloretinis anyone?
  • More general agreement
  • MBM is all “WTF?”
  • HNWhitlock200 makes EMPHATIC ALL CAPS REPLY IN TEAL: “SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” MBM has clearly ruined her entire day.
  • Morgan Locklear: “First, let’s not pretend that MBM ‘s question isn’t valid. But her problem is that she’s rude, plain and simple, she’s been chasing budding posters off this thread for ages, (even a mostly blind lurker can see that.)How insulting to think that SR wouldn’t answer all our questions when he can.” Only he hasn’t. “Madam, you are surprisingly aggressive for someone who is attached to a non bullying campaign starting today.” She then tells MBM how to properly make an inquiry to our dear, fragile SR.
  • General agreement with Morgan in the form of “POSITIVITY ONLY DAY!” and “YOU HAVE BALLS, LIKE SR!” and “YOU WERE SO MUCH NICER THAN I WOULD HAVE BEEN!”
  • *MOB MENTALITY* *MOB MENTALITY* *MOB MENTALITY*
  • MBM is all “Oh, so this is why no one likes you people.”
  • WritingBabe makes a particularly lulzy teal deer post in which she recounts a story of being bullied as a child and likens MBM’s antics to that of her oldendays aggressors. “MBM, you may feel a victim, but you’re behaving like an aggressor. and your persistence leads me to tell you that you are on a destructive path. Destructive to others, but also destructive to yourself. Even if you relish the idea of hurting people you believe have somehow wronged you, you are setting patterns of behavior that will never help you thrive.
  • *SYMPATHY* *SYMPATHY* *SYMPATHY* WE WERE BULLIED, TOO!
  • Morgan Locklear: “If you would like to avoid further embarrassment at having your flimsy posts dismantled you may address me privately. But since it is the attention you seek, I won’t hold my breath.
  • MariaVisconti: “SR, thank you for your leadership. You’ve set a precedent on how to address negativity and hatred…. Do something Good! We may not be able to control all the evil in the world but we can , by helping others, stop our hearts from becoming hard, closed off, bitter, and most terrifying….faithless.
  • Twankhard reminds you that SR has made no appearance since MBM’s post.
  • Strange thread-wide “Book Club Meeting” in which they compare UoEM to the classic Jane Eyre.
  • Charlotte Bronte rolls over in her grave.
  • Morgan Locklear: “Jane Eyre, chapter 4, “November, December, and half of January passed away.” Anyone else think of New Moon?
  • Charlotte Bronte rolls over in her grave again.
  • Monamour finally clears up the charity thing: “SR and others are putting together an outtake book raising money for charity in Trayce’s honor as a show of the goodness in the fandom.
  • Twilighted Mod finally comes on to remind them that SR rules even Twilighted with his ginormous group of followers who give them traffic to be nice.

We’d like to point out that we’ve seen far worse mob mentality on Twilighted. On this specific thread even. As notorious as the mob mentality is around there, and since MBM has experienced it first hand herself, we can’t really argue that she didn’t make the post expecting a reaction and hoping it’d be worse.

But it is lulzy, if not for the Jane Eyre comparisons alone.

All the posts are hidden from font page. Click to read them in all their teal deer glory.

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By popular demand in Johnny’s thread (*irony*), we present to you…

The Fic Bridge: Big Name Author Love

Today, we are being positive about Big Name Authors. Why? Because chances are they have felt the heat of hate. They are easy targets and usually are tough to get a rise out of.

Instead of reacting, more often than not, a BNA will power through and keep writing for the readers that are enjoying their stories. Chances are, they jump at the opportunity to participate in charities and pimp other author’s stories.

When I was starting out, I had friendly, sweet help from quite a few well known authors. They answered questions, gave me the time of day, and continued to talk to me even though I am such a disgusting thing on Twitter.

They have set precedents for up and coming authors.

So today, big name authors get a little love.

We were going to make a day where we could just appreciate all authors equally, but the BNAs with 30,000 reviews just don’t get enough support! SR and SnowqueenSomething don’t have even have BIG NAME READERS to write creepy RPFs about them and their genitalia versions of Edward. Hurry! Let’s make them feel fellated and appreciated!

squalloogal wrote: I have turned off PM’s for the time being.

To those who had sent messages – Please wait on word from SR. I don’t know anything helpful to you. If you have copies of UoEM I don’t want them. I don’t want to know and I wish to remind everyone that “University of Edward Masen” is owned and written by the author going by the penname Sebastien Robichaud.

DO NOT DISTRIBUTE COPIES – this is theft.

DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT – I will just swear and call you a FUCKER.

That is all.

***********

Urgh I hate these kinds of posts.

So to cleans the palet…

Something lazy with hopefully some laughs and Something to SAY.

*********

A/N
I do not own Twilight; The University of Edward Masen; Master of the Universe or any other fanfiction stories or characters you may find within.
I am however blessed to call these Authors Friends. So I am not fazed.
Special thanks go to my beloved Beta Jenn who helped make this garbage readable.
This is the tale of a love story across the forums and through the pages of Twilight fanfiction
Above is just a sampling of the love we have shared with our lead characters Snowqueens Icedragon (Icy) and Sebastien Robichaud (SR)
I mean no disrespect. This is an act of love and the usual Squally fuckery.
In Lieu of an awe inspiring update of UoEM and MotU we have in its stead…. this.
Enjoy!

::SRICY a Love Story

Back in the age when fanfic was king there lived a mousy man named Sebastien. He was friends with a dragon called Falcor and a mean but sexy bloke called Sinward.

Sinward was of the tribe of WARDS, of which there were many. All the Wards were hunky, but some of them could kick your ass. Even though Sinward was a fierce guy he was very loyal and a great friend and ally of Sebastien’s.

Sebastien haled from the small village of Uni. Its nearest neighbor was a strange and mysterious place called Bunker. Sebastien heard tales of a beautiful and sassy maiden living in the land of Bunker and chose one day to visit.

As he entered into its royal courts he met a strange and exotic fellow by the name of Fifty. Sebastien thought it such a strange name for a fellow to bear, but said nothing of it. Fifty kind of gave him the creeps.

“What are you doing here? What do you want?” Fifty glared at young Sebastien and made him stutter.

“Um..I um, I’m loo look looking for the beautiful maiden of Bunker.”

“You can’t have her. Be gone you craven little man,” Fifty bellowed. “Even if you could find her, she’d have nothing to do with you. Look at you. ” Fifty stared at Sebastien and as he did he began to chuckle.

“Actually do you know what? I WILL tell you where to find our beauty Icy. She can be found in the midst of Bunker near the fountain of OB.” Fifty laughed harder believing Sebastien to be no threat to his manhood and let him on his way.

Our poor hero was so shaken by his encounter with the domineering Fifty that he looked behind him and pondered on whether he should go back to whence he had come. He was such a brave little Uniman though that with a deep breath he took hold of himself and marched into Bunker with focus.

In the belly of Bunker there could be heard such merriment. Many brazen and barely clothed women were drinking and talking about all manner of unmentionable things. Sebastien looked on in shock.

Who are these women? he thought to himself wondering how such creatures were allowed to mingle in polite society. Yet there in the midst he noticed a flash of long brown locks and the glimpse of a svelte figure.

That was her – he knew it. The beauty. The beauty of Bunker.

Never had he felt so thrilled and so terrified as he did in that moment. Icy, the beauty, turned around in the gaggle of woman and faced in his direction. She was heart stoppingly attractive. All Sebastien’s senses left him and he found his feet leading him closer to her.

When he was but a hares breath away from her he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had stolen his very breath with her enchanting whiles. The words of Fifty began to play over in his head. He heard again the laughter of the domineering man echoing through his soul.

Sebastien feeling defeat without saying a single word dropped his head and began to move away. How could a man like him be enough for such a goddess as Icy?

Just as he began to turn to leave her presence he felt her hand gently and tenderly take his. Sebastien looked up into the deep pools of chocolate that seemed to be reaching his very soul.

Icy smiled. “Hello,” she said quietly.

“Hello.” Sebastien being a man of great breeding never forgot his manners, regardless of the situation and circumstance, and began to introduce himself.

“I am Sebastien Robichaud of the land of Uni. You must be Icy of Bunker.”

“What makes you say so?” Icy looked upon him in kindness

“Well, you are the most beautiful lady I have ever set eyes upon” Sebastien blushed at his own bluntness. His face looked like an overcooked lobster. That blood red blush only made Icy’s smile grow. She had never encountered a soul, male or female, that had such little guile. Her heart began to soften greatly towards him.

All at once the gaggling girls surrounding them began to scream and swoon. Both Icy and Sebastien looked around. They had been lost in their not so private moment and were now aware that all the women seemed to be about to pass out. Sebastien looked for the cause of the ruckus when he noticed Fifty approaching him at great speed.

“Step away from her worm. She is mine.”

Icy’s nostrils flared. “I belong to no-one Fifty. How many times must I explain this to you? Just because I spend my weeks with your words and endless stories in my head does NOT make me yours.”

Fifty huffed.

Unbeknownst to Sebastien his good friend Sinward had been worried about his little chum Sebastien and followed him into the land of Bunker, if at a distance. As he came upon the scene in front of him he growled in righteous indignation. How dare this ‘Fifty’ speak to his friend that way.

That was it. He was taking up arms and going to battle. He charged into the throng of gaggling women who, by the way, were fainting and creaming themselves at his very presence and shoved Fifty.

“Back off you overgrown whipping boy,” Sinward huffed.

Fifty was having none of that and began throwing sex toys at Sinward. It was turning into an all out brawl on a scale no fairytale has ever been witness to.

Butt plugs and ben wah balls covered the ground. Sinward had a lovely bullet shaped mark on his forehead that was turning purple at speed while he was trying to strangle Fifty with his bow tie.

Bored of the commotion around them, and while all the woman had taken up various locations and positions sprawled out pleasuring themselves watching the events take place, both Sebastien and Icy snuck away to a quiet place.

They fell in love over time and settled down in the land of Gchat where they whiled away their days playing in Sebastien’s PJ collection and Icy’s bottom drawer.

The land of Fanfinction would always rejoice to have been witness to such awesome fuckery and such passionate love.

THE END {or is it?

This doesn’t have 5 more chapters and videos to go with it. How will all these BNAs know you love them, unless you profess it? Frequently?

What’s this?

You only have 200 reviews?

No one gives a shit about you.

Now, go find someone who’s actually important and tell them how they are LYKE OMG SO AWESUM!

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You know it’s going to be lulzy when chapter 1 is nothing but A/N and it still has over 4,000 reviews.

There Will be Blood by johnnyboy7

Dear Faithful Readers (who from this moment on, will be called Johnny’s since I’m vain like that haha).

Welcome to a new adventure from my mind and trust me, its going to be a trip.

If you’ve been reading some of my other stuff aka THVC or LDV,

you will know that I am a pretty extensive writer who enjoys diving head first into the lives and characters of my stories. This story is going to be no different and expect long, detailed chapters.

This is a Bella/Edward, ALL HUMAN story and is very OCC as far as the Cullen’s go. I don’t want reviews telling me this because I wrote the story so I know this is going to be totally different from Stephanie Meyer’s stuff. This is a pure Johnnyboy7 creation. Remember that.

We’ve never ready anything like this before!

Also, since this is going to be a ‘life story’, there won’t be drama and lemons in every chapter. Of course, you know I love my smut and drama but it won’t be happening every day.

Life story? More like an autobiography AMIRITE?

Just let the story progress and stick with it. I promise you’ll be on a roller coaster from the prologue.

Well, since you demanded asked so nicely…

Now on to the technical stuff; this story will have alternating Bella/Edward POV’s by chapter except for the prologue, which was just something I was trying out. There will be cannon pairings but like I said before, Edward is VERY DIFFERENT.

Well maybe I should say that he isn’t different but for a human, he can be pretty messed up. Think of him as the closest thing to vampire as a human can be.v

THIS IS A MAFIA STORY.

ALL THE THINGS THAT COME WITH THAT WILL BE IN THE SUBSEQUENT CHAPTERS.

That brings me to my next part of my first of many author’s rants. This story is a very intricate reflection of the underground crime world.

The mob is never a clean thing so this story won’t be either.

IF YOU AREN’T OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE THEN PLEASE JUST SKIP RIGHT OVER THIS STORY AND COME BACK WHEN YOU’RE OLDER.

CAN WE AT LEAST STILL CLICK ON ALL THE OUTFIT PICTURES ON YOUR PROFILE, JOHNNY? OH PLEASE!

This story has blood, gore, violence, guns, references to religion, drugs, alcohol, language, dirty lemonade and so much more. It’s rated M for a reason; very dark themes dealing with the mafia and crime families. I think I use the word ‘fuck’ or some variation of it at least twenty times in the first chapter.

… wasn’t Edward supposed to be VERY DIFFERENT?

Expect lots of Mobward. He’s not a very close ‘Twilight’ Edward. Bella is closer to the books but not fully. Although he might ‘soften’ throughout the story, don’t expect him to ever truly be fluffy per se.

I think that’s all. I just wanted to warn everyone before we get this thing started.

I know I’m sounding like a ‘father’ right now

Is that what they’re calling tools now?

He ends the rest of the chapters in BOLD SHOUTY CAPS, telling the reader what they should be focusing on and worrying about, narrating the rise in reviews, and promoting contests that he REALLY WANTS TO WIN SOMETHING from!

Chapter 13:

AND GOOD NEWS…LEMON COMING UP NEXT! I KNOW HOW PERVY YOU ALL ARE

Chapter 14:

EVERYONE KEEPS ASKING WHEN BELLA WILL REVEAL HER AGE. AT THIS POINT TO THE CHARACTERS, ITS NOT A BIG DEAL TO ANYONE EXCEPT BELLA. EDWARD COULD EASILY GET THE INFORMATION IF HE WANTED BUT SHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS 21, WHY WOULDN’T HE BELIEVE HER? PLUS, IN THEIR EYES, THIS IS A ONE TIME DEAL…AS OF NOW. THE AGE THING WILL BE COMING UP SHORTLY, ESPECIALLY ONCE THE FAMILY FINDS OUT ABOUT OUR LOVER’S LITTLE TRYST.

WHAT EVERYONE REALLY NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUT IS WHETER BELLA IS ITALIAN OR NOT. THAT’S A WHOLE SEPARATE ISSUE ON ITS OWN AND DID WE FORGET THAT CHARLIE’S A COP? MY, MY, MY. THINGS ARE HEATING UP.

LOTS GOING ON. HOPE YOU CAN ALL KEEP UP.

Thanks for mansplaining that to us, Johnny. Our minds are just so tiny and insignificant and pervy. It is so hard to keep up with your ignorance intricate reflections of the crime world.

Chapter 17:

ONCE AGAIN, I KEEP GETTING SO MANY COMMENTS ABOUT BELLA’S AGE. ONE REVIEWER EVEN CALLED HER A HYPOCRITE FOR KEEPING SECRETS. GOOD LORD FOLKS, IT’S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL ALTHOUGH SHE THINKS IT IS. I PROMISE THAT THE AGE QUESTION WILL BE ADDRESSED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, ON FRIDAY, WHICH IS A BEAST BY THE WAY.

BUT AS I’VE SAID BEFORE, THE AGE THING ISN’T THE BIGGEST DEAL. DID EVERYONE FORGET THAT EDWARD’S IN THE MOB? MAJOR PROBLEM. I CAN’T STRESS THAT ENOUGH.

IN OTHER NEWS, LOTS OF THINGS GOING ON OUTSIDE OF THE STORY.

SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE RECOMMENDED THIS STORY TO OTHER SITES AND I’VE GOTTEN AN INFLUX OF REVIEWERS WHO HAVE BEEN SENT OVER TO THE STORY. THERE HAS BEEN SO MANY PEOPLE COMING OUT OF THE WOODWORKS, THAT I’VE DECIDED TO START A BLOG.

With all of your new popularity, intricate plots that we can barely keep up with, and neverending efforts to please the hoards of “pervs” that read you, of course you need a blog! Next stop, COPYRIGHTING!

.


We’d like to be the first (?) to congratulate EdwardsBloodType on the flawless copyrighting of her… everything posted on fanfiction.net.

All plot lines, backgrounds, characterizations, and details belong to EdwardsBloodType. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization. ©2010 EdwardsBloodType. All rights reserved worldwide.

WWWWOOOOOOORRRRRRLLLLDDDDD WIDE, BITCHES!

ALL YOU HOMIES OVER THERE IN CAMBODIA,

BURMA,

FUCKING EQUATORIAL GUINEA AND SHIT,

WE KNOW YOU’RE REAL BUSY TRYING TO GAIN FREEDOM AND FIND FOOD AND CLEAN WATER TO KEEP YOUR CHILDREN ALIVE WITH, BUT IF YOU COULD TAKE A MOMENT TO FUCKING RECOGNIZE, EDWARDSBLOODTYPE HAS SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY ABOUT HER FLY ASS TWILIGHT FANFICTION:

ALL THIS SHIT SHE’S WRITING? IT’S HERS, BITCHES (except when it isn’t). SHE IS RESERVING ALLLLLLLL HER RIGHTS (very little, if any), TESTIFY! SO DON’T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT COPYING THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. YOU WANT TO SEND IT TO A FRIEND? TOO BAD, LINK ALL THEM HOES TO HER SUPER PIMP FANFICTION.NET PROFILE PAGE, BITCHES, BECAUSE EDWARDSBLOODTYPE IS TOO LEGIT TO QUIT.

AND WHOEVER THE FIRST HATER IS TO TELL HER she can’t COPYRIGHT SOMETHING THAT’S ALREADY COPYRIGHTED? THEY CAN SUCK IT. WORLD. WIDE.

Under copyright law, if you don’t own the copyright to a work, you cannot do the following without permission from the copyright holder:

  • Reproduce copies of the work
  • Create derivitave works based on the work
  • Distribute copies of the work
  • Perform the work publicly
  • Display the work publicly

ALL THESE WHACK ASS GOOGLED ARTICLES AND LAW TEXT GONNA LOOK  a lot like this, BUT ALL THOSE LAWYERS AND SCHOLARS BE HATIN. SO WHAT IF THE VERY CONCEPT OF FANFICTION IS ALREADY ON SHAKY LEGAL TERRITORY? SLAP A COPYRIGHT ON THESE SUCKERS AND CALL IT A NIGHT, BECAUSE YOUR WORK IS DONE, SON.

RESPECT.

WORLD.

FUCKING.

WIDE.

BITCHES.