Posts Tagged ‘chickens’

A two hour follow up post? We are (hardly) amazed by the response.

Apparently, wank begats wank. Or maybe it’s just another Saturday night, we’re not sure.

We’ve just received this twank submission:

107yearoldvirgin is accusing feathersmmm of “stealing” from her because she used the word “wang” in Wallbanger and quoted Ron Burgandy in her A/N.

We can’t make this up.

While the nonnie sent us screenshots of 107yearoldvirgin’s facebook wall (where she tells Feathers to “fuck off and choke”), we weren’t able to really find any logic in the accusation, or proof that any of 107yearoldvirgin’s stories we’re so dependent upon use of the popular term “wang” that it would constitute copying of any kind. No amount of digging has uncovered any logic, actually.

No, it’s just funny.

Except the death wish.

That’s just insane.


Thanks for the warning, nonnie.

ETA:Because 107yearoldvirgin isn’t being self-important at all, she needs a whole contest to prove how much she doesn’t own wang or unfairly persecute people who use common terms.

Welcome to the Steal My Fics One Shot Contest!

What the eff is this about? It’s about giving permission to the strealers and the haters; the lovers and the laughers.

So, you want to take a piece of my second-rate ficcing and make it your own? You think you know Don? Wanna steal my ‘Wards?Come on. Everyone else is doing it.

Why not steal a SleepHumper or a Wang? Maybe take one of my One Shots and twist it around. Or use my Manny in a new house? Perhaps you want to have a mysterious photographer who can’t feel? A gay assistant named Ali? This is your chance! You have my blessing to Steal My Fics. Make me laugh and let me see what you’ve got hidden up your plagiarizing sleeves.

We love how easy you make it to like you. But, we also think “Fuck off and choke” was a way better name for this contest.


Does it come as a huge surprise that our first (blog-worthy) submitted twank hails from the ever-masturbatory feathersmmmm? Not to us, it doesn’t.

For the sake of hilarity, let’s rewind back to a simpler time in fandom. The entire TwiFic blog phenomenon was just being born, and with that came Twigasm, which for those of you who may be unfamiliar, was/is an adult-catered Twilight FanFiction podcast. Feathers, who was at the time authoring the RPF love story I Love L.A. (which has since been pulled for publishing and reworked into the masterpiece we know today as The Unidentified Personalities Redhead) was one of the authors involved.

Since Omnific (a controversial, business that takes mediocre, yet popular fanfictions and edits them for the purpose of monopolizing off their guise of original fiction) sprinkled Feathers with the ill-gotten gains of publishdom, the author has become widely known for a long string of incredibly verbose and wanktastic author notes. In fact, like any good twankhard, she seems to love the attention (we know you’re reading, chicken), often transparently making the A/Ns as long as she possibly can, while passive aggressively instigating her critics.

Her most recent A/N defends her use of the endearment “chickens” (duh, it means she fucking loves you, you flock of sanctimonious morons). It also promotes her upcoming sequel to The Unidentified Talent Redhead, which she just knows you’ll buy, because you weren’t bored by the complete lack of characterization in the first one entirely fulfilled by her first, admit it.

But this isn’t where the real twank comes in. We were notified of the activity on her Twitter account this evening, and we had to admit. We were quite amused. While it’s against our rules to post screenshots of private Twitter accounts, we couldn’t resist a little creative re-enactment.

Isn’t it funny when people take things too seriously?

Like whenever mediocre fanfiction authors write a self-insert story about boning Robert Pattinson, and then proceed to dress it up as actual literature once it gains a little steam in the community?


No matter what I do or how I explain myself, some people aren’t going to like me.

True, but it probably helps if we’re not being preached at/told to go fuck ourselves every single A/N.

Is it ever okay for authors to bash another author’s story?

Oh, this is going to get good. Translation: Someone who actually holds some weight in this community was a big fat meanie pants.

I love concrit. I just think it should only be given by critics whose ultimate goal in giving it is to see the author excel.

I’ll remember that next time I go to see an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

On public vs private criticism: If you sling nasty shit, then own up to it, slather your dildos in it, wear it on your dumb faces.

It’s okay to sling shit in public so long as you wear the feces as warpaint. We’re with you.

I have negative opinions on stories, but I never share them in public.

Wait…. what?

We’re too unmotivated to go through your timeline and prove you wrong. (And we would.)

Feel free to flame me.

Don’t worry, we will.

I’m not judging anyone.

No, you’d never do that. You’re too busy “staying classy” and using your very public A/Ns as a tool to attack and incite your critics.