Posts Tagged ‘hypocrisy’


By popular demand in Johnny’s thread (*irony*), we present to you…

The Fic Bridge: Big Name Author Love

Today, we are being positive about Big Name Authors. Why? Because chances are they have felt the heat of hate. They are easy targets and usually are tough to get a rise out of.

Instead of reacting, more often than not, a BNA will power through and keep writing for the readers that are enjoying their stories. Chances are, they jump at the opportunity to participate in charities and pimp other author’s stories.

When I was starting out, I had friendly, sweet help from quite a few well known authors. They answered questions, gave me the time of day, and continued to talk to me even though I am such a disgusting thing on Twitter.

They have set precedents for up and coming authors.

So today, big name authors get a little love.

We were going to make a day where we could just appreciate all authors equally, but the BNAs with 30,000 reviews just don’t get enough support! SR and SnowqueenSomething don’t have even have BIG NAME READERS to write creepy RPFs about them and their genitalia versions of Edward. Hurry! Let’s make them feel fellated and appreciated!

squalloogal wrote: I have turned off PM’s for the time being.

To those who had sent messages – Please wait on word from SR. I don’t know anything helpful to you. If you have copies of UoEM I don’t want them. I don’t want to know and I wish to remind everyone that “University of Edward Masen” is owned and written by the author going by the penname Sebastien Robichaud.

DO NOT DISTRIBUTE COPIES – this is theft.

DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT – I will just swear and call you a FUCKER.

That is all.

***********

Urgh I hate these kinds of posts.

So to cleans the palet…

Something lazy with hopefully some laughs and Something to SAY.

*********

A/N
I do not own Twilight; The University of Edward Masen; Master of the Universe or any other fanfiction stories or characters you may find within.
I am however blessed to call these Authors Friends. So I am not fazed.
Special thanks go to my beloved Beta Jenn who helped make this garbage readable.
This is the tale of a love story across the forums and through the pages of Twilight fanfiction
Above is just a sampling of the love we have shared with our lead characters Snowqueens Icedragon (Icy) and Sebastien Robichaud (SR)
I mean no disrespect. This is an act of love and the usual Squally fuckery.
In Lieu of an awe inspiring update of UoEM and MotU we have in its stead…. this.
Enjoy!

::SRICY a Love Story

Back in the age when fanfic was king there lived a mousy man named Sebastien. He was friends with a dragon called Falcor and a mean but sexy bloke called Sinward.

Sinward was of the tribe of WARDS, of which there were many. All the Wards were hunky, but some of them could kick your ass. Even though Sinward was a fierce guy he was very loyal and a great friend and ally of Sebastien’s.

Sebastien haled from the small village of Uni. Its nearest neighbor was a strange and mysterious place called Bunker. Sebastien heard tales of a beautiful and sassy maiden living in the land of Bunker and chose one day to visit.

As he entered into its royal courts he met a strange and exotic fellow by the name of Fifty. Sebastien thought it such a strange name for a fellow to bear, but said nothing of it. Fifty kind of gave him the creeps.

“What are you doing here? What do you want?” Fifty glared at young Sebastien and made him stutter.

“Um..I um, I’m loo look looking for the beautiful maiden of Bunker.”

“You can’t have her. Be gone you craven little man,” Fifty bellowed. “Even if you could find her, she’d have nothing to do with you. Look at you. ” Fifty stared at Sebastien and as he did he began to chuckle.

“Actually do you know what? I WILL tell you where to find our beauty Icy. She can be found in the midst of Bunker near the fountain of OB.” Fifty laughed harder believing Sebastien to be no threat to his manhood and let him on his way.

Our poor hero was so shaken by his encounter with the domineering Fifty that he looked behind him and pondered on whether he should go back to whence he had come. He was such a brave little Uniman though that with a deep breath he took hold of himself and marched into Bunker with focus.

In the belly of Bunker there could be heard such merriment. Many brazen and barely clothed women were drinking and talking about all manner of unmentionable things. Sebastien looked on in shock.

Who are these women? he thought to himself wondering how such creatures were allowed to mingle in polite society. Yet there in the midst he noticed a flash of long brown locks and the glimpse of a svelte figure.

That was her – he knew it. The beauty. The beauty of Bunker.

Never had he felt so thrilled and so terrified as he did in that moment. Icy, the beauty, turned around in the gaggle of woman and faced in his direction. She was heart stoppingly attractive. All Sebastien’s senses left him and he found his feet leading him closer to her.

When he was but a hares breath away from her he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. She had stolen his very breath with her enchanting whiles. The words of Fifty began to play over in his head. He heard again the laughter of the domineering man echoing through his soul.

Sebastien feeling defeat without saying a single word dropped his head and began to move away. How could a man like him be enough for such a goddess as Icy?

Just as he began to turn to leave her presence he felt her hand gently and tenderly take his. Sebastien looked up into the deep pools of chocolate that seemed to be reaching his very soul.

Icy smiled. “Hello,” she said quietly.

“Hello.” Sebastien being a man of great breeding never forgot his manners, regardless of the situation and circumstance, and began to introduce himself.

“I am Sebastien Robichaud of the land of Uni. You must be Icy of Bunker.”

“What makes you say so?” Icy looked upon him in kindness

“Well, you are the most beautiful lady I have ever set eyes upon” Sebastien blushed at his own bluntness. His face looked like an overcooked lobster. That blood red blush only made Icy’s smile grow. She had never encountered a soul, male or female, that had such little guile. Her heart began to soften greatly towards him.

All at once the gaggling girls surrounding them began to scream and swoon. Both Icy and Sebastien looked around. They had been lost in their not so private moment and were now aware that all the women seemed to be about to pass out. Sebastien looked for the cause of the ruckus when he noticed Fifty approaching him at great speed.

“Step away from her worm. She is mine.”

Icy’s nostrils flared. “I belong to no-one Fifty. How many times must I explain this to you? Just because I spend my weeks with your words and endless stories in my head does NOT make me yours.”

Fifty huffed.

Unbeknownst to Sebastien his good friend Sinward had been worried about his little chum Sebastien and followed him into the land of Bunker, if at a distance. As he came upon the scene in front of him he growled in righteous indignation. How dare this ‘Fifty’ speak to his friend that way.

That was it. He was taking up arms and going to battle. He charged into the throng of gaggling women who, by the way, were fainting and creaming themselves at his very presence and shoved Fifty.

“Back off you overgrown whipping boy,” Sinward huffed.

Fifty was having none of that and began throwing sex toys at Sinward. It was turning into an all out brawl on a scale no fairytale has ever been witness to.

Butt plugs and ben wah balls covered the ground. Sinward had a lovely bullet shaped mark on his forehead that was turning purple at speed while he was trying to strangle Fifty with his bow tie.

Bored of the commotion around them, and while all the woman had taken up various locations and positions sprawled out pleasuring themselves watching the events take place, both Sebastien and Icy snuck away to a quiet place.

They fell in love over time and settled down in the land of Gchat where they whiled away their days playing in Sebastien’s PJ collection and Icy’s bottom drawer.

The land of Fanfinction would always rejoice to have been witness to such awesome fuckery and such passionate love.

THE END {or is it?

This doesn’t have 5 more chapters and videos to go with it. How will all these BNAs know you love them, unless you profess it? Frequently?

What’s this?

You only have 200 reviews?

No one gives a shit about you.

Now, go find someone who’s actually important and tell them how they are LYKE OMG SO AWESUM!

.


(Really, we’re trying to do more general Twilight Fandom crap, but this whole publishing phenomenon has spread worse than a case of herpes, and the hypocrisy is a lollercoaster of amazing.)

This all starts out with a thorough Nonnie Mouse. She sent us a twank on someone else, but we don’t have enough lulz for that yet, so we’re twanking her second suggestion, because Twanker in question just gives us so much material.

We’ll start with the A/N, because doesn’t everything?

5.21.10 I’m posting this here as well, since there have been several people who started the story after the fact, and have sent hateful reviews. After an agonizing process, I made the decision to pull NYA from FFN and Twilighted, because I want to try to publish it. I’ve been told by many with experience that this is the first step, and it should have been done long before now, but I chose to allow my readers to finish the story. I’m really sorry you missed out, but I’ve worked hard to help out those who were in the middle of the story. If you just found it today, please don’t send me hateful reviews. Thanks.

DISCLAIMER: Stephanie Meyer owns any and all things Twilight. The plot belongs to me!

That’s a lot of self-importance, allow us to translate:

*BAWWW BAD REVIEW*

*I’M GOING TO BE LYKE A REEL ARTHUR OMG!*

*MY REVIEWERS TOLD ME I WAS LYKE SO AWESUM*

*STOP HAVING OPINIONS BAWWW*

*MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT*

One wanky A/N for all that wasn’t enough. She added another to the bottom a month or so later.

AN: 7.5.10 A new note thanks to all the messages – some not very kind.

First off, this story was completed on May 2, two months ago. I waited until the reviews had all but stopped coming in before I pulled, and that was on May 21st. I knew there were a few still reading, so I created a temporary, private Live Journal account for those people to finish it. That account was left open for over a month, and I’ve only recently taken it down. Of course, it turns out there were over 100 people still reading, many of whom had never reviewed. It’s very difficult to know who is still following your story when they aren’t telling you about it.

I understand readers frustration with authors pulling, but please don’t take it out on me. I feel I’ve done more than most authors who pull their stories. Some have asked why I even bothered to post this story here if I was going to pull it. The reason is because when I began writing NYA, I had NO idea I would try to publish. I was simply enjoying FF at the time, and wanted to get back into writing because it’s always been something I enjoyed. I didn’t realize until about halfway through that it had the potential (and I’m still not sure it does) and even then it took me quite a while to get the guts to do it. It’s not an easy decision for a writer, and it’s never black and white. I will say that I was advised by several people to pull the story well before it was finished if I had intentions of publishing, but I didn’t want to do that to my readers.

I feel I’ve done the best I could, and at the end of the day, this is my story, and something I need to do for myself.

Secondly, if you’re going to leave an unsigned review with a nasty remark about a story that’s been published for a while, be sure to spell disappointed correctly.

That’s a lot of inaccuracy and reviewer bashing, allow us to translate:

*BAWWW BAD REVIEW*

*BAWWW YOU DIDN’T REVIEW*

*PUBLISHING FANFICKSUN IS SO HARD *

*MY REVIEWERS TOLD ME I WAS LYKE SO AWESUM*

*MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT* *MISGUIDED OWNERSHIP ATTEMPT*

*REVIEWER BASHING* *REVIEWER BASHING* *REVIEWER BASHING*

We don’t want to beat any decaying equine-centric corpses, but if we did, we’d probably just link these again. But then again, we wouldn’t even have to, because the author, EBalways, has already read our blog. We bet that went well!

Just to show we twank all sides, all the time, EBalways had a few laughs over the RPL twank.

But then, we guess she caught of wind our whole stealing is stealing, even when you’re stealing by means of publishing fanfiction theme.

Then, we guess she caught wind of our whole links with facts which prove you can’t publish fanfiction thing.

And we weren’t really funny anymore.

='(

So she’s going to ignore the law opinions of others, because it can’t just be that she might be wrong. No. The entirety of fandom and copyright law must be wrong (unless we’re mocking other plagiarists). JUST LOOK AT RUSSET NOON!

Right.

To tie it all in a bow, she even has a blog, where she documents the long, windy path she must endure to search/replace the names and places edit the plagiarism story into a marketable masterpiece. This same blog boasts the twanktastic long-winded self discussion about her own stories, constructed criticism vs nitpicking/bawwww, and of course, the popular girls of fandom whose ginormous EGOS are holding us all down rant.

That sounds fun! Let’s quote this one!

Egos seem to flare when a fic becomes uber popular, and everyone in the fandom is flailing over the writer. I don’t get it; you just wrote a story using someone elses characters. You didn’t create world peace or solve the homeless problem. You wrote story that’s easy to read and loaded with sex. Good on you…

Which is definitely not the same as posting fanfiction without the intention of publishing, but then pulling it and attempting to do so once it’s gotten 5,800 reviews. Uh huh.

…I’ll complain about readers, too.

We never saw that coming.

I’ve not had too much of a problem as far as pulling NYA, but I’ve seen sites discussing how wrong it is to pull fan fiction and try to turn it into original work. Really? Why? Because you can’t read it for free?

Well… we we’re going to say because it’s unethical and not legal, but that’s about the same thing, in a roundabout way.

I’m sure only about 1% of the fics that get pulled for publishing go anywhere, but the people complaining about it don’t seem to realize what it takes to write a story.

Hey now. That offends us. We can make grammatically incorrect porn with “Edward/Bella” names too. That’s how SM got started, you know. She posted Twilight online first to use someone else’s audience as a guinea pig too. We all know what it takes to write a real story here.

ETA: FLOUNCITY FLOUNCE FLOUNCE

From her FFn profile

Due to unforeseen issues, I have to leave the Twific community. Thanks to all who have supported me throughout my experience, and I’m truly sorry to all those reading. I don’t like disappointing anyone. There is so much going on in my life, and I’m just not able to keep up with fan fiction any more. This was a tough decision, and I ultimately had to decide what was best for myself. Take care, and please remember to have fun with fan fic. That was the intent all along.

She buhleted her Blogger, took her ball and went home. Never mind that she promised all the readers she was complaining about that she would definitely complete The Hostage and not pull it.

.


I think SR pulled a major twank by pulling the fic down between the final chapter and the epi. SR did it with NO explanation or even acknowledgment on the ffn profile or epi a/n, an acknowledgment but no explanation given at all as to why it was pulled down (minus a reference to disappointment about the bit torrent the week before) in the twilighted thread

Well if we can twank Olivia for it, then why not our good man-pal SR? At least Olivia fessed up and aired out her publishing-fantasies. SR would rather beat around that particular bush (you’re about as transparent as saran wrap, man) with a quite convenient (alleged) plagiary tantrum.

His Fanfiction.net profile reads like your usual spiel of self-importance:

No translations of UOEM have been authorized. No downloading, copying, reposting or distribution of this story have been authorized, either, regardless of the source.

As do his Author Notes:

Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story are owned by Sebastien Robichaud and copyrighted, as of 2009. Plagiarism is theft and is treated as such in many different countries. Translations of UOEM have not been authorized, nor has any downloading, copying, reposting on other websites or distribution of this story, regardless of the source.

And it wouldn’t be complete without his very own domain name, http://www.sebastienrobichaud.com/, and blog to further reach his masses. All of this screams “E-G-O” to us, but does it really come as a big surprise? Especially with such recent forum comments as these:

Laughs…while I have heard from him with reviews and Pm’s the only post he responded to from me here was recently when I posted my Twilight band-aids so it wasn’t actually to me…oh he did wish me a happy birthday in an AN and called me a “cherished reader” which made me melt, and I like how he calls us “miss”, muses, ladies and today Lovelies!

And don’t forget (as if she’d let you) that he has the fandom’s first and only Big Named Reader (yes, BNR, it exists now) on his team. Of course, you haven’t made it big in this fandom until squalloogal mortifies you showers you with redundantly fannish and blind praise. Every big author needs a sycophant cheerleader to build them mega-FGB teams and turn something like a humble charity into a laughable competition of Twilight fanfiction author egos. She’s flounced deleted that Twitter, so while we can’t provide the hilarity of screenshots for that particular twank, we’ll just leave you with this: the weird emotional devastation she displayed when being cyber-bullied during FGB on that same twitter account earlier this year:

I use to be a tough girl who could handle anything. Really sassy and brassy. After I was attacked that girl died. I no longer have the coping mechanisms to deal with this constant assault. I am sorry.

For those who have judged me.

I forgave those that changed my life that night. I live with those scars physically and emotionally everyday but I wish them NO ill will. I forgave them.

For those doing what your doing. I forgive you too but I just can’t cope.

We love a good, dramatic overreaction. Nonnie from earlier today said it best:

We can follow that up with the dramatic entrances and exits from Twi-World. She’s had more comings and goings than Paris and Lindsay combined.
The drama of ‘blocking’ and ‘unblocking’ twitter users, the big epic posts on the UoEM/MoTU forum about why she is leaving, the big epic posts from her supporters about why this is a disaster, the supporting posts from the writers about how terrible it is to lose someone like Squally.
Squally leaving the fandom for a few weeks is guaranteed to result in a few hundred posts on a Twilighted forum. It’s all about the drama.

But… moving on…

So while there are emotionally-unstable-fangirls aplenty just waiting for the moment to strike their mighty insanity down upon any who would cause their beloved Edward SR harm, we had to wonder. Is this guy for real? Not in a does he really have bits dangling between his legs kind of way, because we could really care less what his gender is. But really. Is he for real?

Did he really pull UoEM because of this whole bit torrent fiasco? Or is he just jerking his faithful readers along until it’s announced that he wants their money support in an upcoming publishing endeavor?

Since this can neither be confirmed or denied, we figured we’d just wait it out until something juicy and incriminating came along.

Enter, Nonnie.

Why do we love Nonnies? Because they can singlehandedly sift through the shit heap known as The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud’s Twilighted thread and come out with the best quotes. We’d do it ourselves, but we’re just too fond of our brain cells and individualism to plunder through 5,038 pages of blind admiration and borderline disturbing flirtation.

Posted by SebastienRobichaud on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:03 pm

I’m afriad it’s inevitable. There’s almost no way to control who uploads the story and disseminates it, not to mention who translates it.
The only way to truly address the issue is to sue the bastards who steal the work.

Unfortunately, it’s the best and most popular stories that are stolen.
But no, I’m not about to pull the story. I know this is not a novel that could be published in its own right anyway; it’s given me the confidence to think I could write a novel and send it to a literary agent. So for me, plagiarized or not, it’s already served its purpose.
But that’s too bad about the stories that were pulled already.

SR

Posted by SebastienRobichaud on Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:06 am

…there will be no LOMAH.
Barring an unforeseen disaster or (God forbid) my untimely demise, I will finish the story and post it. Period.
Plagiarism won’t scare me off; I have friends who are Sicilian.

Posted by SebastienRobichaud on Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:09 pm

Hello Stephk,
You’re welcome.
Once I started the story, there was no way I was going to pull it.
I think that would be unethical.

Posted by SebastienRobichaud on Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:40 pm

Yes, I promise all of the answers will be answered.
Even if I need an epilogue and an appendix numerically listed in order to do so.
And as I said earlier to someone, I’m not pulling the story.
Never.
I knew when I began it that in so doing I was obligated 1) to finish it in a timely manner and 2) never to pull it even if it is stolen/plagiarized
no ITLOMAH for me or my readers.
SR

Hypocrisy tag says: “Too easy.”

So now we get SR’s game. It’s all very obvious to us. It’s unethical and wrong to pull a story for something as silly as plagiarism, unless it gets really illogically popular (and some crooked archive offers to give you money for the rights to the PDF).

Quick! How many languages can we say “sell out” in?

I also wonder if this snippet from his profile will grace the jacket PDF notes:

Throughout the course of the story classical literature, music and art from Western culture will be referenced. No prior knowledge of any of these elements is required. But if one desires to travel more deeply into the heart of the labyrinth, these sources will provide clues to the successive mysteries contained in the story.

We hate to spoil it for you, but…

EDWARD’S EVEN MORE MISOGYNISTIC WITHOUT THE COOL TWILIGHT NAME ATTACHED TO GIVE US REFLECTIVE CONTEXT.

Just saying.

ETA: Some lulzy review twank

From FanFiction.net reviewer dottiez123
2010-07-19 on chapter 40 of The University of Edward Masen

I love being the basis for a character (“Amanda L’Union”).

But you do have a few inconsistencies with the characterization:

1) I’m a literature professor at a major US university;

2) many of your readers attend (or have attended) community colleges, so it’s rather impressive that you’re INSULTING YOUR READERS BY INSINUATING THEIR EDUCATIONAL ROUTES ARE SOMEHOW SUBSTANDARD TO YOUR OWN;

3) if you had any knowledge of community colleges, you would know that they’re often alternatives for high-achieving students who don’t have adequate funds to attend a college or university;

4) most community colleges are staffed solely by PhDs (something you lack); and

5) most community colleges pay better than many private colleges and universities (I know this as the daughter of a retired community college professor).

It’s clear that I intimidate you tremendously, as evidenced by basing a character off of me and using the EXACT words I used in an earlier review, just to cite two examples.

Your story is utter nonsense, and your writing is stilted indulgent. And shame on you for blocking reviews from my original account. It’s clear you cannot take criticism. DO YOU BLOCK ALL REVIEWERS WHO SAY SOMETHING NOT TO YOUR LIKING? Tsk, tsk.’

From Twilighted forum post:

Re: The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud
by Sebastien Robichaud on Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:41 pm
Forum: Alternate Universe – Human
Topic: The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud Replies: 50399 Views: 475933

Dear Everyone,

Thanks for reading and posting your theories. I’m going to try to post a teaser early Tuesday …

Those of you who were in on the whole beret episode will be surprised to learn that the reader who trashed my beret as effete pretension is still reading UOEM …. 5 chapters later.

In fact, in reviewing this chapter, she huffed that I should at least ask her permission before quoting one of her reviews.

Sorry if this seems small of me, but her review (and the fact that after pronouncing UOEM as rubbish she is STILL reading it) made me laugh.

So of course, I had to share the humour with you all. And post a few smileys … :lol: :geek:

We’re glad to see SR has such an amazing sense of humor, because creating villains as a form of fan-fic revenge against reviewers is pretty high up there in OMG WTF GET OVER YOURSELF.

.


Here at Twankhard, we love our nonnies. They always send us the very best self-entitlement.

…the author thinks it is reasonable to pull her stories because recently there was a torrent being passed around which made epub files available to the public. Some of the sites the torrent were hosted on were a little suspect I guess, but mostly, it was just a torrent. We pirate movies and music and programs. I can’t wait to see Rob throw his hands in the air and flounce acting because his movies are being illegally shared online. Screenshots attached. The Twitter is public (for now). Not sure about the Twilighted forum post. Up to you.

Yes, I think we saw this with Sebastian Robitard recently. Someone steals someone else’s work, so someone else comes up with the brilliant plan of pulling the entire story, so that no proof of “I published first, see?” can ever be found. C-L-E-V-E-R.

(We’re being sarcastic.)

Usually, all of us here at Twankhard would see this as a thinly veiled excuse to pull for publishing.

Enter, Oliviamk1218.

Her story is one of 153 included in the torrent. It doesn’t seem to matter that her penname is given credit in the file, or even that the creator probably shared the files out of love for the stories included, and no malice at all.

No, whoever this person is that put Olivia’s stories into that torrent has RUINED HER LIFE. Don’t believe us?

Regardless, we’re glad to see Olivia that didn’t completely overreact or anything. That would have been funny and ridiculous on so many levels.




*crickets*

We’re torn, TwiFandom. We want to point and laugh, and knock Olivia off her misguided pedestal, but we feel a little sorry for the girl. Her heart? Broken. Her trust? Betrayed. An abundance of her writerly pride? A Twilight Fanfiction. Yes, there is definite pity, but one of us was wondering…

Okay, but is this story… copyrighted… or is it like… “copyrighted“?

So… who wants to be the first clue Olivia into the workings of the publishing industry? Because we’re pretty sure no publisher (we mean real publishers) would touch a formerly posted Twilight Fanfiction with a 20 foot sparkling vampire dick, regardless of the copyright that was filed.

Okay, so wait. Has this copyright been… filed… or has it been like… “filed“?

We’ll never care know. What we do know is that Olivia is so very misinformed. And that makes us feel amused badly. Authors can’t post copyrighted material on Fanfiction.net, and they can’t copyright material that’s already been posted on fanfiction.net. Because it is FANFICTION.net. We mean… they “can”, but they… can’t.

It’s a good thing that Olivia is remaining loyal and respectful to her readers. Obviously she’s going to need their money support whenever her fanfiction becomes Cinderella’d into the world of real life literature. It’d be a little shitty to insert the stereotypical “You shouldn’t be passing around others’ free and publicly available story (unless it’s a link to the free and publicly available story)” tirade to people who just responded positively to her “test”.

And…. GO!

(ETA: The ad at the top of this screenshot. Just…. this ad. That’s all.)

We just feel bad for you, Olivia. You were right to pull your stories. You would be even more right to never again use someone else’s audience as guinea pigs for your own experiments and expect them to respect a dubious copyright. And this?:

…is maybe how you should be approaching fanfiction from now on. But I suppose all of us here at Twankhard just feel lucky Olivia didn’t kick it up a notch and start threatening fake legal action against her faithful guinea pigs readers.

Ouch. Aren’t you taking everything a little too seriously, Olivia? Stephenie Meyer lets you “test” the success/profitability of your own plots with the very characters she created, and even she’s not taking legal action (though she probably should). It’s almost like you can’t make it on your own based 100% off your own merit.

Hypocrisy tag! Score!

.


We knew this one was going to come eventually. For months, InstantKarmaGirl‘s sadomasochistic epic, Just Wait has been the center of controversy. With such gratuitously exploited themes as diabetes, child sexual abuse, religious fanaticism, gang rape, sexual promiscuity, child neglect, drug abuse, depression, self mutilation, and more recently, mental handicaps (we could go on and on), the uproar has been understandably intense.

It must really suck ball to be IKG right now.

With all of this contention and misplaced popularity, it’s no surprise that she has big plans to revisit this (alleged) heap of crap and market it as something worthy of being purchased.

First, JW is being published in a series of books. I know some people will be shocked and horrified and have nothing but negative things to say, while others will be happy and supportive. Both are valid reactions. I’m sure Twitter will be abuzz…

Shocked? No. Horrified? Let’s not flatter ourselves. Nothing but negative things to say? Yeah, you really hit the ball into our court with this, we must admit.

And it wouldn’t be a full-on twankfest until IKG announces her plans to pull the story in October (All of us here at Twankhard are oh so very mournful).

While IKG and Just Wait are easy targets, we thought we might take some time to look into the “publishers” of this “story.” Isn’t the owner of any profit-making endeavor responsible for the quality of their product? Or maybe even the moral dilemma of knowing for a fact that the only individuals who’ll be purchasing this “series” are IKG’s longtime fandom supporters. That wouldn’t be taking advantage of them at all. Not for the gain of a third party. No. Nor would they have to deal with consequences of knowing that the use of SM’s characters in the fanfiction incarnation is the only contribution that might make the series profitable in the first place.

Taken from the TWCS Publishing House website:

Authors need an original idea. We discourage copying and pasting from a FanFiction story.  Meaning, taking out aspects from within other fictional works and/or Fandoms and replacing them with different names, places, etc. Remember you first audience is your original FanFiction readers, and they will want to read new works rather than recycled ones.

They can’t be completely moronic, since they publicly recognize the crookedness of transforming fanfiction into something masquerading as original fiction. But then it seems as though they’re participating in the very thievery they denounce, so I suppose we can add the “hypocrisy” tag to this blog post now. Score.

The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House  is also allegedly publishing another controversial fanfiction, The Perfect Wife, which boasts such gratuitously exploited themes as incest, sexual abuse, misogyny, child abuse, rape, gang rape, drug and alcohol abuse, sex trafficking, etc etc etc etc (we see a pattern here).

According to their website:

Ebooks is a fairly new way to publish. We would like to concentrate on this area as there are not many good novels currently available in this format. We believe we can change that. We will still offer printed books, however our focus is ebooks at present. Our first books in print will be in October 2010.

So… okay, it’s not like we approached this news as legitimate “publishing” in the first place, but since they’re basically just making the most horrific Twilight fanfics in existence into PDF files and slapping a price on them, we figure it not only makes them wrongful crooked thieves, but cheap wrongful crooked thieves, amirite? The tags just keep growing and growing.

But since the author of The Perfect Wife (which we refuse to link on grounds of… being sane) had plans of seeing her name grace the cover screen of a newly minted PDF file this summer, and Twankhard has heard nothing of it’s book PDF release (and we would), we can only assume that TWCS has either gotten smart cold feet, or that they’re actually Thieving Wrongful Crooked Slackers.

The acronyms don’t lie.

.


Does it come as a huge surprise that our first (blog-worthy) submitted twank hails from the ever-masturbatory feathersmmmm? Not to us, it doesn’t.

For the sake of hilarity, let’s rewind back to a simpler time in fandom. The entire TwiFic blog phenomenon was just being born, and with that came Twigasm, which for those of you who may be unfamiliar, was/is an adult-catered Twilight FanFiction podcast. Feathers, who was at the time authoring the RPF love story I Love L.A. (which has since been pulled for publishing and reworked into the masterpiece we know today as The Unidentified Personalities Redhead) was one of the authors involved.

Since Omnific (a controversial, Twilighted.net business that takes mediocre, yet popular fanfictions and edits them for the purpose of monopolizing off their guise of original fiction) sprinkled Feathers with the ill-gotten gains of publishdom, the author has become widely known for a long string of incredibly verbose and wanktastic author notes. In fact, like any good twankhard, she seems to love the attention (we know you’re reading, chicken), often transparently making the A/Ns as long as she possibly can, while passive aggressively instigating her critics.

Her most recent A/N defends her use of the endearment “chickens” (duh, it means she fucking loves you, you flock of sanctimonious morons). It also promotes her upcoming sequel to The Unidentified Talent Redhead, which she just knows you’ll buy, because you weren’t bored by the complete lack of characterization in the first one entirely fulfilled by her first, admit it.

But this isn’t where the real twank comes in. We were notified of the activity on her Twitter account this evening, and we had to admit. We were quite amused. While it’s against our rules to post screenshots of private Twitter accounts, we couldn’t resist a little creative re-enactment.

Isn’t it funny when people take things too seriously?

Like whenever mediocre fanfiction authors write a self-insert story about boning Robert Pattinson, and then proceed to dress it up as actual literature once it gains a little steam in the community?

Yes.

No matter what I do or how I explain myself, some people aren’t going to like me.

True, but it probably helps if we’re not being preached at/told to go fuck ourselves every single A/N.

Is it ever okay for authors to bash another author’s story?

Oh, this is going to get good. Translation: Someone who actually holds some weight in this community was a big fat meanie pants.

I love concrit. I just think it should only be given by critics whose ultimate goal in giving it is to see the author excel.

I’ll remember that next time I go to see an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

On public vs private criticism: If you sling nasty shit, then own up to it, slather your dildos in it, wear it on your dumb faces.

It’s okay to sling shit in public so long as you wear the feces as warpaint. We’re with you.

I have negative opinions on stories, but I never share them in public.

Wait…. what?

We’re too unmotivated to go through your timeline and prove you wrong. (And we would.)

Feel free to flame me.

Don’t worry, we will.

I’m not judging anyone.

No, you’d never do that. You’re too busy “staying classy” and using your very public A/Ns as a tool to attack and incite your critics.

.


Our very first twank is…

Well, ourselves, of course.

Three fandom lurkers watching from the sidelines and lulzing about how serious Twilight fandom has taken themselves making a blog to further perpetuate the theory that members of the Twilight community desperately need lives… is the epitome of wank.

Yes, we are twanking. No, we have no lives. Yes, egos amuse us. No, we don’t care.

Bring Us Twanks!