Posts Tagged ‘What does Morgan Locklear write?’


It’s been a quiet weekend in twankland, but a few Nonnies starting rolling in tonight. One sent us something we weren’t certain qualified.

On a previous Twank for SR or ICY, a lot was brought up on MoG (Morgan Locklear). He writes a story called Bella Voce, vamp fic, that just isn’t that great tbh. I have attached a pic of his most recent twitter feed, trying to get a known fandom lady to read his story. She does not like to read 3rd person, and is a rare occasion when she does. His story is…..3rd person.

Some people just don’t have preferences for certain things. Most authors would shrug this off with a “to each their own.”

Or you could just badger them repeatedly until they submit to the fact that YOUR story will convert them:

When the reader asks what novel-quality third POV fics come to mind for Morgan, he declares:

WHAT AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF MODESTY! How honored those other two (suckier) authors must feel to be almost as good as Morgan.

His website, where he bounces back and forth between referring to himself in first and third person.

He realizes people are afraid to get invested in WIP fics, so he promotes, “Okay, here’s the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/~ Bella Voce is well crafted and well completed.”

Reminds his readers thatIt has come to my attention that there are many people who won’t even start a story unless it is complete.” Urges them: “So if you find yourself talking about Bella Voce you might want to include that fact. Thanks for all the traffic this week.”

In the same vein, says this of his own story:

*wank* *wank* *wank*

Loving himself raw there.

Sings and records songs for his own story.

Is the one responsible for getting husbands into fic by “having a dood friendly story that is also appealing to the ladies.”

Not to pimp my own work, but as I writer, I have my characters ask questions and it leads the story down better paths.

Just in case you missed his other gazillion self-promotions…

Then there’s this, posted on the discussion thread made for him on Twilighted for Bella Voce:

Let me make one thing perfectly clear…on this thread I will personally run off anyone who uses this place to do anything except celebrating the fandom and it’s accomplishments.

At least he’s honest about the “affirmations only go here” thing.

Twankas arejust jealous.”

Pushes another reader to make him a promotional video, even though she’s short on time, in exchange for retweets and him reading her story.

ZOMGZ my mention on Twankhard got me 100 readers!

And here, we thought it was because, as you yourself boast, your story is so “well crafted” and “has a poetic style that celebrates a classic kind of story telling without being dense” and “a defined wit that will give you giggles and even Belly laughs combined with a kick ass old school vampire approach.”

Did we mention that we love it when wankers review their own stories?

Because we do.

ETA: Arrogance is not a crime!

ETA2: “you think of my pee pee [sic] when you masturbate.”

https://twankhard.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/this-is-the-pit-and-i-am-the-conductor/#comment-2431

ETA3: MY THOUSANDS OF RAVING REVIEWS DON’T LIE

All four people who said they couldn’t complete it have my apologies, I write at an above third grade level so I can understand your confusion.

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Twank happens in the UoEM thread, Nonnies flood our inbox, we sift through it to find the lulz.

The general tl;dr gist of this is:

  • SR makes a few brief posts (he’s been MIA for a long while) that have something to do with spreading goodness and charity. Got a lot of people to volunteer to do all the work. Denounced all the negativity rippling through fandom. Suggests he not be terribly closely tied to the fundraiser, as blind hatred for his name alone will sully it. Made no mention of UoEM specifically.
  • Maybebymonday decides, since SR is around, it might be a good time to finally get an answer as to why he pulled the story.
  • Isabeausink replies begging The Muses to ignore MBM, laces her post with the most pretentious/condescending vernacular to ever grace Twilighted.
  • After the thread diligently ignores MBM for a dozen or more posts, MBM replies to Isa that she only needs SR to reply, anyway.
  • Mostly A Lurker replies to MBM, explaining that it is an open forum, so she is inviting response from anyone except when the thread is told to ignore her. Maybe she should visit SR’s official website?
  • MBM replies stating that she is only interested in a response from SR, but given the mystery surrounding the story’s disappearance, it seems valid to post it in a public forum where others might also have questions.
  • Zoe123 pops in with a big GUUURRLLLL OH NO YOU DI-IN’T since MBM referred to SR as a “she.”  Also this overdramatic nonsense: “who are you to ask with such a sinister attitude against him and all of us
  • Chriserlyn makes a post suggesting that there is a conspiracy! MBM is trying to provoke The Muses so as to gain merit to report false accusations to the mods.
  • boricua_smv: “Wise words, my dear Gardenia. Sloretinis anyone?
  • More general agreement
  • MBM is all “WTF?”
  • HNWhitlock200 makes EMPHATIC ALL CAPS REPLY IN TEAL: “SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” MBM has clearly ruined her entire day.
  • Morgan Locklear: “First, let’s not pretend that MBM ‘s question isn’t valid. But her problem is that she’s rude, plain and simple, she’s been chasing budding posters off this thread for ages, (even a mostly blind lurker can see that.)How insulting to think that SR wouldn’t answer all our questions when he can.” Only he hasn’t. “Madam, you are surprisingly aggressive for someone who is attached to a non bullying campaign starting today.” She then tells MBM how to properly make an inquiry to our dear, fragile SR.
  • General agreement with Morgan in the form of “POSITIVITY ONLY DAY!” and “YOU HAVE BALLS, LIKE SR!” and “YOU WERE SO MUCH NICER THAN I WOULD HAVE BEEN!”
  • *MOB MENTALITY* *MOB MENTALITY* *MOB MENTALITY*
  • MBM is all “Oh, so this is why no one likes you people.”
  • WritingBabe makes a particularly lulzy teal deer post in which she recounts a story of being bullied as a child and likens MBM’s antics to that of her oldendays aggressors. “MBM, you may feel a victim, but you’re behaving like an aggressor. and your persistence leads me to tell you that you are on a destructive path. Destructive to others, but also destructive to yourself. Even if you relish the idea of hurting people you believe have somehow wronged you, you are setting patterns of behavior that will never help you thrive.
  • *SYMPATHY* *SYMPATHY* *SYMPATHY* WE WERE BULLIED, TOO!
  • Morgan Locklear: “If you would like to avoid further embarrassment at having your flimsy posts dismantled you may address me privately. But since it is the attention you seek, I won’t hold my breath.
  • MariaVisconti: “SR, thank you for your leadership. You’ve set a precedent on how to address negativity and hatred…. Do something Good! We may not be able to control all the evil in the world but we can , by helping others, stop our hearts from becoming hard, closed off, bitter, and most terrifying….faithless.
  • Twankhard reminds you that SR has made no appearance since MBM’s post.
  • Strange thread-wide “Book Club Meeting” in which they compare UoEM to the classic Jane Eyre.
  • Charlotte Bronte rolls over in her grave.
  • Morgan Locklear: “Jane Eyre, chapter 4, “November, December, and half of January passed away.” Anyone else think of New Moon?
  • Charlotte Bronte rolls over in her grave again.
  • Monamour finally clears up the charity thing: “SR and others are putting together an outtake book raising money for charity in Trayce’s honor as a show of the goodness in the fandom.
  • Twilighted Mod finally comes on to remind them that SR rules even Twilighted with his ginormous group of followers who give them traffic to be nice.

We’d like to point out that we’ve seen far worse mob mentality on Twilighted. On this specific thread even. As notorious as the mob mentality is around there, and since MBM has experienced it first hand herself, we can’t really argue that she didn’t make the post expecting a reaction and hoping it’d be worse.

But it is lulzy, if not for the Jane Eyre comparisons alone.

All the posts are hidden from font page. Click to read them in all their teal deer glory.

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