I’m a firm believer in kicking a man when he’s down, beating a dead horse, and above all, trying to convince the fandom that publishing with Omnific, and TWCS Publishing house is better than just going to Amazon and cutting out the middle man.

From chapter 1 of  Lindseyfair’s Bring Me To Life.

May 8th, 2010

It pains me in many ways to have to do this, but I am removing all but the first chapter of “Bring Me to Life”. As some of you might know, I have been working on an original version for some time now. I have finally found a publisher and I’m getting ready to send it off shortly after I post this note. I hate to do this because this story is still getting reviews and favorite alerts daily. I apologize to those of you who were unable to read this story completely.

If you keep this story on alert, I will be posting notes as the publish date gets closer. You will also be able to keep up to date on my web site, lindseygray.webs.com (broken link)

Now, after thinking some, we realized that perhaps there is still confusion (how? idk idk)…so we decided to go to the expert–Google:

Question: What is FanFic?

Answer: Fan Fiction (FanFic) is a genre of amateur creative expression that features characters from movies, TV shows, and popular culture in new situations or adventures.

The vast majority of these stories and poems are written by fans with no commercial interest to disseminate their work over the Internet, email lists, or newsgroups…

Now wait–maybe I misunderstood!  Could it be that the expert’s on fanfic have it wrong?

“…Regardless of whether FanFic authors are really fans, owners of original works often do not look favorably upon these works. In response, the owners of the rights often try to stop the creation of FanFic through cease and desist letters and the threat of lawsuit.”

Hmmm…but what about…

Question: What kinds of things are copyrighted?

Answer: In order for a work to be protected by copyright, it must be an original creation set in a fixed medium.

An artist or author does not have a copyright in material borrowed from someone else. Also, stock characters (the sidekick) or plot lines (boy meets girl) are not copyrightable.

But enough about the dead horse…  Publishing can be hard work:

There’s also this (from chapter 1 A/N):

“It looks like I might also be attending the Twilight Convention in Dallas this November as part of this publishing house’s first authors. I would love to meet any of you who will be attending. I will hopefully be able to let you know the release date for my other novel by then.”

Because all books produced by this “publishing house” are so original and not in any way shape or form tied to Twilight that they’re piggybacking off the franchise’s convention.

Okay.

We don’t even know what to do with the fact that she’s announcing that she’ll be at Dallas Twi-con…well, except to show you this post from her blog- just in case you aren’t sure of where she will be and her availability…

Hey all!

As the date creeps near, I will be available for interviews and personal appearances. If you or anyone you know would be interested, please contact my marketing agent, Shae. She can be reached at (714)989-6564 or Shae@thewriterscoffeeshop.com.

This is such an exciting time for me and I hope that you all will be this excited after you read the book. I look forward to discussing it with you all.

And in an unrelated twank that we’re just tossing in here because we can, HappyWanderer’s Bad Press was recently pulled:

They say that imitation is the finest form of flattery; but in the case of plagiarism, I don’t believe this to be true. In recent weeks, there have been a couple of cases of “Bad Press” being hijacked by plagiarizing authors on different websites. (Thank you, once again, to the faithful readers that alerted me to this fact. You know who you are.) With the ultimate goal of publishing this story professionally, I’ve decided to copyright my chapters sooner than expected. As a result, I’m forced to pull my story from fanfiction.I’m aware that most of you will be displeased with me and my decision. I only hope that the artist within each of you will understand where I’m coming from as I circle the wagons and protect my writing.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

HW

PS: If the thieving bastards are reading this, I hope you’re happy and know that I’m coming for you with everything I have. Be afraid.

Be afraid, you thieving bastards!

.


Twelve twank reports in thirty minutes. It can only mean another round of PULL THAT FIC AND SELL IT!

ekimmuh, author of Finding Bella decided to pull it from FFn in light of the recent pulled/completed fic database (which didn’t even include her story).

From Finding Bella (the only chapter left up), her blog, and a Twilighted.net forum post:

It was brought to my attention tonight that some members of the fandom who are not happy about some of the fanfiction authors publishing their stories have taken it upon themselves to compile a list of fics and put them into a database for everyone to access who wants to. This makes publishing a story that one has written and posted on the fandom extremely difficult. It is sad that these individuals feel that they have the right from the author to take the story they’ve created to a larger readership, but that is exactly what is happening. We all share our writing on the fandom for free, but that does not mean that if we find our work to be ‘good enough’ we would not want to try and publish it and make money from it. We all put a lot of time and effort into these stories.

Our C&P links to all those websites confirming how ILLEGAL that is have begged us to give them a vacation, so we won’t bother.

So, it is with a sad heart that I have removed Finding Bella. Given that I have announced that I am publishing a novel (not Finding Bella), I feel that I, and my story will soon be targeted by this group. Believe me when I say that I do this with great sadness. I know that Finding Bella has a huge following in the fandom and that it will be missed.

That’s a lot of self-importance. Allow us to translate.

*WANK* *WANK* *WANK*

With that said, I want to assure you that you all will get your ended. Unfortunately, due to what is going on, you are now going to wait until the story is published. It will be a series of books instead of one and I am hoping to have the first one out, if all goes well, sometime next year.

At first, we thought this meant she was publishing Finding Bella, even though she just said the paragraph before that she wasn’t, but truthfully, her blog post was so poorly written that we’re not even sure what she means. Since she spends many words defending her copyrights, we’re going to tentatively assume she intends to publish her fanfickshun.

I will not be disappearing from the fandom, and I will probably still write here although I will most likely be sticking to cannon or AU stories from now on.

We’ll all just be jumping to read that, since you treated your HUGE FOLLOWING with such obvious respect with your last story.

I am asking that if you do have a copy of Finding Bella saved on your hard drive that you do not share it. Many of you will not be happy with my decision, but I do hope you understand. This is personal. Whether or not an author used the Twilight characters as a jumping board or not write their story, it is still their story and belongs to them. I ask my readers to please respect that and not help add to this.

In response to a reply on her blog post:

Charmie,

No. This is not selfless. I put a lot of time and energy into this story and if I would like to publish it one of these days then that is something I feel is perfectly within my rights to do as it has nothing to do with Twilight. Putting it on the blog or another site would not protect it from being stolen. The only option was to take it down, which is what I have done.

Insert the same 10 or 20 links to copyright law here.

Just no.

Her Twitter and blog suggest that she’s in support of TWCS, who we twanked last month for basically being thieves. They’re also the “publishing house” that’s about to market such treasures as Just Wait and The Perfect Wife, whose author is about to have some kind of big reveal in the next eight days, idk idk. It’s not a big leap to assume she plans to submit Finding Bella to them as well, if they haven’t already agreed to steal her HUGE FOLLOWING’s money publish it already.

That’s just speculation though. It’s possible she’s going to a real life publisher to query her fanfickshun, but since she recently made an entire blog post whining about Twilighted beta feedback, we don’t think she’s up for all that.

Twilighted is a privately owned site and the administrators have the right to run it as they see fit, however, as the author I have issues with being asked to change my story.

.


Warning! This twank doesn’t come with brain bleach.

rubber-duckies-1234 has an interesting little story by the title of Daddy’s favourite girl, which features an incestuous/pedophilia/omgthisissogross mature relationship between Charlie and Bella. Our first instinct was to just run very far away, but others have been reporting this story to FFn for violation of the ToS.

But we can’t understand why they would. Like rubber-duckies says again and again:

I put up a warning that there was going to be incest. So please don’t review or if you don’t like it, or if your disgusted by it, I mean why review a story and tell me it’s sick. I know it’s sick and twisted but everyone has different opinion and there is a plot for this story.

Rated M for mature themes and incest.

You’ve all been warned! We don’t know about you, but whenever we see something offensive, disgusting,  repulsive, immoral, scary, etc and so on, we just ignore it. That’s why whenever we see suspicious men on playgrounds with their hands in their pants, we walk the other way instead of causing a scene, amirite?

A/N: No rude reviews please and vote on my poll!

The readers have been warned that the story is sick, twisted, and incestuous, and instructed to only leave nice reviews.

ENTER: THE RUDE REVIEWS!

Okay everyone, don’t be mad because I know that I promise there won’t be another AN. I have some bad news and good news.

Bad news:

People have been reporting this story saying it’s sick and disgusting. I put up a warning that there was going to be incest. So please don’t review or if you don’t like it, or if your disgusted by it, I mean why review a story and tell me it’s sick. I know it’s sick and twisted but everyone has different opinion. I don’t know if this story is going to be deleted or not.

And remember it is Fanfiction “Unleash you imagination.” That is the quote for the FF. Just saying.

She seems so familiar with Fanfiction.net’s slogan. We wish they’d add to that “…if you’ve read the ToS.” (Which she obviously hasn’t)

She also lists in her last chapter every (good) reviewer, story alerter, and story favorite’er, because that’s something everyone wants to be closely associated with.

Also an Evil Twin wank from her FFn profile, just because it made us lawl:

Sorry for those of you that gotten hate messages from me, I lent my brother my laptop and forgot to sign out of FF because I just made an account and my brother went on, so I am so sorry for the trouble I caused.

.


Nonnie blesses our inbox with something truly twank worthy.

We’re not going to go into the specifics of what a good review is, but why would we, when mac214 has already done the homework for us? In her blog entry titled, The Lost Art of Constructive Criticism, mac teaches us what an acceptable review is. AND HER BLOG IS WEARING OUR DRESS, BUT ASIDE FROM THAT… According to her,

The art of constructive criticism seems to be lost on those in the fandom who consider themselves qualified enough to leave it. Most of the time it seems designed to make the writer feel like shit instead of genuinely helping them improve their writing.

This would seem to imply that not only is everyone not qualified enough to constructively criticize a Twilight Fanfiction, but also that most negative reviews (which are likely a generous 5% of all FFn reviews) are only being left to bring the author down.

re·view (r-vy)

v. re·viewed, re·view·ing, re·views
v.tr. 

1. To look over, study, or examine again.
2. To consider retrospectively; look back on.
3. To examine with an eye to criticism or correction: reviewed the research findings.
4. To write or give a critical report on (a new work or performance, for example).
5. Law To reexamine (an action or determination) judicially, especially in a higher court, in order to correct possible errors.
6. To subject to a formal inspection, especially a military inspection.
7. Given for the sole purpose of aiding the subject of said criticism to improve.

One could argue she was only referring to constructive criticism and not reviews as a whole. It’s not like she picked a negative review, threw it up on her blog, made an example out of a reader who was just leaving an honest and not at all hostile opinion, and then took it upon herself to correct them.

Or maybe she did.

Last night someone complained about the accent in Coming Through the Rye in a way that was less than constructive:

I’m sure you really won’t care about this review but I can’t believe you have someone Scottish helping with this dialect. You’re mixing different Scottish dialects throughout, also the only people who sound that broad are farmers and people over 70, and the glossary is hit or miss too. For a start “teucher” is absolutely not a highland term, it refers to people from NE Scotland. Black Pudding? NOTHING like a sausage, the texture/taste is so different that calling it this is ridiculous. As a Scot it pains me to see this as a representation of Scotland.

Combative. Rude. Arrogant. Did I miss anything?  I thanked the reviewer for her opinion, but shockingly this particular reviewer HAD to assure me of her superiority and correctness, which led to me letting out a tiny bit of snark.  I probably would have reined it in a bit if she’d just been insulting me (I’m certainly no expert at Scottish slang and accents), but she’s also insulting Claire, my prereader who lives in Glencoe, Scotland – and what kind of idiot implies I wouldn’t know a sausage if it bit me in the ass?  Not to mention, if you’re going to dispute the glossary definitions, be sure googling the term “teuchter” doesn’t immediately take you to page after page that defines it as a word referring to people in the Highlands. Considering Claire’s people refer to themselves as “teuchtery”… well, I don’t think the reviewer in question could have outed herself as a true troll and absolute moron any more if she tried.

How might this reviewer have transmitted her viewpoint without coming off as a complete douchebag?

Mac then proceeds to reconstruct (we can’t make this up) what she felt the review should have been. Anyone got a facepalm gif handy?

“I like that you’re writing a Scottish Edward.  I live in Scotland, though, and your portrayal of the accent doesn’t seem quite right.  To my ear, the accent appears too heavy and the slang is wrong for a person of that age group.  Perhaps you might add an additional Scottish person to join your prereading team to offer a second opinion – I would be happy to step in if you’re interested.  You may also want to consider rewording your description of blood pudding.  It doesn’t seem very sausage-like to me – it’s not quite as firm and meaty. Thanks for putting so much effort into your fic!” It gets the point across, offers solutions, and doesn’t imply the reviewer is schmuck.

We’d point out that instead of looking like a schmuck, now it just looks like the reader has her tongue glued to your anus, just the way you like, but we won’t. You’d probably make an example out of us too.

Twank Roundup:

Blog Post: Contests are unfair and only the popular girls win (Even though she only made the blog post to announce she’s placed in one)

Blog Post: Teaching the world about the evils of homophones (You can leave links to any homophone errors present in her fics in the comments… we don’t read…)

Blog Post: Tax deductions for fic research (Just no)

Blog Post: Your BDSM fic is boring and only popular because it’s trendy (Not that we disagree, but her fic list isn’t exactly screaming INTRIGUE)

Blog Post: Just everything.

Profile Page: “Thinking about leaving negative feedback? Consider whether your review is constructive or abusive. My policy is to ban anyone who leaves abusive criticism and make fun of them publicly for being a douchebag.” (Should we remind you what she considers “abusive”?)

We didn’t look at her Twitter, but we ‘magine it goes something like:

*SELF-IMPORTANCE* *SELF-IMPORTANCE* *SELF-IMPORTANCE*

.


It’s been a quiet weekend in twankland, but a few Nonnies starting rolling in tonight. One sent us something we weren’t certain qualified.

On a previous Twank for SR or ICY, a lot was brought up on MoG (Morgan Locklear). He writes a story called Bella Voce, vamp fic, that just isn’t that great tbh. I have attached a pic of his most recent twitter feed, trying to get a known fandom lady to read his story. She does not like to read 3rd person, and is a rare occasion when she does. His story is…..3rd person.

Some people just don’t have preferences for certain things. Most authors would shrug this off with a “to each their own.”

Or you could just badger them repeatedly until they submit to the fact that YOUR story will convert them:

When the reader asks what novel-quality third POV fics come to mind for Morgan, he declares:

WHAT AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF MODESTY! How honored those other two (suckier) authors must feel to be almost as good as Morgan.

His website, where he bounces back and forth between referring to himself in first and third person.

He realizes people are afraid to get invested in WIP fics, so he promotes, “Okay, here’s the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/~ Bella Voce is well crafted and well completed.”

Reminds his readers thatIt has come to my attention that there are many people who won’t even start a story unless it is complete.” Urges them: “So if you find yourself talking about Bella Voce you might want to include that fact. Thanks for all the traffic this week.”

In the same vein, says this of his own story:

*wank* *wank* *wank*

Loving himself raw there.

Sings and records songs for his own story.

Is the one responsible for getting husbands into fic by “having a dood friendly story that is also appealing to the ladies.”

Not to pimp my own work, but as I writer, I have my characters ask questions and it leads the story down better paths.

Just in case you missed his other gazillion self-promotions…

Then there’s this, posted on the discussion thread made for him on Twilighted for Bella Voce:

Let me make one thing perfectly clear…on this thread I will personally run off anyone who uses this place to do anything except celebrating the fandom and it’s accomplishments.

At least he’s honest about the “affirmations only go here” thing.

Twankas arejust jealous.”

Pushes another reader to make him a promotional video, even though she’s short on time, in exchange for retweets and him reading her story.

ZOMGZ my mention on Twankhard got me 100 readers!

And here, we thought it was because, as you yourself boast, your story is so “well crafted” and “has a poetic style that celebrates a classic kind of story telling without being dense” and “a defined wit that will give you giggles and even Belly laughs combined with a kick ass old school vampire approach.”

Did we mention that we love it when wankers review their own stories?

Because we do.

ETA: Arrogance is not a crime!

ETA2: “you think of my pee pee [sic] when you masturbate.”

https://twankhard.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/this-is-the-pit-and-i-am-the-conductor/#comment-2431

ETA3: MY THOUSANDS OF RAVING REVIEWS DON’T LIE

All four people who said they couldn’t complete it have my apologies, I write at an above third grade level so I can understand your confusion.

.


A Nonnie from the Delaney Twank comments linked us this, and it brought all kinds of lulz. It’s a blog from a woman who claims to have lived next door to Robert Pattinson for three months. The experience was so life changing, she decided to turn them into a series of e-books, which you can purchase here for $4.99.

From her website:

Robert Pattinson had rented this hide away apartment in a mountain and I was his neighbor.

Find out what we talked and all the things he did while he was there.

I’ve been talking about Robert Pattinson and this place since May 2009. When I decided to go public with this information, no one knew whom he was until I started talking in twitter.

My ebook came out in January 2010  and now I’m writing my ebook2. What sets me apart from all the other stories on Robert Pattinson?

A copy of an Official paper that I hold from Robert Pattinson. It will amaze you when you read it and it comes with the ebook. I also have a photo that hasn’t circulate in the net yet and you will need my permission to do it.

From her blog:

Robert Pattinson -secrets

Hi everyone.
My new blog will talk about the ebook that i wrote . A true story about Robert Pattinson hiding in this mountain in October 2008. I know it has been a while. I’ve been on twitter for the past year. Giving out all types of info on Robert Pattinson. Like. Did you know that his real birthday is on April 5.. not on May 13 and did you know that Robert is older than 24 yrs. old I have lots of info on Robert Pattinson. Exactly what he did in that mountain. What type of music he played. who visited him there and all the mysteries of that mountain that for some reason he altered as soon as he stepped in. You can follow me on Twitter… drkside11…. and you can visit my website: http://www.RobertPattinson11.com you can purchase the e-book through pay pal.

His REAL birthday is April 5th. Amazing.

Are we that skectical?

I have made several attempts to reach all those fans of Robert Pattinson.

This is not a self-insert RPF.

He would get so close to me like he wanted to Smell me and breath me. Some men are like that. They are near a woman and they take a big breath and fill their lungs with the woman’s smell. I’m been dramatic but it’s the truth. Men love to do that and Robert is one of them, with the idea that they are enjoying what they have next to them.

Okay, maybe it is.

as you can see I have several version of this house. I have other pictures. Yes, he was inside his apt. when this picture was taken. He liked hanging his laundry outside in the terrace. In my e book I have a valuable official information about Robert Pattinson as proof with a picture that hasn’t circulate in the net yet.

FINALLY, WE FIND DELANEY’S INSIDER SOURCE!

TO ALL OF ROBERT PATTINSON FANS

I think you might be interested in following me. I am the author of THE DARKSIDE OF ROBERT PATTINSON -secrets…you might ask who am I? well you will see my name if you buy my book. It’s my real name the one that Robert knew when we met. YOU MIGHT WANT TO FOLLOW ME.

We do.

I talked to the guy for more than a few minutes. I saw lots of things with him that I will be talking in my  e book2.  I get a little scared sometimes because .. when I start thinking about someone and no matter how far they are. I start getting into this persons.. well its like a telephone call you can tap in and start listening to his conversations with his brain and his feeling.  you  can feel the vibrations from them and its sometimes a bit scary, because if that person at the moment is feeling depress. That’s exactly what you are going to feel. It’s very powerful and hard to talk about.

Scary creepy?

Happy Halloween, Twankas!

ETA:  A VERY RARE PICTURE OF ROB AND EMILIE

From this blog of hers:

RobPattinson-aka a very rare pic of Robert and DeRaven. They have met way before. He wanted her for the part of Remember Me, they where long time friends. Here in Let’s make a deal.

lol wut?

So. We’re being punked, right?

Thought so.

.


We’re not really even sure we can pinpoint the twank here. We guess in the generalized sense, DelaneyG84 is one big, pulsating twank monster, just lurking beneath your bed, waiting for your feet to pass so she can jump out, grab you, and yell.

ROBSTEN IS REAL! ACCEPT AND LOVE THEM! *CRAZINESS* *CRAZINESS* *CRAZINESS*

We already know a little about how Delaney is being sued by Summit for leaking Eclipse photos, so her rabid fanaticism doesn’t come as much of a surprise.

We have no idea how she developed such a “following” but if you were to ask her, it’s because she has “insider sources” that can confirm the definite existence of “Robsten.” Not only can she confirm that RP and KS are together and deeply in love, but she also provides alleged details about their personal and professional lives, sometimes teasing her followers with clues about information gained from these “sources”. All the while, she is claiming to have so much information on RP and KS that she has to remain “muzzled” to respect their privacy.

She sometimes insults her very following by agreeing “a cat has more common sense than a large portion of R/k fans“.

She has double agents EVERYWHERE!

Begs in smugness, “Let’s forget the “Stens”. I have done my part. Y’all know the truth by now. Let’s be Rob, Kris and Twilight Saga fans. Ok?

It’s wrong to hate on popular figures. “You can’t be a fan of Rob if you hate Kstew.

Yet she continuously mocks and berates other figures of popularity, calling Joe Jonas “a virgin whore” and saying this of Rob and Kristen’s costars, Ashley Green and Nikki Reed: “AG and NR just need to keep their legs shut. There I said it.

Yet she tells Twihards they need to chill the fuck out.

And God forbid anyone doubt the existence of Robsten. She reitterates how very together the couple is. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and…

You feel me.

Sometimes, reading through her Twitter feed (which we only had the motivation to do as far back as July), we get the impression that Delaney feels burdened by her obligations and duties in this fandom. She has to confirm and deny every rumor, inform us which fan sites are acceptable to visit, and constantly reiterate how very together the couple is. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and…

We all know how rabid it can get on both sides of this R/K debate, but Twankhard was really shocked to hear some of the shenanigans, going so far to stalk and harass people and their families (on either side) in their personal lives.  Naturally, we’re like.

Who cares who’s fucking whom?

But this is some prime, WTF IT’S SO CREEPY WE’RE SCARED FOR THEM twank.

When things get really difficult for Delany, she just finds comfort in knowing that Rob and Kristen are solid.

Scary creepy?

Happy Halloween, Twankas.

ETA: SCREENSHOTS & POLL UNDER “READ FULL STORY” CUT

ETA2: Nonnie sent us this public summary of the Summit lawsuit

http://www.rfcexpress.com/lawsuit.asp?ID=54932

Read the rest of this entry »


SnowqueenIcedragon’s stans made her this tribute website for MotU’s 1 year anniversary.

Master of the Universe has become the biggest thing the fandom has seen in terms of reviews, fan reaction and outside interest. In some cases this story has been life changing for the readers. It has definitely been life changing for it’s author. Who knew that this little fanfiction story would be MORE.

Idek. We’ll let the twankas handle that one.

Now SebastienRobichaud’s stans are doing something similar. From an email sent to every member of his FGB team:

Good day to you all.
You may be wondering why you’re receiving this email.
Well, SR is currently writing the FGB outtakes you have been waiting for. So I wanted to let you all know that they are not far away. Please keep an eye on your spam folders for the next little while.
The other reason you are receiving this is because fans of SR have decided to put together a tribute site for him for the completion of “The University of Edward Masen”. Our dear author has had a lot of life changing moments while he has been writing this story and many of us are thankful for being able to read it.
If you wish to let him know what this story has meant to you then you can do so by clicking this link and writing him a message.
Only Sebastien Robichaud, myself and my techie Hoot will ever see what is written. This will be turned into a private letter and sent to SR.
You are under no obligation to do this but we wanted to give you this opportunity.
With sincere gratitude,

Squally & Hoot x

Okay, we’re bored with the Icy/SR reader twank now. They’ll never be not-twanky. Unless something is particularly appalling, we’ll no longer be twanking the MotU/UoEM stans with new posts. We’ll just ETA this one. You probably won’t see anything more on the authors either, until they decide to publish.

Lets move it along.

ETA1: MotU stans roleplay the fic into a “show.”

From this amazingly scary website:

ANNOUNCEMENT

Due to recent circumstances, chat will NO LONGER be held in Edward’s apartment. Instead, we shall be meeting in the downstairs cigar room of Escala. When entering the building, turn right off the main lobby to find the cigar room. Thank you for your cooperation.

THE SHOW STARTED MONDAY AUGUST 9 @ 8 PM FORKS

PLEASE FOLLOW ALL CHARACTERS to Follow along.

With Permission from Icy herself we are acting out SnowQueens IceDragon’s Master Of the Universe here and out on twitter

Follow us @FiftyShadesEd and @Ms_IsabellaSwan.

We Started at chapter one and will continue to move thru to the end 87 89 endless chapters and the 50 Shades of Mr Edward Cullen. Please join us on this journey of making Mr Cullen and Ms Swan a reality. Spread the word and join the site for chats and discussions about MotU as well as interact with Mr Cullen and Isabella and the rest of the cast.

This site is for 18 and over only due to extreme language and explicit sex and because Edward Cullen is 50 Shades of Fucked up.

We run the story one chapter at a time for 1-1.5 hours each night
Starting at 8pm Seattle time.

They even got a fucking twibbon for this crap. That thing people on Twitter do to support a cause, like breast cancer, or feeding the hungry, or stopping hate and bigotry. They have a twibbon for the “Bunker Babes” too.

We can’t.

Then, the application to “become” a character includes questions like:

Do you understand we will be acting out line by line the Queen’s story first in MSN and then moving it to twitter?

And

Mr Cullen’s NDA states nothing that happens in MSN can be discussed outside of our Behind the Scenes Conversations. Also that you fully understand and agree to all the terms listed on this app? If you are found to be in violation of the NDA depending on the severity of the offence you may have your role taken from you. Do you Agree if you become an Official MotU character you will abide by the NDA?

ETA2: Love comes in spurts (little spurts):

Tribute to “Master Of The Universe (by Snowqueens Icedragon)”
Song written and performed by Betti Gefecht
Mp3 download at http://bettis-art-house.blogspot.com

Lyrics:

Quick to be angered
Hard to please
Hot and cold and bittersweet
Everything about him
Makes me weak in the knees
And yet I’m still on my feet
Cuz when he shifts his way
From bright to moody
It’s just one of the fifty shades
Of his Beauty

Some call him master
Some call him a mess
Sometimes it hurts
Sometimes I want it faster
Sometimes I want less
Love comes in spurts (little spurts)
Because the gift he
Makes me
Is a treasure
He gives me fifty shades
Of pleasure

Doubt swiftly fades
Here’s my confession:
(Goddess to god, inner goddess calling)
I crave his fifty shades
Of love and passion

Fifty shades of love…

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This twank has had us laughing all night long. At least 5 Nonnies reported it, but by the time Twankharder2 *glares* got around to checking our email, the author had pulled the material in question. But we could kiss Nonnie #6, who so diligently took a screenshot for your entertainment.

Firstly, we’d like to congratulate Hannah81 (Twilighted validation beta, of course) on this:

ACO would be All Cried Out, a twilight fanfiction that she completed and later removed. She still has the outtakes on her fanfiction.net profile.

She’s obviously been terribly busy, editing the fanfiction into a marketable masterpiece (and only in one month!).

We all know how illegal immoral difficult it must be to transform a fanfiction into something resembling an original work. We imagine there must be an abundance of search and replace plot and character revisions. So much, that she’d basically have to rewrite the story.

Omnific was pleased with the revisions Hannah chose, and look how excited she is! She is going to be real life published by a real life publishing company! Break out the champagne! All that searching and replacing hard work paid off!

But first, Hannah must tell her readers! And how better to tell her readers than to offer them a oneshot with an A/N proclaiming she now has absolute ownership of All Cried Out, and Oh! She hopes you’ll buy the book! She realizes you already read the fanfiction, but this book is going to be so different. Practically not even the same thing.

But the chapter update doesn’t exist. This is the point where Twankhard taps a finger against our chins and hems and hahs.

Enter, Nonnie of the Week! She took a screenshot before Hannah81 removed the chapter, probably in a  fit of total embarrassment.

(Click to see fullsize)

Note that every recognizable Twilight character and location name now has a new one smooshed up beside it. EdwardWesley and CharlotteBella are just so glad Hannah81 took the time to properly edit her fanfiction into something original and publishable. It’d be awful to know she used search and replace, and awfuller to know she didn’t even do that correctly. Awfuller even to know she’d post it by accident without even reading it through.

Hannah81 is clearly publishing material.

(PatrickJasper/ChloeAlice OTP)

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You haven’t been creeped out enough today. Look what Nonnie’s sent us!

What the hell is RobManiPorn?

Well, isn’t it obvious? It’s manipulated Robporn. His head, on hot bodies. Can it get any better?

CaroSlickLips finds the goods, and Lindz does the manip’in. It’s a match made in Robporn heaven.

So tune in for your daily dose of Robmaniporn. You will not leave disappointed….or with a dry pair of panties. ;o)

There’s this message on the bottom of the blog:

Like these manis? Want to use them for fanart or banners?

Simply ask and we will provide you with un-watermarked pictures. Just let us know the date and name of the mani you are interested in. robmaniporn@yahoo.com

We do ask for a favor, though. Credit the blog, please. Wherever you do decide to post your banner or fanart, we’d appreciate a mention.

Also, we apologize, but we cannot provide unmarked pictures for personal purposes like wallpapers or avatars. Sorry.

Naturally, we wanted to get access to a few and make them into personal avatars and wallpapers (and distribute freely!), but then saw what happens when a robmaniporn flutters out into the interweb without permission. I wonder if they realize these can’t be copyrighted? We also wish Rob pursued more legal suits. *f*

Click READ MORE for some samples and prepare to vomit be dazzled.

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